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He keiki punahele, pehea ka ʻike i nā kaikunāne?
Wahi a kahi noiʻi ʻAmelika, ma ʻOkakopa 2015, nā ʻōuli o pā kapuua kiʻekiʻe hoʻi i nā keiki i manaʻo ua pili loa lākou i ko lākou makuahine mamua o ka poe nana manaʻo lākou ua hakakā nui lākou me ia, a i ʻole ua hoʻohilahila nui iā ia. Wahi a ka haʻawina aia nō ʻaʻohe ʻokoʻa ma waena o nā kaikamāhine a me nā keikikāne. ʻO Catherine Sellenet, psychologist a me ka mea kākau o ka puke "ʻO ke keiki punahele, laki a kaumaha paha?", wehewehe i kēlā me kēia lā Le Monde, ma 2014, " ʻO ka makemake o nā mākua he mea hikiʻole ke wehewehe, hoʻopilikia i ʻike ʻia me ka hilahila. He transgressive ʻo ia, kūpono ʻole me ke kumu hoʻohālike kūpono o ka ʻohana kahi i hoʻokaʻawale like ʻia ai nā mea āpau, "wahi āna. Manaʻo ʻo Anne Bacus, psychotherapist, no kāna ʻaoʻao, ʻaʻole pono nā mākua e ʻimi i ke kaulike ma waena o kā lākou mau keiki. Nā wehewehe.
Ke keiki punahele, kumuhana kapu
ʻO ke keiki punahele he kumuhana huna i loko o nā ʻohana. "ʻAʻole hiki i nā mākua ke hilinaʻi iā ia. He kapu a ʻike pinepine ʻole. Ma keʻano laulā, ʻike lākou iā lākou iho i loko o kekahi o nā keiki no ka mea ʻike lākou iā ia i kahi ʻāpana o lākou iho. A i ʻole, aia kahi ʻano pilikino a lākou e makemake nui ai i hoʻokahi ", ʻōlelo ʻo Anne Bacus. No nā keiki, ʻaʻole maopopo loa kēia makemake e ola. ” Hāʻawi ʻia ke kūlana o "makemake" ma waena o nā kaikunāne a me nā kaikuahine. ʻŌlelo pinepine lākou i kekahi i kekahi, "ʻo ʻoe, ʻo ʻoe ka darling ", Me ka ʻōlelo ʻole ʻana i ka mea e hana maoli ai iā lākou," wehewehe ka shrink.
Ke loaʻa i kēlā me kēia makua kāna punahele
Loaʻa pinepine " he makemake maoli o ka makua i keia a me keia keiki. E "makemake" ka makuakāne i ka makuahine mua a me ka muli loa, no ka laʻana! », Hoʻohui iā Anne Bacus. ʻAʻole maikaʻi loa nā mea i kēia hihia. ʻOi aku ka palekana o ke keiki punahele ma mua o nā keiki ʻē aʻe e ka makua nāna e hoʻomāʻona iā ia? ” ʻAʻole pono. He mea ia e hooulu ai i ka lili i na kaikunane, pela e hooulu ai i na paio mawaena o na keiki. ʻO ka manawa pinepine, hiki i ka manaʻo o ka hewa ke ulu iā ia: no ke aha ʻo ia a ʻaʻole wau? », Hōʻike i ka psychologist. Ua ʻōlelo pū ʻo ia i loko o ka ʻohana me ka makemake ʻole i haʻi ʻia, manaʻo nā keiki āpau he poʻe punahele nā poʻe ʻē aʻe.
E makaʻala i ka makemake ʻole!
Hoʻomaopopo ʻo Anne Bacus i nā mākua. “E makaala i ka hana a na makua: inā loaʻa nā hōʻike kikoʻī e pili ana i ka makemake, hiki iā ia ke hoʻohauʻoli i nā keiki », wehewehe ʻo ia. Hiki ke ala aʻe ka manaʻo o ka pono ʻole a hoʻopilikia i ke keiki makemake ʻole (me ka leo ʻole). Ke noho maikaʻi ʻole nā kaikunāne, bicker, hiki i kēia mau hoʻopaʻapaʻa ma muli o ka makemake o nā mākua. "E hoʻolilo nā keiki i ko lākou manawa e ana i ka mea a kekahi i kekahi," wahi a ka psychologist.
