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No ke aha i noho ai kekahi o mākou me ka ʻole o ka hoa? Hoʻopili ka psychoanalyst i nā kumu e hana ai i nā makahiki like ʻole a hoʻohālikelike i nā ʻano o nā kāne a me nā wahine i ke kūlana o kahi loner.
1. 20 a 30 makahiki: mālama ʻole
I kēia mau makahiki, ʻike nā kaikamāhine a me nā keikikāne i ka mehameha ma ke ʻano like. Hoʻopili lākou i ke ola kūʻokoʻa me ka huakaʻi a me ka leʻaleʻa, i hoʻopuni ʻia e ka "radiant halo", i nā ʻōlelo a Ilya, 22 makahiki. Ua ʻae ʻo ia: "Ma nā hopena pule e hālāwai pinepine au me kahi kaikamahine hou, a i kekahi manawa ʻelua." ʻO kēia ka manawa o nā huakaʻi aloha, kahi ola wahine waiwai, hoʻowalewale, a me nā ʻano like ʻole. Hoʻolōʻihi ʻia ka ʻōpio, hoʻopaneʻe ʻia ke kuleana no ka manawa pau ʻole.
ʻO Patrick Lemoine, ka mea noiʻi psychoanalyst:
"ʻO ka wā ʻōpio he manawa o ka hoʻonaʻauao moe kolohe… no nā kāne ʻōpio. Akā i nā makahiki 20-25 i hala iho nei, ua loaʻa i nā kaikamahine i puka i ke kula akā ʻaʻole i komo i ke ola ʻoihana. Ke 'oli'oli nei ka po'e 'ōpio i ke kū'oko'a, akā ua loa'a kēia pono kāne wale nō i nā kāne 'elua. He manawa hauʻoli kēia o ka "loneliness primary", i ka wā ʻaʻole i hoʻomaka ke ola me kahi hoa, ʻoiai ua hoʻolālā nā mea āpau e hoʻomaka i kahi ʻohana a loaʻa nā keiki. ʻOi aku i waena o nā wahine i makemake mau i kahi aliʻi maikaʻi ma ke ʻano he kūpono, ʻoiai ʻoi aku ka nui o nā pilina manuahi me nā kāne ʻōpio.
2. Ma hope koke o 30: wikiwiki
I ka makahiki 32, hoʻololi nā mea a pau. ʻOkoʻa nā kāne a me nā wahine i ka mehameha. No nā wahine, ʻoi aku ka wikiwiki o ka hoʻomaka ʻana i kahi ʻohana a loaʻa nā keiki. Ua hōʻoia kēia e Kira he 40 makahiki: "Ua hauʻoli wau i ke ola, ua ʻike i nā kāne he nui, ua ʻike i kahi aloha i pau ʻino, a ua hana ikaika. Akā i kēia manawa makemake wau e neʻe i kahi mea ʻē aʻe. ʻAʻole makemake wau e hoʻolimalima i nā ahiahi ma ke kamepiula i kahi hale kaʻawale i ka makahiki XNUMX. Makemake au i ʻohana, nā keiki…”
Loaʻa i nā ʻōpio kēia pono, akā ua mākaukau lākou e hoʻopanee i ka hoʻokō ʻana no ka wā e hiki mai ana a ʻike mau i ko lākou mehameha me ka hauʻoli. "ʻAʻole wau i kū'ē i nā keiki, akā ua hiki wawe ke noʻonoʻo e pili ana," wahi a Boris, 28 makahiki.
ʻO Patrick Lemoine, ka mea noiʻi psychoanalyst:
"I kēia manawa ke piʻi nei ka makahiki o nā mākua i loaʻa kā lākou keiki mua. E pili ana i nā haʻawina lōʻihi, hoʻonui i ka maikaʻi a me ka piʻi ʻana o ka awelika o ke ola. Akā ʻaʻole i loaʻa nā loli olaola, a ʻo ka palena kiʻekiʻe o ka hānau keiki ʻana i nā wahine i mau. No laila i nā wahine ma 35, hoʻomaka ka wikiwiki maoli. Ke hopohopo nui nei nā poʻe maʻi e hele mai e ʻike iaʻu ʻaʻole lākou i "pili" i kēia manawa. Mai kēia manaʻo, mau ka like ʻole ma waena o nā kāne a me nā wahine. "
3. 35 a 45 makahiki: kū'ē
Hōʻike ʻia kēia māhele makahiki e ka mea i kapa ʻia ʻo "secondary" loneliness. Noho pū ka poʻe me kekahi, male, hemo, neʻe aku… ʻike ʻia ka ʻokoʻa ma waena o nā kāne: ʻoi aku ka nui o nā wahine i hānai i kahi keiki ma mua o nā makua kāne hoʻokahi. "ʻAʻole loa au i manaʻo e noho mehameha, koe wale nō e hānai i kahi keiki wale nō," wahi a Vera, he makuahine he 39 makahiki o ka hemo ʻana o kāna kaikamahine ʻekolu makahiki. “Inā ʻaʻole paʻakikī loa, ua hana au i ʻohana hou mai ka lā ʻapōpō!” ʻO ka nele o ka pilina ʻoi aku ka nui o nā wahine. Wahi a kahi koho balota o ka pūnaewele Parship, ma hope o ka hemo ʻana, ʻike nā kāne i kahi hoa ma ka awelika ma hope o hoʻokahi makahiki, nā wahine - ma hope o ʻekolu mau makahiki.
