ʻO nā huakaʻi, nā hoʻokolohua a me nā honua kupanaha - ua kamaʻāina kēia mau "manaʻo moeʻuhane" i nā mea he nui a hiki ke hāʻawi i ke kī i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana iā ʻoe iho a me kāu mau ʻike ʻike ʻole. Ua wehewehe ʻo Psychotherapist David Bedrick i ko lākou manaʻo me nā haʻawina hihia.
I kēlā me kēia lā mākou e launa pū me mākou iho, nā poʻe ʻē aʻe a me ka honua a puni mākou. Ke ho'āʻo nei mākou e hana i ka koho kūpono: ʻo wai o kā mākou mau ʻike a me nā manaʻo e kaʻana like, a ʻo wai ka mea e hūnā. Me kekahi poʻe, pono mākou e makaʻala: hiki i nā ʻōlelo a me nā hana ke kumakaia i ko mākou ʻeha a i ʻole ko mākou nāwaliwali. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e kamaʻilio e pili ana i kāu mea hoʻohui, huhū a huhū paha me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Me ke kolu, pono kākou e makaʻala a hūnā i ka ʻike e pili ana i nā maʻi a i ʻole nā mea e hana nei i ko kākou ola ʻuhane.
Hana mākou no ke kumu maikaʻi a i ʻole e like me nā kūlana. Eia naʻe, ʻo ka hapa nui o kēia mau hoʻoholo i hana ʻia me ka ʻike ʻole - ʻaʻole maopopo mākou i nā manaʻo hohonu, nā manaʻo, nā pono a me nā haʻawina o ka wā i hala e alakaʻi iā mākou.
Hiki iā ʻoe ke hana me nā manaʻo, nā manaʻo, a me nā ʻike "haʻalele i nā hiʻohiʻona" inā ʻoe e hahai i ke ala o ka noiʻi ʻana i nā moeʻuhane.
Akā he aha ka hopena i nā mea a pau i hōʻike ʻole ʻia, hōʻike ʻia, manaʻo a hoʻomaopopo maʻamau? I kekahi manawa - ʻaʻohe mea, akā ʻo kekahi o nā manaʻo huna a me nā manaʻo e hoʻomau ʻia a lilo i kumu o kā mākou ʻano kūpono ʻole me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, nā hakakā, ke kaumaha, nā maʻi kino, ka huhū a me nā manaʻo a me nā hana ʻē aʻe.
Manaʻo ʻo David Bedrick he mea maʻamau kēia - ʻo ko mākou ʻano kanaka kēia. Akā me kēia mau manaʻo, nā manaʻo, nā ʻike, hiki iā ʻoe ke hana inā ʻoe e hahai i ke ala i ʻike ʻia i ka moʻomeheu kumu o nā aborigine, a me ka ʻepekema psychological hou. ʻO kēia ala ka ʻimi ʻana i kā mākou mau moeʻuhane. Eia ʻekolu mau moeʻuhane e hālāwai ai ka hapa nui o mākou i kēlā me kēia manawa.
1. ʻAʻole hiki ke hele
"Ua kūʻai au i tiketi mokulele, akā ua hala au i kaʻu lele", "Ua moe au e hele ana au i kahi huakaʻi, akā ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke hoʻoholo i ka mea e hele ai ma ke alanui", "Ma ka moeʻuhane, ʻo wau a me kaʻu hoa. e hele ana i ka hoomaha, aole nae i hiki ia makou ke hooholo i ke kuhikuhi.
I loko o kēia mau moeʻuhane a pau, hele ka poʻe i ka huakaʻi, akā ua loaʻa iā lākou nā pilikia: ʻaʻole hiki iā lākou ke hōʻea i ka manawa, poina lākou, hiamoe lākou, hala lākou i ka manawa haʻalele. ʻO ia mau moeʻuhane e hōʻike pinepine ana i nā kānalua, nā pili a i ʻole nā manaʻoʻiʻo e kaupalena iā mākou i kekahi ala a i ʻole, ʻaʻole e ʻae iā mākou e neʻe i mua, e hele ma mua o ko mākou ola maʻamau i ka mea hou.
