No ke aha mākou e wahaheʻe ai i kahi psychotherapist?

1. Ka hilahila a me ka makau i ka hoohewa

ʻO kēia ke kumu maʻamau e wahaheʻe ai nā mea kūʻai aku i kahi lāʻau lapaʻau. Ma ke ala, hoʻopunipuni pinepine mākou i kā mākou poʻe aloha no ke kumu hoʻokahi - no ka hilahila a me ka makaʻu i ka hoʻohewa. Hiki i ka hoʻopunipuni ke komo i ka hoʻohana ʻana i ka lāʻau lapaʻau, ka launa pū ʻana a i ʻole ke aloha, a me nā ʻano ʻē aʻe i manaʻo ʻia he hewa. I kekahi manawa pili ia i nā manaʻo ʻē a me nā moʻoʻōlelo i loaʻa iā ia.

Ua hoihoi pinepine ʻia ʻo Maria he 35 makahiki i nā kāne ʻike ʻole. Ua loaʻa iā ia kekahi mau hanana hoihoi me ia mau hoa, ʻaʻole ia i alakaʻi i kahi pilina maoli a waiho i kahi manaʻo o ka pōʻino a me ka hōʻeha. I ka wā i komo ai ʻo Maria i kahi hihia me kahi kāne male, ua hōʻike ka mea lapaʻau i kona hopohopo, akā ua lawe ʻo Maria i ka hoʻohewa ʻana. Me ka ʻike ʻole i kāna hana, ua hoʻōki ʻo ia i ke kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i kāna mau hālāwai me kēia kanaka i ke kauka. I ka hopena, ua puka mai nā hemahema, a ua hiki iā Maria a me ka psychologist ke hoʻoponopono i kēia pilikia.

2. Ka hilinaʻi a i ʻole ka pilina paʻakikī me ke kauka

ʻO ka hana pū me kahi psychotherapist e hoʻāla i nā manaʻo ʻeha a me nā hoʻomanaʻo. Hiki ke paʻakikī ke kamaʻilio e pili ana iā lākou i kekahi. E like me kāu e ʻike ai, ʻo kekahi o nā lula kumu o ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻana ʻo ia ka "'ōlelo i nā mea a pau i hiki i ka naʻau." Akā ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī o kēia hana ma mua o ka mea i ʻike ʻia, ʻoiai inā aia ka ʻike o ke kumakaia ma hope ou a paʻakikī ke hilinaʻi i nā kānaka.

Pono e hoʻokumu ʻia ka hilinaʻi ma waena o ʻoe a me ka psychologist i ka wā mua. Pono ʻoe e manaʻo e mahalo ka loea iā ʻoe a ua hāmama i ka hoʻohewa. ʻO ka pinepine o ka pilina therapeutic e lilo i ka naʻau. Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaopopo he aloha ʻoe a inaina paha i kāu kauka. He paʻakikī kēia mau manaʻo ikaika e hōʻike pololei.

Inā ʻike ʻoe ʻaʻole maʻalahi iā ʻoe ke wehe aʻe, ʻaʻole ʻoe i hilinaʻi i kēia kanaka, e hāpai i kēia pilikia ma kāu kūkākūkā e hiki mai ana! Ua hala kekahi manawa, akā mau ka manaʻo? A laila pono paha e ʻimi i kahi loea hou. ʻO ke kumu maoli o kāu mau pilikia a me ke kī o kā lākou hoʻonā e hōʻike wale ʻia ma kahi pilina hilinaʻi me ke kauka.

3. E wahahee oe ia oe iho

Manaʻo pinepine ka mea kūʻai aku e ʻoiaʻiʻo, akā ʻaʻole hiki ke ʻae i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e pili ana iā ia iho a i ʻole kekahi mea kokoke iā ia. Hele mākou a pau i ka therapy me kahi manaʻo mākaukau no mākou iho. I ke kaʻina hana, hoʻololi kēia kiʻi, hoʻomaka mākou e ʻike i nā kūlana hou a mākou e makemake ʻole e ʻike.

Ua hele mai ʻo ʻApelila i ka lāʻau lapaʻau no ka mea ua kaumaha ʻo ia no nā mahina a ʻaʻole maopopo i ke kumu. ʻAʻole i liʻuliʻu ua haʻi ʻo ia me ka mea lapaʻau i nā kikoʻī o ka pilina me kāna kāne. Ua hoʻopiʻi ʻo ia ua haʻalele ʻo ia i kēlā me kēia ahiahi, e hoʻi lohi ana i ka home me ka ʻole o ka wehewehe ʻana.