A ke loli nei naʻe ke kūlana. Nui nā "ʻaʻole piha" bachelors a me nā kāne i noho pū ʻole, akā hui mau. Ua ʻike ʻo Sociologist ʻo Jean-Claude Kaufman, ma The Single Woman a me Prince Charming, i kēia mau "amorous romps" ma ke ʻano he hōʻailona koʻikoʻi o ko mākou wā e hiki mai ana: "ʻO kēia mau 'non lonely loners' he mau trailblazers ʻaʻole ʻike ia."
ʻO Patrick Lemoine, ka mea noiʻi psychoanalyst:
"ʻIke pinepine ʻia ka nohona bachelor ma waena o 40-50 mau makahiki. ʻAʻole ʻike hou ʻia ka noho pū ʻana ma ke ʻano he mea maʻamau, ma ke ʻano he koi mai waho, inā ua hoʻoholo ʻia ka pilikia me nā keiki. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole ʻoiaʻiʻo kēia no nā mea a pau, akā ke laha nei kēia kumu hoʻohālike. ʻAe mālie mākou i ka hiki ʻana o kekahi mau moʻolelo aloha i kēlā me kēia. ʻO kēia ka hopena o ka narcissism holomua? Hōʻoiaiʻo. Akā, ua kūkuluʻia ko mākou kaiaulu holoʻokoʻa a puni ka narcissism, e pili ana i ka maikaʻi o ka hoʻokōʻana i kahi mana nui,ʻaʻohe "I". A ʻaʻole ʻokoʻa ke ola pilikino.
4. Ma hope o 50 makahiki: koi
No ka poʻe i hiki i ke kolu a me ka ʻehā o nā makahiki, ʻo ka mehameha he mea kaumaha loa ia, ʻoi aku hoʻi i nā wahine ma hope o ke kanalima. ʻOi aku ka nui o lākou i waiho wale ʻia, a lilo ia i mea paʻakikī iā lākou ke ʻimi i hoa. I ka manawa like, hiki i nā kāne o ka makahiki like ke hoʻomaka i kahi ola hou me kahi hoa 10-15 mau makahiki ma mua o lākou. Ma nā pūnaewele pili, hoʻohana nā mea hoʻohana o kēia mau makahiki (nā kāne a me nā wahine) i ka ʻike ponoʻī ma kahi mua. He 62 makahiki ʻo Anna: "ʻAʻohe oʻu manawa e hoʻolilo i kahi mea kūpono ʻole iaʻu!"
ʻO Patrick Lemoine, ka mea noiʻi psychoanalyst:
"He mea maʻamau ka ʻimi ʻana i ka hoa kūpono i kēlā me kēia makahiki, akā i ka manawa hope o ke ola hiki ke lilo i ʻoi aku ka ikaika: me ka ʻike o nā hewa e hiki mai ana ka pololei. No laila ke holo nei ka poʻe i ka pilikia o ka hoʻolōʻihi ʻana i ka mehameha i makemake ʻole ʻia ma o ka koho nui ʻana… ʻO ka mea kahaha iaʻu ʻo ke kumu ma hope o ia mau mea a pau: ke alo nei mākou i ka archetype o ka "poligami consistent".
He mau ola, he mau hoa pili, a pela aku a hiki i ka hopena. ʻO ka noho mau ʻana i kahi pilina aloha i ʻike ʻia he kūlana koʻikoʻi no kahi kūlana kiʻekiʻe o ke ola. ʻO kēia ka manawa mua ma ka moʻolelo o ka lāhui kanaka i hana ʻia kēia. A hiki i kēia manawa, ua noho ka ʻelemakule ma waho o ka pili aloha a me ka moekolohe.