ʻO kahi pilikia paha ko mākou pono e mākaukau piha no ka loli - e like me kēlā moeʻuhane kahi hiki ʻole i ke kanaka ke mākaukau no ke alanui. A i ʻole ka dynamics o ka pilina o kēia manawa e hoʻopilikia i kā mākou neʻe - no ka laʻana, inā i loko o ka moeʻuhane e hoʻopili ʻia mākou i ke kamaʻilio ʻana a i ʻole ka hakakā, no ka mea ua lohi mākou.
He mea nui e lawe koʻikoʻi i kou mau manaʻolana a me kou mau makemake a hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ka hopohopo e pili ana i ka mea kūpono me ka hoʻāʻo ʻole e hoʻolālā i kou ola holoʻokoʻa.
A i ʻole e keakea ʻia mākou e ka hana a mākou e pāʻani nei i ke ola a ma waho aʻe o ka hiki ʻole iā mākou ke hele ma mua o nā hana a ka makua, ka mālama ʻana i kekahi, ka pono e hemolele, ka ʻimi kālā. A i ʻole e pili ana i ka pae holoʻokoʻa o ka hana i loko o ko mākou ola, a laila ma ka moeʻuhane hiki iā mākou ke paʻa i loko o kahi kaʻa kaʻa.
Ke loaʻa iā mākou kēlā mau moeʻuhane, pono mākou e kākoʻo iā mākou iho, e hoʻoikaika i ka "lele", e hana i kahi hana hoʻoholo. He mea nui e lawe koʻikoʻi i kou mau manaʻolana a me kou mau makemake a emi iho ka hopohopo e pili ana i ka mea kūpono me ka hoʻāʻo ʻole e hoʻolālā i kou ola holoʻokoʻa ma mua.
2. Haʻalele ka hoʻokolokolo
“No nā makahiki he nui, ua loaʻa iaʻu ka moeʻuhane mau. Me he mea lā ua hoʻi au i ke kulanui, me he 20 makahiki aku nei. Ua poina iaʻu e hele ana au i kekahi kumuhana, a laila ua ʻike ʻia he hoʻokolokolo ʻapōpō. ʻAʻole koʻikoʻi ka hoʻopaʻi ʻana - maʻamau ka hoʻonaʻauao kino - akā pono wau e kiʻi i nā māka, no laila makemake wau. Ke hiamoe au, ʻike wau i ka hopohopo weliweli. "
He nui ka poʻe o mākou e moeʻuhane ua hiamoe mākou, poina i ke aʻo ʻana i kekahi kumuhana, a i ʻole ka hoʻokolokolo. ʻO ia mau moeʻuhane e piha mau i ka hopohopo a hōʻailona pinepine mākou e noʻonoʻo i kekahi ʻoihana i ko mākou ola ʻaʻole i pau. I kekahi manawa, kamaʻilio lākou e pili ana i ka mea a mākou e manaʻoʻiʻo ʻole ai - i ko mākou waiwai, i ko mākou hiki ke hoʻokō i kekahi mea, i ko mākou ikaika, kālena, nā manawa kūpono. Ma muli paha o ka haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa.
Hiki i ka nānā ʻana i ka moe ke kōkua iā mākou e hoʻoholo i ka mea hoʻohaʻahaʻa iā mākou, ʻaʻole manaʻoʻiʻo i ko mākou ikaika a me ko mākou koʻikoʻi - iā mākou iho a i ʻole kekahi.
Eia naʻe, ʻōlelo ʻo David Bedrick, ʻaʻole i ʻike ka poʻe i loaʻa i kēlā mau moeʻuhane ua hala nā "hoʻokolohua" āpau me ka "maikaʻi", a he waiwai lākou, mākaukau, hiki, a pēlā aku. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo ia moeʻuhane paha e hōʻike ana ua "haʻule" mākou i ka hoʻokolokolo no ka mea ʻaʻole pono mākou e lawe.
