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Ka mea hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke haʻi aku i kāu keiki - psychologist
ʻOiaʻiʻo ua ʻōlelo ʻoe kekahi mea mai kēia hoʻonohonoho. He aha ka mea ma laila, ʻaʻole hewa kākou āpau.
I kekahi manawa hana nā mākua i nā mea āpau e kūleʻa ai kā lākou keiki i ka wā e hiki mai ana: hoʻouna lākou iā lākou i kahi kula kiʻekiʻe, uku no ke aʻo ʻana ma ke kulanui hanohano. A ulu aʻe kā lāua keiki i ka kōkua ʻole a me ka hemahema o ka hana. ʻO kahi ʻano Oblomov, e noho nei i kona ola e ka inertia. ʻO mākou, nā mākua, ma ia mau ʻano ua maʻa mau i ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana i kekahi, akā ʻaʻole iā mākou iho. Akā makehewa! Ma hope o nā mea āpau, he aha nā mea a mākou e ʻōlelo aku ai i kā mākou poʻe keiki e hoʻohuli ai i ko lākou wā e hiki mai ana.
Ua hōʻuluʻulu ko mākou loea i ka papa inoa o nā huaʻōlelo a lohe ʻole ʻia e kāu keiki.
A eia nō hoʻi "mai hoʻopā aku iā ia", "mai hele i laila". Lohe kā mākou poʻe keiki i kēia mau ʻōlelo i nā manawa āpau. ʻOiaʻiʻo, pinepine, manaʻo mākou no ka palekana wale nō lākou. ʻOiai ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka hūnā ʻana i nā mea weliweli, e hoʻokau i ka pale ma mua o ka hāʻawi mau ʻana i nā ʻōkuhi.
- Inā pāpā mākou i ka hana ʻana i kekahi mea, hoʻonele mākou i ke keiki i ka hoʻoholomua. I ka manawa like, ʻaʻole ʻike ke keiki i ka ʻāpana "ʻaʻole". ʻLelo ʻoe, "Mai hana," a hana ʻo ia a hoʻopaʻi ʻia. Akā ʻaʻole maopopo ke keiki i ke kumu. A ke ʻōhumu ʻoe iā ia no ke kolu o ka manawa, lilo ia i hōʻailona iā ia: "Inā hana hou wau i kahi mea, e hoʻopaʻi ʻia wau." No laila hana ʻoe i ka hemahema o ka hoʻokumu ʻana i ke keiki.
"E nānā i ka maikaʻi o ka hana a kēlā keiki, ʻaʻole e like me ʻoe." "Loaʻa i kāu mau hoaaloha āpau iā ʻA, akā he aha ʻoe?!".
- ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻohālikelike i kahi keiki me kekahi kanaka ʻē aʻe. Hoʻokumu kēia i ka lili, kahi mea ʻole e hoʻonāukiuki ai i ke aʻo ʻana. Ma ka laulā, ʻaʻohe lili ʻeleʻele a keʻokeʻo paha, luku kekahi lili, hoʻohaʻahaʻa iho i ka manaʻo pilikino iā ʻoe iho. Piʻi ke keiki me ka palekana ʻole, nānā mau i nā ola o kekahi poʻe ʻē aʻe. Makehewa ka poʻe lili. Kuhi lākou e like me kēia: "No ke aha wau e hoʻāʻo ai e hoʻokō i kekahi mea, inā kūʻai ʻia nā mea āpau ma nā wahi āpau, inā hele nā mea āpau i nā keiki a nā mākua waiwai, inā lanakila wale ka poʻe pili."
Hoʻohālikelike i ke keiki me ia wale nō: "E nānā i ka wikiwiki o kou hoʻoponopono ʻana i ka pilikia, a i nehinei ua noʻonoʻo lōʻihi ʻoe e pili ana!"
“Hāʻawi i kēia mea pāʻani i kou kaikaina, ua ʻelemakule ʻoe.” "No ke aha ʻoe i hahau ai iā ia, ua ʻōpio ʻo ia." ʻO ia mau māmala ʻōlelo ka nui o nā hānau mua, akā ʻaʻole maʻalahi kēia maʻalahi no lākou.
- ʻAʻole hewa ke keiki no kona hānau mua ʻia. No laila, mai ʻōlelo i kēlā mau huaʻōlelo inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e makemake e ulu aʻe kāu mau keiki he malihini i kekahi i kekahi. E hoʻomaka ke keiki makua e ʻike iā ia iho me he nanny, akā ʻaʻole ʻo ia e aloha nui i kona kaikunāne a i ʻole kona kaikuahine. Eia kekahi, i kona ola a pau e hōʻike ʻo ia ke kūpono i ke aloha kiʻekiʻe loa, ma kahi o ke kūkulu ʻana i kāna hopena ponoʻī.
ʻĀ, a laila: "hūpō / palaualelo / kuleana ʻole ʻoe."
"Me nā huaʻōlelo e like me kēia, hānai ʻoe i kahi mea hoʻopunipuni. E maʻalahi ka wahaheʻe o ke keiki e pili ana i kāna mau māka ma mua o ka hoʻolohe ʻana i kahi tirade ʻē aʻe e pili ana i kona ʻino. Lilo ke kanaka i ʻelua helehelena, hoʻāʻo e ʻoluʻolu i nā mea āpau, ʻoiai ke ʻeha nei i ka manaʻo haʻahaʻa.
ʻElua mau lula maʻalahi: "ʻeʻekahi manawa, hoʻomaikaʻi i ka ʻehiku", "e ʻōhumu i hoʻokahi i hoʻokahi, e hoʻomaikaʻi i mua o nā mea āpau." E hāhai iā lākou, a makemake ke keiki e hana i kekahi mea.
