No ke aha he mea paʻakikī loa iā mākou i kekahi manawa ke ʻōlelo "ʻaʻole" a i ʻole "hoʻomaha", e hōʻole i kahi kono a hāʻawi ʻia, a hōʻike i ka hilinaʻi ma ka laulā? Manaʻo ka psychologist Tarra Bates-Dufort i ka wā e makemake ai mākou e ʻōlelo "ʻaʻole" a ʻōlelo "ʻae", hahai mākou i kahi palapala pilikanaka aʻo. Me ka hoʻoikaika ʻana, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻopau iā ia i hoʻokahi manawa.
ʻO kekahi o nā kumu nui e makaʻu ai mākou e ʻōlelo "ʻaʻole" ʻo ka makaʻu e hōʻeha a hōʻeha paha i kekahi. Eia naʻe, inā hoʻolohe mākou a hana i kekahi mea e pale aku ai i ka hōʻeha ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, pilikia mākou e hōʻeha iā mākou iho ma ke kāohi ʻana i ko mākou pono ponoʻī a hūnā i ko mākou ʻano maoli.
ʻO kaʻu mau maʻi, he mea paʻakikī ke ʻōlelo ʻole, haʻi pinepine mai iaʻu ua manaʻo lākou "he kuleana e hoʻokomo iā lākou iho i nā kāmaʻa o kekahi." Hoʻomau pinepine lākou i ka ʻōlelo ʻana "inā ʻo wau ma kahi o kēlā kanaka, makemake wau e hālāwai i ka hapalua like me kaʻu e hana ai."
Eia naʻe, i ka wā e pili ana i ka mea nui, ko lākou mau pono ponoʻī a me nā pono a i ʻole nā pono o nā mea ʻē aʻe, manaʻo ka hapa nui iā lākou iho. Noho mākou i kahi honua paʻakikī e koi iā mākou e neʻe i mua i kēlā me kēia kumukūʻai, me ka nānā ʻole i ka pōʻino i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. No laila, ʻaʻole pololei ka manaʻo o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe e like me ʻoe a mākaukau e lawelawe iā ʻoe i mea e pōʻino ai ko lākou mau pono.
Ma ke aʻo ʻana pehea e ʻōlelo ai ʻaʻole, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻohana i kēia mākaukau ma nā wahi like ʻole o kou ola.
He mea nui e hoʻomohala i ka hiki ke ʻōlelo "ʻaʻole" a ʻaʻole e hele pū me nā noi a nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i ʻoluʻolu a makemake ʻole paha iā ʻoe. He mea nui kēia mākau no ke kūkulu ʻana i nā hoaaloha lōʻihi a kūleʻa, ʻoihana a me nā pilina aloha.
Ke aʻo ʻoe, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻohana i kēia mākaukau ma nā wahi like ʻole o kou ola.
8 kumu paʻakikī iā mākou e ʻōlelo "ʻaʻole"
• ʻAʻole mākou makemake e hōʻeha a hōʻeha i kekahi.
• Makaʻu mākou ʻaʻole makemake kekahi iā mākou.
• ʻAʻole mākou makemake e ʻike ʻia he poʻe paʻakikī a ʻoluʻolu wale nō.
• He koi koʻikoʻi ko mākou e hoʻokomo iā mākou iho i nā kāmaʻa o kekahi.
• Ua aʻo ʻia mākou e "maikaʻi" mau.
• Makaʻu mākou i ka ʻike ʻana i ka hakakā
• ʻAʻole mākou makemake e hoʻonāukiuki i kekahi
• Loaʻa iā mākou nā pilikia me nā palena pilikino
Ma ka hana ʻana i ka mea a mākou e makemake ʻole ai e hōʻoluʻolu i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, hoʻokomo pinepine mākou i ko lākou nāwaliwali a me nā hewa, a laila e ulu ana i loko o lākou ka hilinaʻi ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe a i ʻole ka manaʻoʻiʻo he aie nā kānaka a pau iā lākou. Inā ʻike ʻoe e pili ana ka hapa nui o kēia mau kumu iā ʻoe, a laila loaʻa paha nā pilikia koʻikoʻi me nā palena pilikino.
ʻO ka poʻe i paʻakikī i ka ʻōlelo ʻana "ʻaʻole" ke manaʻo pinepine nei lākou i ke kihi a me ka paʻakikī. Inā hoʻāʻo e hōʻike i ka hilinaʻi a pale aku i nā pono o kekahi ke kumu i nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole, hiki i ke kanaka a i ʻole ka hui psychotherapy ke kōkua i kēia.
E kāpae i ka hana maʻamau, e ʻike ʻoe i ke kūʻokoʻa
Inā pilikia ʻoe i ka ʻōlelo ʻole, e hoʻomanaʻo iā ʻoe iho ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e ʻae. Ma ke kāpae ʻana i ke ʻano maʻamau o ka hana a hoʻōki i ka hana ʻana i ka mea āu e makemake ʻole ai a hoʻoulu i ka pilikia, e ʻike ʻoe i ke kūʻokoʻa.
Ma ke aʻo ʻana e hana i kēia, e lilo ʻoe i mea hilinaʻi nui, e hōʻemi i kou launa pū ʻana me nā poʻe hoʻokamani a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻole, a hiki iā ʻoe ke kūkulu i nā pilina maikaʻi aʻe me nā mea koʻikoʻi iā ʻoe.
A ʻo ka mea ʻē aʻe, ke aʻo ʻoe e ʻōlelo ʻaʻole, e liʻiliʻi paha ʻoe i ka haʻi ʻana, no ka mea, e hoʻomaopopo ana nā poʻe ʻē aʻe he pono e mālama pono i kāu mau ʻōlelo.
No ka mea kākau: ʻO Tarra Bates-Dufort he kanaka psychologist a me ka psychotherapist i loea i nā pilikia ʻohana a me ka hoʻokele trauma.