Hiki i ka loiloi o ia moeʻuhane ke kōkua iā mākou e hoʻoholo i ka mea e hoʻohaʻahaʻa iā mākou, ʻaʻole manaʻoʻiʻo i ko mākou ikaika a me ko mākou koʻikoʻi - ʻo mākou iho a i ʻole kekahi o ko mākou kaiapuni. ʻO ka mea kūʻai aku ʻo Bedrik, nona ka moeʻuhane i hōʻike ʻia ma luna, ua ʻae loa i kēia wehewehe ʻana: "He ʻoiaʻiʻo loa kēia, no ka mea, ʻaʻole loa wau i manaʻo ua lawa wau no kekahi mea, a ʻo wau ke ʻeha mau ʻia e ka kānalua ponoʻī."
3. Nā honua mamao
"Ua hele au i Helene a ʻike wau i ka manaʻo o ke aloha. ʻAʻole maopopo iaʻu ke kumu e hele ai au i laila. "I ka wā mua ua hoʻāʻo wau e ʻimi i kaʻu kaʻa i loko o kahi hale kūʻai nui, a i ka manawa i loaʻa ai, holo wau i ka moana a haʻalele i kahi moku holo moana nui."
ʻAʻole manaʻo ka poʻe i loaʻa ia mau moeʻuhane i nā pilikia a ʻaʻole manaʻo he mea ʻole. Ma kahi ʻano, ua hele mua lākou i mua o ke ola, akā ʻaʻole lākou i ʻike piha i kēia. Kōkua ka nānā ʻana i ka moe e hoʻopili me kēlā ʻano o ka noʻonoʻo a i ʻole ka manaʻo ʻaʻole mākou i ʻike i kēia manawa, ʻo ia ʻāpana o mākou e makemake nei e ʻike, ʻike ʻia, ola. He "haole" paha kēia ʻāpana iā mākou i kēia manawa - ʻo ia ke ʻano o ke kiʻi o Helene, kahi ʻāina ʻē.
I ka hana ʻana me kahi wahine nāna i wehewehe i ka moeʻuhane e pili ana iā Helene, ua kono ʻo Bedrick iā ia e noʻonoʻo, e noʻonoʻo i kāna huakaʻi i laila a noʻonoʻo i nā ʻano. ʻO ka ʻōlelo hope loa ma muli o ka ʻike ʻana o ka wahine i ke aloha ma ka moeʻuhane. Ua kōkua ka lāʻau lapaʻau iā ia i nā nīnau alakaʻi i hiki iā ia ke noʻonoʻo liʻiliʻi a hoʻohana hou i kona mau manaʻo. Ua nīnau ʻo ia iā ia e pili ana i ke mele āna i lohe ai i kāna hiamoe, ka ʻono o ka meaʻai kūloko, nā ʻala.
E like me nā ʻano loiloi ʻē aʻe, ʻo ke aʻo ʻana i nā moeʻuhane ʻaʻole i ke ao holoʻokoʻa a hilinaʻi mau i ke kūlana kikoʻī a me ke ʻano.
A laila, manaʻo ʻo Bedrick e noho ka wahine ma kēia ʻano "Greek" - me he mea lā ua aloha ʻo ia i kēia ʻano o ke ola. "ʻAe! ʻO kēia kaʻu mea i manaʻo hohonu ai," i ʻae ai ka mea kūʻai. Hiki iā ia ke hula, hīmeni, hoʻolohe i ke mele, a i ʻole hele i nā "huakaʻi pōkole" i kona Helene i loko.
ʻOiaʻiʻo, e like me nā ʻano ʻano loiloi ʻē aʻe, ʻike a me ka wehewehe ʻana, ʻaʻole ākea ke aʻo ʻana i nā moeʻuhane a hilinaʻi mau i ke kūlana kikoʻī a me ke kanaka. He moeʻuhane like paha kekahi, akā ʻaʻole kūpono ka wehewehe ʻana iā ia. Manaʻo ʻo David Bedrick i ka hilinaʻi ʻana i kou ʻike a koho wale i ka mea e kani maoli ai.
E pili ana i ka mea kākau: ʻO David Bedrick he psychotherapist a me ka mea kākau o Objecting to Dr. Phil: Alternatives to Popular Psychology.