ʻ saylelo nā mākua i kēia huaʻōlelo me ka nānā ʻole ʻia. Ma hope o nā mea āpau, makemake mākou e aʻo i kahi kanaka noʻonoʻo ikaika, ʻaʻole ʻūpā. No laila, hoʻohui pinepine mākou ma hope: "He makua ʻoe", "He kāne ʻoe."
-ʻAʻole e alakaʻi i nā manaʻo i nā mea maikaʻi. I ka wā e hiki mai ana, ʻaʻole hiki i ke keiki ke hōʻike i kona mau manaʻo, lilo ʻo ia i callous. Eia hou, hiki i ke kaomi ʻana i nā manaʻo ke alakaʻi i nā maʻi somatic: maʻi puʻuwai, maʻi ʻōpū, hānō, psoriasis, diabetes a me ka maʻi ʻaʻai.
“Liʻiliʻi nō ʻoe. ʻO wau iho
ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o kā mākou holoi ʻana i nā pā iā mākou iho ma mua o ka hāʻawi ʻana i kēia i kahi keiki, a laila hōʻiliʻili i nā papa haki mai ka papahele. ʻAe, a ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka lawe ʻana i nā kūʻai mai nā hale kūʻai mai iā ʻoe iho - hiki koke ke keiki ma ʻō.
- He aha kā mākou hopena? Makua nā keiki a i kēia manawa hōʻole lākou i ke kōkua ʻole i ko lākou mau mākua. Eia kahi aloha iā lākou mai ka wā i hala. Me nā huaʻōlelo "hāʻawi, ʻo wau iho," "liʻiliʻi ʻoe," hoʻonele mākou i nā keiki i ke kūʻokoʻa. ʻAʻole makemake ke keiki e hana hou i kāna iho, ma ke kauoha wale nō. ʻAʻole kūkulu kēlā mau keiki i ka wā e hiki mai ana i kahi ʻoihana kūleʻa, ʻaʻole lākou e lilo i poʻokela nui, no ka mea ua maʻa lākou i ka hana wale nō i ka hana i haʻi ʻia iā lākou e hana.
“Mai ʻeleu. Maikaʻi wau ʻike ”
ʻĀ, a ma ke ʻano he koho: "Noho mālie ke ʻōlelo nā mākua", "ʻAʻole ʻoe i ʻike i kou manaʻo", "ʻAʻole ʻoe i nīnau ʻia mai iā ʻoe."
- Nā mākua e ʻōlelo i kēia pono e kamaʻilio me kahi psychologist. Eia naʻe, ʻaʻole lākou makemake i kā lākou pēpē e akamai. ʻAʻole paha makemake nui kēia mau mākua i kahi keiki. Ke kokoke nei ka manawa, akā ʻaʻole ʻoe ʻike i nā kumu.
A i ka nui ʻana o kahi keiki, hoʻomaka lili nā mākua i kona mau hiki a, i kēlā me kēia manawa kūpono, e hoʻāʻo e "hoʻokau iā ia i kona wahi." Ulu ʻo ia me ka ʻole o ka hoʻoholomua, me ka manaʻo haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa.
"... E kūkulu wau i kahi ʻoihana", "… ua male", "... haʻalele no kekahi ʻāina ʻē" a me nā ʻōlelo hōʻino ʻē aʻe a nā makuahine.
- Ma hope o nā huaʻōlelo weliweli, ʻaʻole ola ke keiki. Ua like ʻo ia me kahi hakahaka, ʻaʻole mahalo ʻia kona ola e kona makuahine ponoʻī. He maʻi pinepine kēlā mau keiki, a hiki nō hoʻi ke pepehi kanaka.
ʻO kēlā mau māmalaʻōlelo hiki ke ʻōlelo ʻia e kēlā mau makuahine wale nō i hānau ʻole no lākou iho, akā i ke kauoha, no ka laʻana, e manipulate i kahi kāne. ʻIke lākou iā lākou iho he mau mea hōʻeha a hoʻopiʻi i kēlā me kēia no kā lākou holomua.
"Ua like ʻoe me kou makuakāne"
A ke hoʻokolokolo nei i ka intonation me ka ʻōlelo maʻamau o kēia huaʻōlelo, ʻo ka hoʻohālikelike ʻana me ka makuakāne ʻaʻole ia he mahalo.
- ʻO ia mau huaʻōlelo e hōʻemi i ke kuleana o ka makuakāne. No laila, pilikia pinepine nā kaikamahine me nā kāne i ka wā e hiki mai ana. ʻAʻole maopopo i kahi keikikāne e ulu ana i ke ʻano o ke kāne i ka ʻohana.
A i ʻole: "Hoʻololi koke!", "ʻAuhea ʻoe i kēia palapala?"
- Nā ʻōlelo a mākou e hoʻāʻo nei e hoʻokau i ke keiki iā mākou iho. Ke koho nei i ko lākou lole no nā keiki, pepehi mākou i ko lākou makemake e moemoeā, ko lākou hiki ke hoʻoholo a hoʻolohe i kā lākou makemake. Hoʻomaʻamaʻa lākou i ka noho ʻana i ke ala a haʻi e haʻi ai iā lākou.
A he mea nui loa ʻaʻole wale ia i ka mea a mākou e ʻōlelo aku ai i ke keiki, akā pehea hoʻi mākou e ʻōlelo ai. E heluhelu maʻalahi nā kamaliʻi i ko mākou ʻano maikaʻi ʻole a lawe nui i kā lākou moʻokāki.