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Mai ka loaʻa ʻana o ka bipolarity a i ka makemake i kahi pēpē
“Ua ʻike ʻia au me ka maʻi bipolar i ka makahiki 19. Ma hope o kekahi manawa o ke kaumaha ma muli o ka hāʻule ʻole o kaʻu aʻo ʻana, ʻaʻole wau i hiamoe iki, kamaʻilio wau, ma ke ʻano kiʻekiʻe, hauʻoli nui. He mea ʻē a hele au i ka haukapila. Ua hāʻule ka maʻi o ka cyclothymia a ua hoʻopaʻa ʻia au i ʻelua pule i loko o kahi haukapila psychiatric ma Nantes. A laila, hoʻomaka hou au i ke ala o koʻu ola. ʻO kaʻu ia hoouka manic mua, kākoʻo koʻu ʻohana a pau iaʻu. ʻAʻole au i hāʻule, akā ua maopopo iaʻu no ka mea pono e lawe ka maʻi diabetes i ka insulin no ke ola, pono wau e lawe i kahi mālama ola a pau e hoʻopaʻa i koʻu naʻau no ka mea he bipolar au. ʻAʻole ia he maʻalahi, akā pono ʻoe e ʻae i ka ʻeha ʻana i ka nāwaliwali o ka naʻau a me nā pilikia. Ua hoʻopau wau i kaʻu aʻo ʻana a hui wau me Bernard, koʻu hoa no ʻumikūmālima makahiki. Ua loaʻa iaʻu kahi hana aʻu e hauʻoli nui ai a hiki iaʻu ke loaʻa kahi ola.
Ma keʻano maʻamau, i ka makahiki 30, ua ʻōlelo wau iaʻu iho makemake wau e hānau keiki. No ka ʻohana nui wau a manaʻo mau wau e loaʻa iaʻu nā ʻoi aku ma mua o hoʻokahi. Akā, ʻoiai he maʻi maʻi koʻu, makaʻu wau e hoʻoili i kaʻu maʻi i kaʻu keiki a ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke hoʻoholo i koʻu manaʻo.
"Pono wau e hōʻoia i koʻu makemake i kahi keiki inā ʻo ia ka mea kūlohelohe loa o ka honua"
I ka makahiki 32, ua haʻi au i koʻu hoa no ia mea, ʻaʻole makemake iki ʻo ia, ʻo wau wale nō ka mea nāna e lawe i kēia papahana keiki. Ua hele pū mākou i ka haukapila o Sainte-Anne, ua loaʻa iā mākou kahi manawa i kahi hale hou e pili ana i nā makuahine hāpai a me nā makuahine palupalu psychologically. Ua hālāwai mākou me nā psychiatrist a nīnau lākou iā mākou i nā nīnau he nui e ʻike i ke kumu o ko mākou makemake i kahi keiki. ʻO ka hope, pili iaʻu! Ua hele au i kahi nīnau maoli a ua lawe maikaʻi wau. Pono wau e inoa, e hoʻomaopopo, e kālailai, e hōʻoiaʻiʻo i koʻu makemake i ke keiki, ʻoiai ʻo ia ka mea kūlohelohe loa o ka honua. ʻAʻole pono nā wahine ʻē aʻe e hōʻoiaʻiʻo iā lākou iho, paʻakikī ke haʻi pololei i ke kumu e makemake ai ʻoe e lilo i makuahine. Wahi a nā hopena o nā noiʻi, ua mākaukau wau, akā ʻaʻole maoli koʻu hoa. ʻOiai naʻe, ʻaʻohe oʻu kanalua i kona hiki ke lilo i makua kāne a ʻaʻole au i kuhihewa, he makua kāne maikaʻi ʻo ia!
Ua kamaʻilio nui wau me koʻu kaikuahine, koʻu mau hoaaloha i mau makuahine, ua paʻa loa wau iaʻu iho. Ua lōʻihi loa. ʻO ka mua, pono e hoʻololi ʻia kaʻu lāʻau lapaʻau i ʻole ia e pōʻino i kaʻu keiki i ka wā hāpai. ʻEwalu mahina. I ka manawa i hoʻopaʻa ʻia ai kaʻu hana hou, ʻelua makahiki i hāpai ʻia ai kā mākou kaikamahine me ka insemination. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua hana ia mai ka manawa i haʻi mai ai kaʻu shrink iaʻu, "Akā, ʻo Agathe, e heluhelu i nā haʻawina, ʻaʻohe hōʻike ʻepekema ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻo ka bipolarity he kumu genetic. Aia kekahi genetics liʻiliʻi a ʻoi aku ka nui o nā mea pili i ke kaiapuni. »He ʻumikūmālima lā ma hope mai, ua hāpai au!
ʻO ka lilo ʻana i makuahine i kēlā me kēia pae
I koʻu wā hāpai, ua maikaʻi loa koʻu manaʻo, ua ʻono loa nā mea a pau. Aloha nui koʻu hoa, koʻu ʻohana pū kekahi. Ma mua o ka hānau ʻana o kaʻu kaikamahine, makaʻu loa wau i nā hopena o ka nele o ka hiamoe e pili ana i ka hiki ʻana mai o kahi pēpē a me ke kaumaha postpartum, ʻoiaʻiʻo. ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, ua loaʻa iaʻu kahi pēpē liʻiliʻi i ka hapalua hola ma hope o ka hānau ʻana. He kūpaʻa ia, he ʻauʻau o ka naʻau, ke aloha, he lepelele koʻu i loko o koʻu ʻōpū. ʻAʻole wau he makuahine ʻōpio koʻikoʻi. ʻAʻole au i makemake e hānai. ʻAʻole uē nui ʻo Antonia, he pēpē mālie ʻo ia, akā naʻe ua luhi wau a mālama nui wau i ka mālama ʻana i kaʻu hiamoe, no ka mea, ʻo ia ke kumu o kaʻu kaulike. ʻO nā mahina mua, ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke lohe i kona uē ʻana, me ka mālama ʻana, ua hiamoe nui wau. Ua ala ʻo Bernard i ka pō. Hana ʻo ia i kēlā me kēia pō no nā mahina ʻelima mua, hiki iaʻu ke hiamoe maʻamau e hoʻomaikaʻi iā ia.
