Contents
Me he mea lā ʻaʻohe mea hilahila i kēia, no ka mea, hiki i nā mea āpau ke pilikia. Akā inā pono ʻoe e noi i kekahi no ka lokomaikaʻi, hilahila ka poʻe, hōʻuluʻulu i ko lākou wiwo ʻole no ka manawa lōʻihi a loaʻa nā huaʻōlelo me ka paʻakikī. Ua wehewehe ʻo Ellen Hendriksen psychologist i ke kumu o kēia hana a pehea e hoʻoponopono ai i ka hopohopo.
Ke makemake ʻia ke kōkua, ʻo ka poʻe wiwo ʻole a paʻa loa i waena o mākou e like me nā keiki hilahila. Hoʻomaka mākou e kamaʻilio me ka ʻole, e hele mai me nā kumu kūpono, e ʻimi i nā kumu, a i ʻole e huki i waho a hiki i ka hope. I loko o ka hohonu o ko lākou puʻuwai, ua ʻae nā mea a pau he ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka noi ʻana i ke kōkua ma mua o ka hoʻomāinoino ʻia, akā pehea ka paʻakikī!
Wahi a ka psychologist Ellen Hendriksen, ua hao ʻia mākou i ka hilinaʻi a me ka ʻōlelo ʻole e nā makaʻu maʻamau ʻelima. A aia i loko o ko mākou mana ke kū'ē iā lākou, a no laila e aʻo e noi i ke kōkua me ka ʻole e hōʻino i ko mākou haʻaheo.
1. Makaʻu i ke kaumaha
Ke hopohopo nei mākou ma mua o ke kanaka e kaumaha i kekahi mea no mākou. Hōʻike ʻia kēia makaʻu iā ia iho i nā manaʻo e like me "ua lawa kāna hopohopo me ka ʻole oʻu" a i ʻole "he mau mea nui kāna e hana ai."
He aha e hana
ʻO ka mea mua, e hoʻomanaʻo iā ʻoe iho makemake nā kānaka e kōkua. ʻAʻole kēia e hoʻoikaika wale i nā pilina pili kaiaulu, akā hāʻawi pū kekahi i ka leʻaleʻa. ʻO ka nucleus accumbens, ka hapa mua loa o ka lolo, pane i nā hana altruistic e like me ka hana ʻana i ka wahine a me ka meaʻai. ʻO ka noi ʻana i ke kōkua me he ʻaelike e ʻae i kahi makana a ʻoiaʻiʻo e ʻoluʻolu i ka mea āu e kamaʻilio nei. E waiho i ke kanaka e hoʻoholo inā ʻaʻole lākou e hoʻokō i kāu noi a ʻaʻole paha.
ʻO ka lua, e noʻonoʻo e pili ana i kāu hana inā pono kāu hoaaloha i ke kōkua. ʻO ka mea nui paha, e ʻoluʻolu ʻoe a hāʻawi ʻoluʻolu i kahi lokomaikaʻi. A like ka manaʻo o ke koena.
He mea nui e noi i kekahi mea kiko'ī. ʻO ka huaʻōlelo “Hiki iaʻu ke hoʻohana i kekahi kōkua” ʻaʻole maopopo a maopopo ʻole, akā "ʻo kēia mau lāʻau lapaʻau e hoʻolilo iaʻu e like me ka lemon i ʻoki ʻia, ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke iho i lalo i ka hale kūʻai" ke kani a maopopo. Inā makemake kekahi hoaaloha e hoʻoponopono i kekahi o kāu mau pilikia, e hilinaʻi iā ia. E ʻōlelo i kekahi mea e like me, "Mahalo no kou hopohopo. ʻOiaʻiʻo, makemake nui au i ke kōkua me ka holoi lole - ma hope o ka hana ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke hāpai i ke kaumaha. I ka manawa hea ʻoe makemake e komo i loko?»