Mai ho'āʻo i ka egalitarian
No ka pale ʻana i kēia ʻano hoʻokūkū, ʻōlelo ʻo Anne Bacus i nā mākua e haʻi i kā lākou mau keiki: " ʻElua aʻu keiki wale nō. A aloha nui au iā ʻoe, kēlā me kēia no ko ʻoukou ʻano. He kū hoʻokahi ʻoe i koʻu puʻuwai! », wehewehe ʻo ia. Ke manaʻoʻiʻo nei ʻo ia ʻaʻole pono kekahi e ʻimi i ka egalitarian ma nā koina āpau. "Ma luna o nā mea a pau, ʻaʻole e komo i ka pāʻani o nā keiki e ʻimi nei i ke kaulike. No ka laʻana, ke ʻōlelo kekahi o lākou "ua loaʻa iā ia kēia, makemake wau i ka mea like", hiki i ka makua ke kuhikuhi e loaʻa i kēlā me kēia keiki kāna mea e pono ai a makemake paha a no ka mea ʻokoʻa lākou, ʻaʻole like kēia no kēlā me kēia, "wehewehe ka kanaka kālaiʻike. He mea nui e noʻonoʻo ka makua i ke ʻano kūʻokoʻa a me ke ʻano o kēlā me kēia keiki a ʻaʻole ʻo ia e hoʻāʻo e hana like a i ʻole no kēlā me kēia kanaka. ” Pono e hoʻomaikaʻi ʻia kēlā me kēia keiki no ko lākou ʻano, i nā manawa like ʻole, no ka mea ʻokoʻa ke aloha o nā mākua iā lākou! », Hoʻopau ka psychologist.
Hōʻike: Ua makemake au i kaʻu keiki hiapo ma mua o kona kaikaina
Noʻu, ua maopopo ka loaʻa ʻana o nā keiki ... No laila, i koʻu hālāwai ʻana me Bastien, kaʻu kāne, i ka makahiki 26, makemake koke wau e hāpai. Ma hope o ʻumi mahina o ke kali ʻana, ua hāpai au i kaʻu keiki mua. Ua noho mālie au i koʻu hāpai ʻana: Ua hauʻoli loa au i ka lilo ʻana i makuahine! Ua hele mālie kaʻu lawe ʻana. A i koʻu nānā ʻana i kaʻu keiki ʻo David, ua ʻike wau i ka manaʻo nui. aloha i ka ʻike mua no kaʻu pēpē ʻo ia ka mea nani loa o ka honua… Ua waimaka koʻu mau maka! ʻŌlelo mau koʻu makuahine ʻo ia koʻu kiʻi kuha, haʻaheo loa au. Ua hānai au iā ia a ʻo kēlā me kēia hānai he mea maʻamau maoli. Hoʻi mākou i ka home a hoʻomau ka honeymoon ma waena o kaʻu keiki me aʻu. Eia kekahi, ua hiamoe koke ʻo ia. Ua aloha au i kaʻu keiki liʻiliʻi ma mua o nā mea ʻē aʻe, ʻo ia ka mea i hoʻohilahila liʻiliʻi ai kaʻu kāne, ka mea i manaʻo ʻaʻole au i hoʻolohe iā ia!
Ua kamaʻilio kaʻu kāne e pili ana i ka hoʻonui ʻana i ka ʻohana i ka wā he 3 1/2 kaʻu keiki
I ka makahiki ʻekolu a me ka hapa ʻo David, ua kamaʻilio ʻo Bastien e pili ana i ka hoʻonui ʻana i ka ʻohana. Ua ʻae wau, akā noʻonoʻo wau ma hope o ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole au i wikiwiki e hoʻomaka i ka lua. Makaʻu wau i ka hopena o kaʻu keiki, ua lokahi loa ko mākou pilina. A ma kahi kihi iki o koʻu poʻo, manaʻo wau ʻaʻole e loaʻa iaʻu ke aloha nui e hāʻawi aku i ka lua. Ma hope o ʻeono mahina, ua hāpai au a hoʻāʻo e hoʻomākaukau iā David no ka hānau ʻana o kāna kaikaina. : Ua haʻi mākou iā ia he kaikamahine i ka wā i ʻike ai mākou iā mākou iho. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i hauʻoli loa no ka mea makemake ʻo ia i kahi kaikunāne "e pāʻani me", e like me kāna i ʻōlelo ai!
