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Ua hoʻi ʻoe i ka home me ka hauʻoli. Me he mea lā iā ʻoe - ʻaʻole, maopopo ʻoe - ua hui hope ʻoe me kāu kāne. Akā ua hala kekahi mau lā, a ʻike ʻia ʻaʻole ʻoe hoihoi i kāu "soulmate". No ke aha kēia hana?
Ua hauʻoli ʻo Mark no ka hele maikaʻi ʻana o kāna lā mua me Emma. Hoʻolālā lākou e hui ma hope o ka hana no ka inu ʻana, a pau ke kamaʻilio ʻana no ʻekolu hola. "Ua kūpono mākou i kekahi i kekahi," i ʻōlelo mai ai ʻo Mark iaʻu i ke kau lāʻau lapaʻau e hiki mai ana. “He nui ko maua mau manao like me Emma, a ua holo maalahi ka kamailio ana. I kēlā me kēia manawa i nīnau mai ka waiter inā makemake mākou i kahi inu ʻē aʻe, pane ʻo ia i ka ʻae.
I kekahi lā aʻe, ua leka uila ʻo Mark iā Emma a nīnau i ka wā e ʻike hou ai lāua. "Ua pane ʻo ia makemake ʻo ia i nā mea āpau, akā ʻaʻole makemake ʻo ia i ka lua o ka lā. Ua hilahila a ua huhū ʻo Mark i ka manawa hoʻokahi: “No ke aha ʻo ia e noho ai me aʻu i ʻekolu hola inā ʻaʻole au i hoihoi iā ia? ʻaʻole maopopo iaʻu".
Lohe au i nā moʻolelo like ʻole mai nā mea kūʻai aku he nui: i ka hālāwai mua e holo maikaʻi nā mea a pau, akā no kekahi kumu ʻaʻole makemake ka mea hou e hoʻomau i ke kamaʻilio. Eia kekahi, ua hana pū au me nā kāne a me nā wahine i loaʻa iā lākou iho ma nā ʻaoʻao ʻelua o kēia hiʻohiʻona pili, a hiki iaʻu ke hōʻoiaʻiʻo ʻo ia ʻano hana e hoʻohūhū ai i ka poʻe i hōʻole ʻia.
"Pehea i hiki ai iaʻu ke kuhi hewa i ke kūlana?" ʻO ia ka nīnau a lākou e nīnau ai. Akā ʻaʻole lākou i hana. Eia nā kumu ʻelima e hōʻole ʻia ai ʻoe i ka lua o ka lā, ʻoiai inā maikaʻi ka mea mua.
1. Ua makemake ʻo ia iā ʻoe, ʻaʻole naʻe ma ke ʻano aloha.
Eia ka wehewehe maʻamau aʻu i lohe ai: ua hauʻoli loa kou hoa i kāu hui, ua hoʻoholo maoli ʻo ia he kanaka maikaʻi ʻoe, he kamaʻilio ʻoliʻoli a hoihoi, ʻike ʻo ia iā ʻoe he uʻi, akā ... iā ʻoe. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i hoʻokaumaha ʻia e ka manaʻo o ka hoʻokamakama a i ʻole ke aloha. He mea koʻikoʻi ka huaʻōlelo "chemistry" ma ʻaneʻi, no ka mea, ʻaʻole mākou e kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā hiʻohiʻona kino kikoʻī, akā e pili ana i nā mea liʻiliʻi e hiki naʻe ke pāʻani i ke kuleana koʻikoʻi.
2. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i haʻalele me kāna ex (a i ʻole ʻo ia me kāna ex)
Ma waena o kaʻu mau mea kūʻai aku he nui ka poʻe e hele i nā lā me ka hoʻopau ʻole i ka pilina ma mua. No ke aha lākou e hana ai? Hālāwai lākou i nā poʻe hou me ka manaʻolana e loaʻa kahi hoa kupaianaha: manaʻolana lākou e kōkua kahi hālāwai maikaʻi iā lākou e poina i ka wā i hala, e haʻalele i ke kūlana a neʻe i ko lākou ola. A i ka manawa like, hoʻonoho lākou i ka pae kiʻekiʻe no nā moho ma hope a he paʻakikī loa ke hālāwai.