2. Makaʻu i ka ʻae ʻana ʻaʻole i kaohi ke kūlana
ʻO ka manawa pinepine e uhi ʻia kēlā makaʻu i ka poʻe e hōʻole i nā pilikia no ka lōʻihi loa: kahi pilikia i ka pilina, ʻona ʻona, a pēlā aku. Manaʻo mākou e like me nā hemahema a hilahila ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke hana iā mākou iho.
He aha e hana
ʻOiaʻiʻo, hiki iā ʻoe ke hakakā iā ʻoe iho, akā, auwe, ʻoiai nā hoʻoikaika āpau, ʻaʻole hiki i nā mea āpau a ʻaʻole hiki ke mālama ʻia e mākou. E like me kou ʻike, ʻaʻole hiki ke pani ʻia ka nalu, akā hiki ke holo. A ʻo ka mea maikaʻi loa, inā he hoa kokoke.
E ho'āʻo e hoʻokaʻawale i ka pilikia mai iā ʻoe iho a noʻonoʻo iā ia he mea animated. E kahakiʻi iā ia, a ma kahi ʻē aʻe - ʻo ʻoe iho a me ka mea e kōkua iā ia e lanakila. Aia kekahi pilikia, akā ʻaʻole ʻo ʻoe a i ʻole kekahi. Ke kūkākūkā ʻana i nā hoʻonā, hiki iā ʻoe ke kuhikuhi i ka pilikia e like me "ia". I ka ʻohana ʻohana, ua kapa ʻia kēia ʻano hana ʻo "joint detachment."
Penei paha ke kamaʻilio ʻana: “Pono ka ʻaiʻē kāleka hōʻaiʻē e pani koke i ka hiki ma mua o ko mākou lele ʻana i ka paipu. Aneane e hemo keia. E noʻonoʻo pū kāua pehea e ʻoki ai i nā kumukūʻai.
3. Makau i ka aie
Kakaikahi ka poʻe makemake e manaʻo pono. Ke manaʻoʻiʻo nei mākou e uku mākou me kahi lawelawe like, me he mea lā ke kōkua ʻia nei mākou ma muli o ka manaʻo ponoʻī.
He aha e hana
Ua alakaʻi kekahi hui o nā psychologists ma ke Kulanui o Kaleponi i kahi noiʻi e pili ana i ka mahalo a me ka hoʻokō i ka pilina male. Ua ʻike ʻia ʻo nā kāne e hoʻomaikaʻi ana i kekahi i kekahi no kahi kōkua liʻiliʻi (ʻaʻole no ka mea pono, akā no ka makemake) hauʻoli a hoʻopaʻapaʻa pinepine. "ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻo ka mahalo ke kī i kahi male hauʻoli," i hoʻopau ai nā mea kākau.
ʻO ka mua, e noʻonoʻo i ka mea hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻopili. Inā ʻike ʻoe ʻaʻole hōʻole ke kanaka i ka pāʻani ʻana i ka hewa a maʻalahi i ka hoʻopunipuni, e ʻimi i kahi ʻē aʻe. Ke kōkua lākou ma muli o ke aloha a kau i nā kūlana he nui, he kuleana ia. Ke kōkua lākou me ka ʻoluʻolu a me ka nīnau ʻole, he makana kēia.
E ʻōlelo kākou ua hoʻokō ʻia kāu noi. E hoʻololi i kahi manaʻo o ke kuleana («Ua aie wau iā ia!») He manaʻo mahalo («Ua pane maikaʻi ʻo ia!»). Inā hoʻomaopopo ʻoe i ka manawa like ʻoe makemake (a ʻaʻole pono) e hana i kahi mea maikaʻi i ke kanaka, e hana. Akā ma ka laulā, ma hope o kou kōkua ʻia ʻana, ua lawa ka ʻōlelo ʻana: “Mahalo! Mahalo nui au iā ia!”
4. Ka makaʻu i ka nawaliwali (ʻilihune, inept, stupid…)
ʻAʻole mākou e noi pinepine i ke kōkua no ka makaʻu o manaʻo ʻino ʻia iā mākou.
He aha e hana
E hōʻike i kou pilikia ma ke ʻano he manawa e kūkākūkā ai me kahi loea, a ʻo ʻoe iho he mea hana akamai e pono ai i nā mea hana pono.