No laila ua hānau au iā Victoria liʻiliʻi, nani ke ʻai, akā ʻaʻole wau i ʻike i ka puʻuwai naʻau i loaʻa iaʻu i ka ʻike ʻana i kona kaikunāne. Ua ʻike wau he mea kahaha, akā ʻaʻole wau hopohopo. ʻO ka mea ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka mea i loko o koʻu manaʻo pehea e ʻae ai ʻo David i kāna kaikuahine liʻiliʻi, a ua hopohopo hoʻi au e hoʻololi paha ka hānau ʻana o kaʻu keiki ʻelua i kā mākou pilina i hui pū ʻia. I ka ʻike ʻana o David iā Victoria no ka manawa mua, ua makaʻu loa ʻo ia, ʻaʻole makemake e hoʻopā iā ia a hoʻomaka i ka pāʻani me kekahi o kāna mau mea pāʻani me ka nānā ʻole iā ia a i ʻole iaʻu! I nā mahina ma hope mai, ua loli nui ko mākou ola.Ala pinepine ʻo Victoria i ka pō, ʻaʻole like me kona kaikunāne i hiamoe wikiwiki loa. Ua luhi au, ʻoiai ua haʻi maikaʻi mai kaʻu kāne iaʻu. I ka lā, hāpai nui au i kaʻu kaikamahine liʻiliʻi, no ka mea, ʻoi aku kona mālie ma kēia ʻano. He ʻoiaʻiʻo ua uē pinepine ʻo ia a ma muli o ka pono, ua hoʻohālikelike au iā ia me David he keiki maluhia i ka makahiki like. Ke loaʻa iaʻu ke keiki liʻiliʻi ma koʻu mau lima, e hele mai kaʻu keiki iaʻu a noi mai iaʻu i pūliki… Makemake ʻo ia iaʻu e hāpai iā ia. ʻOiai ua wehewehe au iā ia he lōʻihi, he pēpē wale nō kona kaikuahine, Ua maopopo iaʻu ua lili ʻo ia. ʻO ia ka mea maʻamau. Akā ʻo wau, ke keaka nei au i nā mea, Ua hewa wau no ka mālama pono ʻole ʻana i kaʻu keiki a ua hoʻāʻo wau e "hoʻoponopono" ma ka hāʻawi ʻana iā ia i nā makana liʻiliʻi a me ka honi iā ia i ka wā e hiamoe ai kaʻu kaikamahine! Ua makaʻu wau e emi kona aloha iaʻu!
"Ua hoʻopau wau i ka ʻae ʻana iaʻu iho ua makemake paha wau iā David ma mua o Victoria"
Ma kahi liʻiliʻi, me ka hoʻopunipuni, ua hoʻopau wau i ka ʻae ʻana iaʻu iho ua makemake paha wau iā David ma mua o Victoria. I koʻu ʻaʻa ʻana e ʻōlelo iaʻu iho, ua hilahila wau. Akā ʻoiai e hana ana i kaʻu hoʻokolokolo ponoʻī, ua hoʻi hou mai ka nui o nā mea liʻiliʻi i koʻu hoʻomanaʻo: he ʻoiaʻiʻo ua kali lōʻihi wau ma mua o ka lawe ʻana iā Victoria i koʻu mau lima i kona wā e uē ana, ʻoiai ʻo David, i ka makahiki like, kokoke wau. ia i ka lua! ʻOiai wau i hānai ai i kaʻu keiki no ʻewalu mahina, ua hoʻōki au i ka hānai ʻana iā Victoria ʻelua mahina ma hope o ka hānau ʻana, me ka ʻōlelo ʻana ua luhi wau. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ua hoʻohālikelike au i koʻu ʻano me nā mea ʻelua, a ua hoʻopiʻi nui au iaʻu iho.
ʻO kēia mau mea a pau i hoʻohaʻahaʻa iaʻu, akā, ʻaʻole wau i ʻaʻa e haʻi i kaʻu kāne no ka hopohopo e hoʻohewa ʻo ia iaʻu. I ka 'oiaʻiʻo, ʻAʻole wau i haʻi aku i kekahi no ia mea, ua manaʻo wau he makuahine ʻino me kaʻu kaikamahine. Ua nalowale au i ka hiamoe! ʻO Victoria, he ʻoiaʻiʻo, he kaikamahine liʻiliʻi huhū, akā i ka manawa like, ua hoʻoʻakaʻaka nui ʻo ia iaʻu ke pāʻani pū mākou. Ua ʻino wau noʻu iho i ka loaʻa ʻana o ia mau manaʻo. Ua hoʻomanaʻo hoʻi au i ka wā o koʻu hāpai ʻana ʻelua ua makaʻu loa wau ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke aloha i kaʻu keiki lua me ka ikaika like me ka mua. A i kēia manawa ua like ia ...