No ka poʻe e hilinaʻi nei i ka wā i hala, ʻoi aku ka kiʻekiʻe ma mua o ka poʻe e ʻimi nei i ka hoa i nā kūlana mālie. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, inā ʻaʻole i hoʻopili ʻia kēia kanaka i kāna mōʻaukala me nā pilina i hala, makemake paha lākou i ka lua o ka lā me ʻoe. A i kēia manawa ʻaʻole lawa kona manaʻo e ʻike pono iā ʻoe.
3. Hoʻomanaʻo ʻoe iā ia i kekahi, a ua hoʻopau kēia ʻano like i ka hoihoi.
ʻO kekahi kumu maʻamau no ka hele ʻole ʻana i ka lua o ka lā, ʻo ia ka mea e hoʻāla ai ʻoe i kekahi mau hui me ia, a ʻo kēia manaʻo o ka hālāwai ʻana i kahi mea kamaʻāina e hoʻopau i ka mea āpau: "wow, ua like ʻo ia me koʻu makuakāne i nā kiʻi kahiko" , a i ʻole "hele ʻo ia. i ke kula hoʻokahi me koʻu ex» a i ʻole «he loio ʻo ia, a ʻo nā loio hope ʻelua aʻu i hālāwai ai ʻaʻole he poʻe maikaʻi loa.»
ʻO ia hoʻi, ua hoʻoholo ʻo ia mai ka hoʻomaka ʻana ʻaʻole ʻoe he kāne nona (no kēia ʻano like ʻole), akā no ka mea ʻoluʻolu a hauʻoli ʻoe i kahi lā, ua hoʻoholo ʻo ia e hoʻohana i kēia manawa ma ke ala maikaʻi loa.
4. Ma kekahi ʻano, ua maikaʻi loa ʻoe iā ia.
Loaʻa i kēlā me kēia o mākou kahi ʻano radar i kūkulu ʻia no ka ʻike ʻana i nā kūlana e hoʻohaʻahaʻa iā mākou, e hoʻoikaika iā mākou iho e hilahila, e ʻike i kā mākou "hewa". ʻO kahi laʻana, ma kahi kokoke i kahi kanaka mākaukau maoli a makemake nui, manaʻo paha kekahi e like me ka nalowale a me ka naʻaupō. Ma hope o ka mea hoʻokūkū, kākoʻo kūpono i ke ola olakino - e ʻāhewa iā ʻoe iho no kou aloha i ka meaʻai "junk", lethargy a me ka passivity.
I ka pōkole, i ka wā e launa pū ai ʻoe me ia kanaka, e manaʻo ʻoe he pono ʻoe e hakakā e hōʻea i kona pae (paʻakikī e hoʻokō), a i ʻole ʻo ia (me ka makemake a me ka ʻike ʻole) e hoʻohewa i kou nohona. A ʻo wai ka mea makemake e hoʻomau i kahi pilina e manaʻo ai ʻo ia he mediocrity a me waho?
5. Makemake wale ʻo ia e moe kolohe
Ua hui paha ʻoe ma kahi papa hana pili kahi āna i ʻōlelo ai e ʻimi nei ʻo ia i kahi pilina koʻikoʻi, akā ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻoi aku kona hoihoi i kahi hoʻokamakama. A no ka mea makemake ʻo ia iā ʻoe a hauʻoli pū kekahi, ʻaʻole ʻo ia i makemake e hōʻeha i kou mau manaʻo. Ua hōʻole ʻo ia e hoʻomau me ka ʻike ʻana he pono ʻo ia i kahi lele māmā a ʻaʻole ʻo ia i manaʻo e ʻike hou iā ʻoe.
I ka pōkole, ʻo nā kumu maʻamau no ka hōʻole ʻana e hoʻomau i kahi pilina pili maʻamau iā ia, ʻaʻole i nā hemahema a i ʻole nā hemahema ma kāu ʻaoʻao. Ma muli o ka nui o ka poʻe i hōʻole ʻia e lilo i mea hoʻomanaʻo ponoʻī iā lākou iho, pono wau e haʻi aku ʻaʻole kēia he hoʻoholo maikaʻi no kou manaʻo ponoʻī, a ʻo ia hoʻi, ma muli o nā kuhi hewa.
No ka mea kākau: ʻO Guy Winch he kanaka psychologist, lālā o ka American Psychological Association, a me ka mea kākau o kekahi mau puke, ʻo ia kekahi ʻo Psychological First Aid (Medley, 2014).