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ʻO wai ʻoe? He aha ʻoe? Pehea ʻoe e ʻike ai iā ʻoe iho inā ʻoe e kāpae i ka papa inoa o nā kuleana mai ka wehewehe ʻana: makua, keiki kāne a kaikamahine paha, kāne a wahine paha, loea i kahi kahua? He paʻakikī ka poʻe e pane i kēia nīnau. No ke aha kēia hana a hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike iā ʻoe iho?
I ko mākou ulu ʻana, huli mākou mai nā keiki a ʻōpio, lawe mākou i ka ʻike mai ka honua a puni mākou a aʻo mai nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Inā hoʻolohe mai nā poʻe ʻē aʻe iā mākou, maopopo iā mākou he mea nui ko mākou pono a he waiwai mākou iā mākou iho. ʻO kēia ke ʻano e aʻo ai mākou he poʻe me ko mākou mau manaʻo a me nā ʻano hana. Inā laki mākou i ke kaiapuni, ulu mākou i poʻe mākua me ke ʻano olakino olakino. Aʻo mākou he mea nui ko mākou mau manaʻo a me nā manaʻo, ʻike mākou ʻo wai mākou.
Akā ʻo ka poʻe o mākou i ulu aʻe i loko o nā kaiapuni maikaʻi ʻole e pili ana i ka hoʻomāinoino kino a i ʻole ka naʻau, ka mālama ʻole, a i ʻole ka overprotection i hoʻomohala ʻokoʻa. Inā mālama ʻole ʻia ko mākou mau manaʻo a me ko mākou mau manaʻo a ʻike ʻole ʻia kā mākou mau mea kikoʻī, inā ua koi mau ʻia mākou e hoʻolohe, ma ke ʻano he poʻe mākua, manaʻo paha mākou ʻo wai mākou.
Ke ulu nei, hilinaʻi nui kēlā poʻe i nā manaʻo, nā manaʻo a me nā manaʻo o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Kākoʻo lākou i ke ʻano o nā hoaaloha, kūʻai i nā kaʻa i manaʻo ʻia i kekahi manawa a i ʻole kekahi manawa, hana i nā mea a lākou i makemake ʻole ai.
ʻIke mākou i kā mākou makemake, hiki iā mākou ke neʻe i ke ala i koho ʻia
Ke hana pinepine nei i kēia, ke kaumaha nei ke kanaka, kanalua i ka pololei o ka koho kūpono, hopohopo e pili ana i kona ola. Manaʻo kēlā poʻe i ke kōkua ʻole, a i kekahi manawa ʻaʻohe manaʻolana. I ka wā lōʻihi, ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī o ko lākou manaʻo ponoʻī, nalowale lākou i ka pili ʻana iā lākou iho.
Ke hoʻomaopopo pono mākou i ko mākou ʻano, ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka hoʻoholo ʻana a me ke ola maʻamau. Hoʻokipa mākou i nā hoaaloha olakino a me nā hoa hana a kūkulu i nā pilina olakino me lākou. ʻO ke aʻo ʻana a me ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana iā ʻoe iho e kōkua iā ʻoe e hōʻoluʻolu a hauʻoli. ʻIke mākou i kā mākou makemake, hiki iā mākou ke neʻe i ke ala i koho ʻia.
Ua kamaʻilio ʻo Psychotherapist Denise Olesky e pili ana i ke ʻano o ka ʻike.
1. E ʻike iā ʻoe iho
E hoʻomaka me ka papa inoa "About me". E hana i kahi papa inoa liʻiliʻi o nā mea āu e makemake ai. No ka hoʻomaka, ʻelima a ʻehiku mau helu i lawa: ke kala punahele, ka ʻono o ka ice cream, ka kiʻiʻoniʻoni, ke kīʻaha, ka pua. E hana i kahi papa inoa hou i hoʻokahi a ʻelua paha i ka pule, me ʻelima a ʻehiku mau mea i kēlā me kēia manawa.
E hana i ka papa inoa o nā mea ʻala āu e makemake ai, e like me nā kuki i hana ʻia ma ka home a i ʻole ka mauʻu ʻoki hou. Papa inoa o nā puke punahele a i ʻole nā puke āu e makemake ai e heluhelu. He papa inoa o nā pāʻani wikiō a i ʻole nā pāʻani papa āu i hauʻoli ai i kou wā kamaliʻi. E papa inoa i nā ʻāina āu e makemake ai e kipa.
E papa inoa i kāu mau manaʻo politika, nā leʻaleʻa, nā ala ʻoihana hiki, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe e pique i kou hoihoi. Inā pilikia ʻoe, e nīnau i nā hoaaloha a me nā ʻohana no nā manaʻo. Ma hope o ka manawa, e ʻike ʻoe iā ʻoe iho a hoʻomaka e ʻike mālie i kou ʻano pilikino.
2. E hoʻolohe i kou mau manaʻo a me nā manaʻo o ke kino
Inā hoʻomaka ʻoe e hoʻolohe iā lākou, e kōkua nā manaʻo a me nā "cues" kino iā ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo i kāu mea makemake a me kāu makemake ʻole.
Hiki i nā manaʻo a me nā manaʻo ke haʻi nui e pili ana i ko mākou mau manaʻo a me nā makemake. Pehea kou manaʻo ke kaha kiʻi, pāʻani haʻuki, kamaʻilio me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe? Hauʻoli a hauʻoli paha ʻoe? Ua ʻoluʻolu paha ʻoe? He aha ka mea e ʻakaʻaka ai ʻoe a he aha ka mea e uē ai ʻoe?
3. E hoʻomaka e hoʻoholo
ʻO ka hoʻoholo ʻana he mākaukau e ulu ana i ka wā. Pono ia e paʻi ʻia e like me ka ʻiʻo i ulu a mau ke ʻano.
Ke kauoha ʻana i nā meaʻai no ka ʻohana holoʻokoʻa, mai poina e kūʻai i kahi mea āu i aloha ai. E kauoha i kāu t-shirt punahele mai ka hale kūʻai pūnaewele, ʻoiai inā ʻaʻole ʻoe maopopo e ʻae nā mea ʻē aʻe i kāu koho. Ke nīnau mai kekahi hoaaloha a hoa pili i ka manawa āu e makemake ai e hoʻomaka e nānā i ka hōʻike, e hāʻawi i kou manaʻo ma mua o ka waiho ʻana i ka koho iā lākou.
4. E lawe i ka hana
Ke noʻonoʻo ʻoe i kāu mea hoihoi, e hoʻomaka e hoʻonohonoho i nā hana kūpono ma ka liʻiliʻi hoʻokahi a ʻelua paha i ka pule. E hoʻonohonoho iā ʻoe iho i kahi lā ma ka hoʻolālā ʻana i kahi lā maikaʻi. E noʻonoʻo, e nānā i kahi kiʻiʻoniʻoni hou, e ʻauʻau hoʻomaha.
ʻO ka mea nui ka hana. ʻO ka hope e hoʻomaka e hana i kāu mea e makemake ai, i kēlā me kēia ʻanuʻu kokoke i kou ʻano maoli.
No ka mea kākau: ʻO Denise Oleski kahi psychotherapist.