E koho i kekahi o kāna mau keiki: Ua kūkākūkā au i kahi hōʻemi maikaʻi loa
Ua mamao loa kaʻu kāne ma muli o kāna hana, akā ua ʻike ʻo ia ʻaʻole wau i luna. Nīnau mai ʻo ia iaʻu i nā nīnau aʻu i pane ʻole ai. Ua hewa loa au iā Victoria… ʻoiai ʻo ia e ulu maikaʻi ana. Ua hoʻomaka wau e kaumaha. ʻAʻole wau i hiki! Ua ʻōlelo mai kekahi o koʻu mau hoa pili loa e hele e ʻike i kahi psychotherapist e hoʻomaopopo i ka mea e hana nei i kaʻu noggin! Ua loaʻa iaʻu kahi "hōʻemi" kupanaha i hiki iaʻu ke hilinaʻi. ʻO ia ka manawa mua aʻu i kamaʻilio ai i kekahi e pili ana i koʻu hopohopo i koʻu manaʻo ua makemake au i kaʻu keikikāne ma mua o kaʻu kaikamahine. Ua ʻike ʻo ia i ka loaʻa ʻana o nā huaʻōlelo e hōʻoluʻolu iaʻu. Ua wehewehe ʻo ia iaʻu he ʻoi aku ka maʻamau ma mua o kou manaʻo. Akā, he mea kapu ia, no laila ua hewa nā makuahine. I ka wā o nā kau, ua maopopo iaʻu ʻaʻole ʻoe aloha i kāu mau keiki ma ke ʻano like, a he mea maʻamau ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi pilina ʻokoʻa me kēlā me kēia. ʻO ka manaʻo, e hilinaʻi ana i ka manawa, ʻoi aku ka pili ʻana me kekahi, a laila me kekahi, ʻaʻole hiki ke ʻoi aku ka maʻamau. Ua hoʻomaka ke kaumaha o koʻu hewa aʻu e kauo nei me aʻu. Ua hoʻomaha wau ʻaʻole he hihia. Ua kamaʻilio hope wau me kaʻu kāne me kahi puʻupuʻu iki. Hiki iā ia ke ʻike i koʻu hoʻomanawanui ʻole iā Victoria, a ua mālama au iā David me he pēpē lā, akā manaʻo ʻo ia he wahi palupalu nā makuahine a pau no kā lākou keiki. Ua hoʻoholo pū mākou e makaʻala loa. ʻAʻole loa i manaʻo ʻo Victoria ʻo ia ka "ʻeleʻele ʻino" a kona makuahine a manaʻo ʻo David ʻo ia ka "aloha". Ua hoʻonohonoho kaʻu kāne e noho hou ma ka home a mālama nui i nā keiki.
Ma ka ʻōlelo aʻo a koʻu "hōʻemi", ua hoʻololi au i kaʻu mau keiki liʻiliʻi e hele wāwae, i kahi hōʻikeʻike, e ʻai i ka Mac-Do, etc. Ua lōʻihi koʻu noho ʻana me kaʻu kaikamahine i ka wā aʻu i hoʻomoe ai iā ia a heluhelu i ka pūʻulu puke iā ia, a he mea liʻiliʻi kaʻu i hana ai a hiki i kēia manawa. Ua ʻike au i kekahi lā, ʻoiaʻiʻo, he nui nā ʻano ʻano o kaʻu kaikamahine me kaʻu. Ka hoomanawanui ole, ka waiu sopa. A ʻo kēia ʻano ikaika iki, ua hōʻino mai koʻu makuahine iaʻu i koʻu wā kamaliʻi a me koʻu wā ʻōpio! ʻElua māua mau kaikamahine, a manaʻo mau au ua makemake koʻu makuahine i koʻu kaikuaʻana no ka mea ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka launa pū me aʻu. ʻOiaʻiʻo, aia wau i ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa. Akā ʻoi aku koʻu makemake ma mua o nā mea āpau e puka i waho o kēia kumu a hoʻoponopono i nā mea ʻoiai he manawa. I hoʻokahi makahiki o ka lāʻau lapaʻau, manaʻoʻiʻo wau ua lanakila wau i ka hoʻihoʻi ʻana i ke kaulike ma waena o kaʻu mau keiki. Ua ho'ōki au i ka manaʻo hewa i ka lā aʻu i hoʻomaopopo ai ʻo ke aloha ʻokoʻa ʻaʻole ke ʻano o ke aloha liʻiliʻi… ”