E hoʻomanaʻo i ka mea āu i manaʻo ai he loea. Malia paha ua hoʻokolokolo ʻia kou ʻohana a hiki iā ia ke haʻi kikoʻī iā ʻoe e pili ana i ka mammogram e makaʻu nui iā ʻoe. Hiki paha i ka ʻōpio akamai e noho ana ma ka ʻaoʻao ke kōkua i ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana i kāu pūnaewele ʻilihune. I kekahi hihia, e mālama i ka poʻe ma ke ʻano he poʻe loea - manaʻoʻiʻo mai iaʻu, e hauʻoli lākou.
No ka laʻana: "Ke hoʻomanaʻo nei au i ka manawa hope āu e ʻimi nei i kahi hana, ua kāhea ʻia ʻoe no nā nīnauele he nui i ka manawa hoʻokahi. He kālena wale nō kāu! Paʻakikī wau me kahi leka uhi. Hiki iā ʻoe ke nānā i kaʻu mau kiʻi kiʻi a hāʻawi mai iaʻu i kekahi mau manaʻo?" E hoʻohana i nā huaʻōlelo: "Hiki iā ʻoe ke hōʻike mai iaʻu?", "Hiki iā ʻoe ke wehewehe?", "Hiki iā ʻoe ke hāʻawi mai iaʻu i kou manaʻo?", "ʻAʻole wau i hana i kēia i ka manawa lōʻihi, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomanaʻo mai iaʻu?".
5. Makau i ka hoole
Puhi i ka waiū, puhi i ka wai, ʻeā? Ua hoʻohuli paha kekahi iā ʻoe i kou wā pilikia? Inā hoʻomanaʻo mau ʻoe i kēlā hōʻailona "kuha i ka maka", ʻaʻole ia he mea kupanaha ʻaʻole ʻoe makemake e hana hou i nā hoʻāʻo e noi i ke kōkua.
He aha e hana
ʻO ka mua, e hoʻāʻo e hoʻololi i kou ʻano no kēlā haʻawina ʻawaʻawa. He aha ke kumu o ka hōʻole ʻana - iā ʻoe a i ʻole nā kānaka ʻē aʻe? ʻO ka mea pōʻino, ʻaʻohe manaʻo o kekahi poʻe. Makaʻu kekahi poʻe, "ʻaʻohe mea e hana." Manaʻo wale kekahi iā lākou iho. ʻAʻole manaʻo ka hōʻole ʻana he mea hewa iā ʻoe. He pilikia paha ka poʻe āu i ʻaʻa ai e hoʻopilikia. Mai hoʻonāwaliwali. Inā kūpono ka noi, e pane mai kekahi iā ia.
Eia kekahi, i ka manawa e pono ai ʻoe i ke kōkua, e hoʻohana i ka ʻenehana decatastrophe. E noʻonoʻo ua hiki mai ka makaʻu: ua haʻi ʻia ʻoe "ʻaʻole". Pehea ka hewa? Ua pilikia anei nā mea a pau? ʻO ka mea nui, "ʻaʻole" wale nō ʻaʻole i loli kou kūlana.
Inā makaʻu ʻoe i ka hōʻole ʻana, e ʻae mai i ʻole ʻoe hopohopo. E hoʻomaopopo kekahi kanaka naʻauao i kou kūlana a mālama iā ʻoe me ke aloha. No ka laʻana: "Hilahila wau, akā naʻe - hiki iaʻu ke noi i kahi ʻoluʻolu?"
ʻAʻole maʻalahi ka noi ʻana i ke kōkua, akā pono ia. ʻO ka mea nui e hāʻawi a loaʻa me ka mahalo. E noʻonoʻo i ka karma. E noʻonoʻo e uku mua. E noʻonoʻo ʻoe he hāʻawi kēia i ka waihona maʻamau o ka maikaʻi.
No ka mea kākau: ʻO Kauka Ellen Hendriksen he kauka psychologist a he lālā kumu ma ke kula ʻo Stanford University School of Medicine.