7 poʻe hiki ke hōʻino i kou ola

Ma kahi o 20 mau makahiki i hala aku nei ua lohe au i ka ʻōlelo hoʻohenehene e pili ana i nā psychologists. Ua haʻi kekahi kanaka i kāna moeʻuhane i kahi psychoanalyst: "Ua moe wau ua ʻākoakoa mākou me ka ʻohana holoʻokoʻa no kahi pāʻina pāʻina. Maikaʻi nā mea a pau. Kūkākūkā mākou no ke ola. A i kēia manawa makemake wau e noi i koʻu makuahine e hāʻawi mai iaʻu i ka ʻaila. Akā, haʻi wau iā ia, "Ua hōʻino ʻoe i koʻu ola."

Ma kēia anecdote, i hoʻomaopopo piha ʻia e nā psychologists, aia kekahi ʻoiaʻiʻo. I kēlā me kēia makahiki, hoʻopiʻi nā miliona o ka poʻe i kā lākou psychotherapists e pili ana i ko lākou ʻohana, nā hoa hana, nā hoaaloha. Hōʻike lākou i ko lākou nalo ʻana i ka manawa e mare ai, loaʻa kahi hoʻonaʻauao kūpono, hana i kahi ʻoihana a lilo wale i poʻe hauʻoli. ʻO wai ka hewa no kēia?

1. Mākua

ʻO ka maʻamau, hoʻopiʻi ʻia nā mākua no nā hemahema āpau. ʻO kā lākou moho ka mea maʻalahi a maopopo loa. Kūkākūkā mākou me nā mākua mai ka hānau ʻana, no laila, ʻoi aku ka nui o nā manawa a me ka manawa e hoʻomaka ai e hōʻino i ko mākou wā e hiki mai ana.

ʻAe, na nā mākua i hānai a hoʻonaʻauao iā mākou, akā ʻaʻole paha lākou i hāʻawi nui i ke aloha a i aloha nui ʻia, hoʻomāinoino iā mākou, a i ʻole, pāpā nui loa, mahalo nui iā mākou, ʻaʻole kākoʻo iki iā mākou.

2. Nā kūpuna

Pehea e hiki ai ia lakou ke kumu o ko kakou pilikia? ʻO nā kupuna kāne a pau aʻu i ʻike ai, ʻaʻole like me ko lākou mau mākua, aloha lākou i kā lākou moʻopuna me ke ʻano ʻole. Hāʻawi lākou i ko lākou manawa kūʻokoʻa a pau iā lākou, hoʻomaikaʻi a mālama.

Eia naʻe, na lāua nō i hānai i kou mau mākua. A inā ʻaʻole lākou i kūleʻa i kāu hānai ʻana, a laila hiki ke hoʻohuli ʻia kēia hewa i nā kūpuna. Malia paha, ma ka hoʻoluhi ʻana iā ʻoe, ke hoʻāʻo nei lākou e uku i ko lākou mau hemahema i ka wā i hala?

3. Nā Kumu

Ma ke ʻano he kumu mua, ʻike wau he hopena nui nā mea hoʻonaʻauao i nā haumāna. A maikaʻi ka nui o lākou. Akā aia kekahi mau mea ʻē aʻe. ʻO kā lākou hemahema, manaʻo pili i nā haumāna a me nā loiloi kūpono ʻole e hoʻopau i nā makemake ʻoihana o nā papa.

He mea maʻamau ka ʻōlelo pololei ʻana o nā kumu ʻaʻole e komo kekahi haumāna i ke kulanui i koho ʻia ("ʻaʻohe mea e hoʻāʻo ai") a ʻaʻole loa e lilo, no ka laʻana, i kauka ("ʻaʻole, ʻaʻole lawa kou ahonui a ka nānā 'ana"). ʻO ka mea maʻamau, pili ka manaʻo o ke kumu i ka manaʻo ponoʻī.

4. ʻO kāu kauka

Inā ʻaʻole ʻo ia, ʻaʻole ʻoe i manaʻo e hoʻopiʻi i kou mau mākua no kou mau pilikia a pau. E hoʻomanaʻo i ke ʻano. Ua ʻōlelo ʻoluʻolu ʻoe i kou makuahine. A ua hoʻomaka ka psychoanalyst e nīnau e pili ana i kou pilina i ka wā kamaliʻi a me ka ʻōpio. Hoʻopau ʻoe, me ka ʻōlelo ʻana, ʻaʻohe pili o ka makuahine. A ʻo ka nui o kou hōʻole ʻana i kona hewa, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka psychoanalyst i komo i kēia pilikia. Ma hope o nā mea a pau, ʻo kāna hana.

A i kēia manawa ua hiki mai ʻoe i ka hopena ʻo nā mākua ke hewa no nā mea āpau. No laila ʻaʻole ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana i kāu psychologist? Ke kuhi nei ʻo ia i kona mau pilikia me kona ʻohana iā ʻoe?

5. ʻO kāu mau keiki

Ua hoʻohana nui ʻoe iā lākou, ua hala kahi hana maikaʻi, no ka mea makemake ʻoe e hoʻonui i ka manawa me lākou. I kēia manawa ʻaʻole lākou mahalo iki. Poina iā lākou ke kelepona. ʻO ka hihia maʻamau!

6. Kou hoa

ʻO ke kāne, ka wahine, ka hoaaloha, ka mea i koho ʻia - ma kahi huaʻōlelo, he kanaka i hāʻawi ʻia i nā makahiki maikaʻi loa a ʻaʻole mahalo i kāu mau talena, nā manawa kūpono, a pēlā aku. Ua hala nā makahiki he nui me ia, ma kahi o ka loaʻa ʻana o kou aloha ʻoiaʻiʻo, he kanaka mālama maoli iā ʻoe.

7. ʻO ʻoe iho

I kēia manawa, e heluhelu hou i nā mea i luna a nānā pono iā lākou. E hoʻohuli i ka hoʻohenehene. Ua hauʻoli mākou e hōʻoia i kā mākou mau hemahema, e ʻimi i nā kumu no lākou a hoʻopiʻi i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe no nā pilikia āpau.

Akā ʻo kāu hana wale nō ke kumu. I ka hapanui o nā hihia, hoʻoholo ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i ka mea e hana ai i kou ola, i ke kulanui e komo ai, me ka mea e hoʻolilo ai i kou mau makahiki maikaʻi loa, hana a hānai paha i nā keiki, hoʻohana i ke kōkua o kou mau mākua a i ʻole e hele i kou ala ponoʻī.

Akā ʻo ka mea nui, ʻaʻole i lohi ka hoʻololi ʻana i nā mea āpau. Mai nānā i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, e noʻonoʻo ana i kā lākou makemake a pehea lākou e ʻike ai iā ʻoe. E hana i ka hana! A inā ʻoe e hana hewa, hiki iā ʻoe ke haʻaheo iā ia: ma hope o nā mea a pau, ʻo kāu koho ʻike.

E pili ana i ka mea kākau: ʻO Mark Sherman ʻo Professor Emeritus of Psychology ma ke Kulanui o New York ma New Paltz, a he loea i ka kamaʻilio intergender.