ʻO nā lā mua ma hope o ka hānau ʻana, ua ʻike wau i kahi ʻano ʻē i kaʻu kaikamahine. Ua lōʻihi koʻu manawa e hāʻawi iā ia i wahi i koʻu ola, i loko o koʻu poʻo, ʻaʻole hiki ke lilo i makuahine. Ua ʻike au i kahi keiki psychiatrist nāna i ʻōlelo mai iaʻu: “E hāʻawi iā ʻoe iho i ke kuleana e lilo i wahine maʻamau. Ua pāpā au iaʻu iho i kekahi mau manaʻo. Mai ka lohi mua, hoʻi hou wau iaʻu iho "ʻAʻole, ʻaʻole loa!" Ua ʻimi au i nā ʻano liʻiliʻi liʻiliʻi o ke ʻano, koi nui wau iaʻu, ʻoi aku ma mua o nā makuahine ʻē aʻe.
Nā manaʻo i ke alo o ka hoʻāʻo o ke ola
Ua maikaʻi nā mea a pau i ka 5 mahina i loaʻa iā Antonia kahi neuroblastoma, kahi maʻi maʻi ma ka coccyx (ʻoluʻolu ma ka pae ʻole). Naʻu a me kona makuakāne i ʻike ʻaʻole maikaʻi kāna hana. Ua hoʻihoʻi ʻia ʻo ia a ʻaʻole piʻi hou. Hele mākou i ke keʻena pilikia, hana lākou i kahi MRI a loaʻa ka ʻōpū. Ua hana koke ʻia ʻo ia a i kēia lā ua ola loa ʻo ia. Pono e hahai ʻia i kēlā me kēia ʻehā mahina no ka nānā ʻana no kekahi mau makahiki. E like me nā makuahine a pau i ʻike i ka mea like, haʻalulu loa wau i ka hana ʻana a ʻoi aku hoʻi ka kali mau ʻana i ka wā e noho ana kaʻu pēpē i loko o ka lumi hana. ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, ua lohe au "Ua make ʻoe!", A loaʻa iaʻu i kahi kūlana o ka hopohopo weliweli a me ka makaʻu, ua noʻonoʻo wau i ka ʻoi loa o ka ʻino. Ua haki wau, uē au a hiki i ka hopena, kāhea mai kekahi e haʻi iaʻu ua holo maikaʻi ka hana. A laila, hoʻopaʻa wau i ʻelua lā. Ua ʻeha au, ua uē au i nā manawa a pau, ua hoʻi mai iaʻu nā ʻeha a pau o koʻu ola. Ua ʻike wau aia wau i loko o kahi pilikia a haʻi mai ʻo Bernard iaʻu "Ke pāpā aku nei au iā ʻoe e maʻi hou!" I ka manawa like, ʻōlelo wau iaʻu iho: "ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke maʻi, ʻaʻohe oʻu kuleana, pono wau e mālama i kaʻu kaikamahine!" A ua hana! Ua lawe au i nā neuroleptics a ua lawa nā lā ʻelua e hoʻokuʻu iaʻu i waho o ka haunaele manaʻo. Haʻaheo wau i ka wikiwiki a me ka maikaʻi. Ua hoʻopuni ʻia au, kākoʻo ʻia e Bernard, koʻu makuahine, koʻu kaikuahine, ka ʻohana holoʻokoʻa. Ua kōkua kēia mau hōʻike a pau o ke aloha iaʻu.
I ka maʻi o kaʻu kaikamahine, ua wehe au i kahi puka weliweli i loko oʻu e hana nei au e pani i kēia lā me kaʻu psychoanalyst. Ua lawe kaʻu kāne i nā mea a pau ma ke ʻano maikaʻi: ua loaʻa iā mākou nā reflexes maikaʻi, i hiki ai ke ʻike koke i ka maʻi, ka haukapila maikaʻi loa ma ka honua (Necker), ke kauka lapaʻau maikaʻi loa, hoʻōla! a e hoola ia Antonia.
Ma muli o ko mākou hana ʻana i ko mākou ʻohana, aia kekahi hauʻoli maikaʻi loa i koʻu ola. Ma mua o ka hoʻoulu ʻana i kahi psychosis, ua kaulike ka hānau ʻana o Antonia iaʻu, hoʻokahi aʻu kuleana. ʻO ka lilo ʻana i makuahine e hāʻawi i kahi hoʻolālā, kahi kūpaʻa, he ʻāpana mākou o ka pōʻai o ke ola. ʻAʻole wau makaʻu hou i koʻu bipolarity, ʻaʻole wau wale nō, ʻike wau i ka mea e hana ai, ʻo wai e kāhea aku, i ka mea e lawe ai i ka wā o kahi pilikia manic, ua aʻo wau e hoʻokele. Ua haʻi mai nā psychiatrists iaʻu he "hoʻomohala nani o ka maʻi" a ua hala ka "hoʻoweliweli" e kau ana ma luna oʻu.
I kēia lā he 14 mahina ʻo Antonia a ua maikaʻi nā mea a pau. ʻIke wau ʻaʻole wau e hele hihiu hou a ʻike wau pehea e hōʻoia ai i kaʻu keiki ”.