ʻI he The Picture of Dorian Gray, naʻe tohi ʻe Oscar Wilde: “ʻE kamata ʻa e fānaú ʻaki ʻa e ʻofa ki heʻenau mātuʻá. Ke ulu nei, hoʻomaka lākou e hoʻokolokolo iā lākou. I kekahi manawa kala lākou iā lākou. ʻAʻole maʻalahi ka hope no nā mea a pau. He aha inā mākou e hoʻopiha ʻia me nā manaʻo "papa ʻia": huhū, huhū, huhū, hōʻino - e pili ana i ka poʻe kokoke loa? Pehea e hoʻopau ai i kēia mau manaʻo a pono anei? ʻO ka manaʻo o ka mea kākau o ka puke "Mindfulness and emotions" Sandy Clark.
I ka wehewehe ʻana i nā ʻeke a nā mākua i hāʻawi aku i kā lākou mau keiki, ua pena ka mea haku mele Pelekane ʻo Philip Larkin i kahi kiʻi o ka trauma hoʻoilina. I ka manawa like, ua ʻōlelo ka haku mele ʻaʻole hewa nā mākua ponoʻī no kēia: ʻae, ua hana ʻino lākou i kā lākou keiki ma nā ʻano he nui, akā no ka mea ua hoʻopilikia ʻia lākou e ka hānai ʻana.
Ma kekahiʻaoʻao, he nui nā mākua o mākou i "hāʻawi i nā mea a pau." Mahalo iā lākou, ua lilo mākou i mea i lilo ai mākou, a ʻaʻole paha e hiki iā mākou ke uku i kā lākou ʻaiʻē a uku iā lākou ma ke ʻano. Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, nui ka poʻe e ulu aʻe me ka manaʻo ua hoʻohaʻahaʻa ʻia lākou e ko lākou makuahine a / a i ʻole makua kāne (a ʻo ka manaʻo like paha o ko lākou mau mākua).
Ua ʻae ʻia e hiki iā mākou ke ʻike i nā manaʻo i ʻae ʻia e ka lehulehu no ko mākou makuakāne a me ko mākou makuahine. ʻAʻole ʻae ʻia ka huhū a me ka huhū iā lākou, pono e kāohi ʻia kēlā mau manaʻo ma nā ʻano āpau. Mai hoʻohewa aku i ka makuahine a me ka makuakāne, akā e ʻae - inā paha ua hana hewa lākou iā mākou a hana hewa nui i ka hoʻonaʻauao. Akā ʻo ka lōʻihi o kā mākou hōʻole ʻana i ko mākou mau manaʻo ponoʻī, ʻo nā mea ʻoluʻolu loa, ʻoi aku ka ikaika o kēia mau manaʻo a hoʻoulu iā mākou.
Ua manaʻoʻiʻo ʻo Carl Gustav Jung ʻo Psychoanalyst, ʻoiai ʻo ka paʻakikī o kā mākou hoʻāʻo ʻana e kāohi i nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole, e ʻike maoli lākou i kahi ala i waho. Hiki i kēia ke hōʻike iā ia iho i kā mākou ʻano a i ʻole, ma ke ʻano o nā hōʻailona psychosomatic (e like me ka ʻili ʻili).
ʻO ka mea maikaʻi loa e hiki iā mākou ke hana no mākou iho, ʻo ka ʻae ʻana he kuleana ko mākou e ʻike i nā manaʻo. A i ʻole, pilikia wale mākou i ke kūlana. ʻOiaʻiʻo, he mea nui hoʻi ka mea a mākou e hana ai me kēia mau manaʻo āpau. He mea kōkua ke ʻōlelo iā ʻoe iho, "ʻAe, ʻo ia koʻu manaʻo - a eia ke kumu" - a hoʻomaka e hana me kou mau manaʻo ma ke ʻano hoʻoikaika. No ka laʻana, mālama ʻana i kahi diary, kūkākūkā me kahi hoaaloha hilinaʻi, a i ʻole ke kamaʻilio ʻana i ka lāʻau lapaʻau.
ʻAe, ua hewa ko mākou mau mākua, akā ʻaʻohe hānau hou e hele mai me nā ʻōlelo aʻo.
Akā, ke hoʻomau nei mākou i ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana i ko mākou mau manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole i ko mākou mau mākua: no ka laʻana, huhū a hōʻino paha. He maikaʻi nā manawa i ka hū ʻana o kēia mau manaʻo i loko o mākou, e nānā wale mākou i nā manawa āpau i nā hewa a ka makuahine a me ka makuakāne i hana ai, pehea lākou i hoʻohaʻahaʻa ai iā mākou, a me ko mākou hewa ponoʻī no kēia mau manaʻo a me kēia mau manaʻo. Ma kahi huaʻōlelo, e paʻa mākou me nā lima ʻelua i ko mākou pōʻino ponoʻī.
Ma hope o ka hoʻokuʻu ʻana i nā manaʻo, e ʻike koke mākou ʻaʻole lākou e ʻū hou, e paila, akā e "wela" mālie a lilo i mea ʻole. Ma ka ʻae ʻana iā mākou iho e hōʻike i ko mākou manaʻo, hiki iā mākou ke ʻike hope i ke kiʻi holoʻokoʻa. ʻAe, ua hewa ko mākou mau mākua, akā, ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, ua manaʻo paha lākou i ko lākou hemahema a me kā lākou kānalua ponoʻī - inā wale nō no ka mea ʻaʻohe aʻo i pili i kekahi keiki hou.
Pono ka manawa e hoʻoholo ai i ka hakakā hohonu. ʻO kā mākou mau manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole, ʻoluʻolu ʻole, "ʻino" he kumu, a ʻo ka mea nui ke loaʻa. Ua aʻo ʻia mākou e hana mākou i nā poʻe me ka ʻike a me ke aloha - akā me mākou iho. ʻOi loa i kēlā mau manawa paʻakikī.
ʻIke mākou i ke ʻano o kā mākou hana me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, pehea mākou e hana ai i loko o ke kaiāulu. ʻO mākou iho e hoʻokau iā mākou iho i loko o kahi paʻa paʻa o nā kūlana a me nā lula, a ma muli o kēia, i kekahi manawa ʻaʻole mākou maopopo hou i ko mākou manaʻo maoli. ʻIke wale mākou i ka manaʻo "pono" mākou.
ʻO kēia tug-of-war i loko e hoʻopilikia iā mākou iho. No ka hoʻopau ʻana i kēia ʻeha, pono ʻoe e hoʻomaka i ka mālama ʻana iā ʻoe iho me ka lokomaikaʻi like, mālama a me ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana āu e hana ai i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. A inā e kūleʻa mākou, malia paha e ʻike koke mākou ua maʻalahi iki ke kaumaha o ka naʻau a mākou e hali nei i kēia manawa.
Ma hope o ka pau ʻana o ka hakakā ʻana me mākou iho, ʻike hope mākou ʻaʻole maikaʻi ko mākou mau mākua a me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe a mākou e aloha ai, ʻo ia hoʻi, ʻaʻole pono mākou iā mākou iho e hoʻohālikelike i kahi manaʻo.
E pili ana i ka mea kākau: ʻO Sandy Clark ka mea kākau kumu o Mindfulness and Emotion.