I kekahi lā, ua loaʻa iā ʻApelila kahi condom i hoʻohana ʻia i loko o kahi pahu ʻōpala. I kona haʻi ʻana i kāna kāne no kēia, ua pane ʻo ia ua hoʻoholo ʻo ia e hoʻāʻo i kahi condom mai kahi mea hana ʻē aʻe e ʻike ai inā kūpono ia. Ua ʻae ʻo ʻApelila i kēia wehewehe ʻana me ka nīnau ʻole. Ua haʻi ʻo ia i ke kauka ua hilinaʻi piha ʻo ia i kāna kāne. I ka ʻike ʻana i ke ʻano kānalua o ka mea lapaʻau, wikiwiki ʻo ia e hōʻoia hou iā ia ʻaʻole ʻo ia i kānalua i kāna kāne no kekona. Ua ʻike ʻia i ka lāʻau lapaʻau e hoʻopunipuni ana ke kāne o ʻApelila iā ia, akā ʻaʻole ʻo ia i mākaukau e hōʻoia iā ia iho—ʻo ia hoʻi, ua wahaheʻe ʻo ʻApelila iā ia iho.

4. ʻAʻole hoʻohui i nā ʻoiaʻiʻo a hana i kahi pilina

ʻAʻole hiki i kekahi poʻe maʻi ke ʻoiaʻiʻo loa, ʻaʻole no ka mea makemake lākou e hūnā i kekahi mea, akā no ka mea ʻaʻole lākou i hana i nā trauma i hala a ʻike ʻole i ko lākou hopena i ke ola. Ke kapa nei au he hemahema ka hoʻohui ʻana i nā ʻoiaʻiʻo.

ʻO Misha, no ka laʻana, ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke komo i kahi pilina: ʻaʻole ʻo ia i hilinaʻi i kekahi, mālama mau ʻo ia. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i ʻae i kahi psychotherapist i loaʻa i kona makuahine i ka waiʻona, ʻaʻole hilinaʻi a loaʻa ʻole ka naʻau. Akā, hūnā ʻo ia me ka manaʻo ʻole: ʻaʻole ʻo ia i ʻike i kahi pilina ma waena o kēia mau kūlana.

ʻAʻole kēia he wahaheʻe no kēlā me kēia, akā ʻo ka hiki ʻole ke hoʻopili i nā ʻoiaʻiʻo a hoʻopau i ke kiʻi. Ua ʻike ʻo Misha he mea paʻakikī iā ia ke hilinaʻi i kekahi, a ua ʻike pū ʻo ia ua loaʻa kona makuahine i ka waiʻona, akā e hoʻokaʻawale pono i kēia mau kūlana mai kekahi i kekahi.

E hana anei ka lāʻau lapaʻau inā ʻoe e wahaheʻe?

ʻAʻole ʻeleʻele a keʻokeʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. Loaʻa nā mea i ke ola a mākou e neʻe aku ai, me ka manawaleʻa a me ka ʻole. Aia nā hanana a me nā kūlana e hoʻohilahila ai, hilahila, a hopohopo paha ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke ʻae iā mākou iho, koe wale nō ka mea lapaʻau.

Inā ʻike ʻoe aia kekahi mau mea āu i mākaukau ʻole e kūkākūkā, pono e haʻi i kahi loea e pili ana i kēia. Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻāʻo e hoʻomaopopo i ke kumu o ka ʻeha a paʻakikī paha iā ʻoe ke kamaʻilio e pili ana. I kekahi manawa, hiki iā ʻoe ke kaʻana like i kēia ʻike.

Akā ʻo kekahi mau pilikia e lawe i ka manawa. I ka hihia o ʻApelila, no ka laʻana, ua ʻike wale ʻia ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ma hope o kekahi mau makahiki o ka hana ʻana me kahi lāʻau lapaʻau.

Inā ʻike ʻoe e peʻe a hoʻopunipuni paha ʻoe, e haʻi aku i ka psychologist no ia mea. ʻO ka hana pinepine o ka hāpai ʻana i ke kumuhana e kōkua i ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻana a me ka wehe ʻana i nā mea pale e pale ai i ka wehe ʻana.

Puna: psychologytoday.com