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Ke lilo ke kaikamahine i makuahine, kōkua ia iā ia e nānā i kona makuahine ponoʻī me nā maka like ʻole, e hoʻomaopopo maikaʻi iā ia a e loiloi hou i kāna pilina me ia ma kekahi ʻano. Maʻaneʻi wale nōʻaʻole i nā manawa a pau aʻaʻole no nā mea a pau. He aha ka mea e keakea ana i ka hoomaopopo like ana?
"I ka hānau ʻana o kaʻu keiki mua, kala wau i koʻu makuahine i nā mea āpau," i ʻōlelo ai ʻo Zhanna, 32 makahiki, ʻo ia ka mea i ka makahiki 18 i holo holo mai kona ʻāina hānau i Moscow mai kona mana nui a me kāna diktat. He mea maʻamau ia ʻike. ʻOiai ke kū nei ka mea ʻē aʻe: ʻo ke ʻano o ke keiki e hōʻeha i ka pilina, hoʻonui i ka huhū a me nā koi o ke kaikamahine i ka makuahine, a lilo i mea hina hou i kā lākou hakakā pau ʻole. He aha ka pili?
"ʻO ka hoʻololiʻana o kahi kaikamahine makua i makuahine e ho'āla iā ia i ka hoʻomanaʻo a pau o ka wā kamaliʻi, nā manaʻo a pau e pili ana i nā makahiki mua o ke ola a me kona uluʻana, nā hana a me nā hopena o ka makuahine," wahi a Terry Apter psychologist. - A ʻo kēlā mau wahi hakakā, kēlā mau hopohopo a me nā mea ʻino i kū mai i ko lākou pilina, ua hōʻike ʻia i ka pilina me ke keiki. Me ka ʻike ʻole i kēia mau pilikia, hiki iā mākou ke hana hou i ke ʻano o ka ʻano makuahine a mākou e makemake ai e pale aku me kā mākou mau keiki.
ʻO nā manaʻo hoʻomanaʻo o nā mākua, hiki iā mākou ke hoʻomalu i kahi kūlana mālie, hiki ke maʻalahi i ke kūlana koʻikoʻi. A i ka makuahine he nui nā ʻano like. No ka laʻana, hiki i kahi keiki ke hōʻole i ka ʻai ʻana i ka sopa ke hoʻoulu i ka huhū i ka makuahine, no ka mea, ua hālāwai ʻo ia me kahi ʻano like i ka wā kamaliʻi mai kona makuahine.
I kekahi manawa, lilo ke kaikamahine makua i makuahine, akā e hana mau ana e like me ke keiki koi.
"I ka hanauna o ka makuahine, ʻaʻole maʻamau ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana, ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana, a he paʻakikī ke kali i nā ʻōlelo ʻae mai iā ia," wahi a Karina, 40 makahiki. “Ke manaʻo nei ʻo ia he haʻaheo wau. A ua hala mau au i kēlā. No laila, makemake au e hoʻomaikaʻi i kaʻu kaikamahine no nā mea i hoʻokō ʻia.
Manaʻo pinepine nā wahine ʻaʻole i hoʻolohe maoli ko lākou mau makuahine iā lākou. "I koʻu hoʻomaka ʻana e wehewehe i kekahi mea, hoʻopau ʻo ia iaʻu a hōʻike i kona manaʻo," wahi a Zhanna. "A i kēia manawa ke hoʻōho kekahi o nā keiki: "ʻAʻole ʻoe e hoʻolohe mai iaʻu!", Ua hewa koke wau a hoʻāʻo maoli e hoʻolohe a hoʻomaopopo."
E hoʻokumu i kahi pilina makua
"No ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i kou makuahine, ʻo ka noʻonoʻo hou ʻana i kāna ʻano hana he mea paʻakikī loa ia no ke kaikamahine makua i loaʻa i kahi ʻano pili ʻole i kona mau makahiki ʻōpio - ua ʻino a anuanu paha kona makuahine iā ia, haʻalele iā ia no ka manawa lōʻihi a kipaku paha iā ia. , "wehewehe psychotherapist Tatyana Potemkina. A i ʻole, ma ke ʻano ʻē aʻe, ua pale nui kona makuahine iā ia, ʻaʻole i ʻae i kāna kaikamahine e hōʻike i ke kūʻokoʻa, hoʻohewa pinepine a hoʻohaʻahaʻa i kāna mau hana. I kēia mau hihia, mau ko lākou pilina pili i ke kiʻekiʻe o ka pilina makua-keiki no nā makahiki he nui.
Ua lilo ke kaikamahine makua i makuahine, akā e hana mau ana e like me ke keiki koi a hiki ʻole ke lawe i ke kuleana no kona ola. Hana ʻo ia i nā ʻōlelo maʻamau no ka ʻōpio. Manaʻo ʻo ia he pono ka makuahine e kōkua iā ia e mālama i ke keiki. A i ʻole e hoʻomau ka hilinaʻi iā ia - ma kona manaʻo, nānā, hoʻoholo.
ʻO ka hānau ʻana o kahi keiki e koi i ke kaʻina hana o ka hoʻopau ʻana i ka kaʻawale ʻana a ʻaʻole paha e hilinaʻi nui i ka manaʻo o ka wahine ʻōpio e pili ana i kona makuahine. Ināʻaeʻo ia, mālama iā ia me ka hauʻoli, ināʻikeʻo ia i ke kākoʻo o kāna hoa, a laila e maʻalahi iā ia ke hoʻomaopopo i kona makuahine a hoʻokumu i kahi pilina kanaka makua me ia.
E ʻike i nā manaʻo paʻakikī
Hiki ke ʻike ʻia ka makuahine he hana paʻakikī, a maʻalahi paha. Akā ʻo nā mea a pau, ke kū nei nā wahine a pau i nā manaʻo kūʻē loa i kā lākou mau keiki - me ke aloha a me ka huhū, ka makemake e pale a hōʻeha, ka makemake e kaumaha iā lākou iho a hōʻike i ka manaʻo pilikino ...
"Ke hālāwai ke kaikamahine makua i kēia ʻano o nā manaʻo, loaʻa iā ia kahi ʻike e hoʻohui iā ia me kona makuahine ponoʻī, a loaʻa ka manawa e hoʻomaopopo maikaʻi iā ia," wahi a Terry Apter. A kala aku iā ia no kekahi mau hewa. Ma hope o nā mea a pau, manaʻolana ʻo ia e kala mai kāna mau keiki ponoʻī iā ia i kekahi lā. A ʻo nā mākau a ka wahine i hānai i kahi keiki haku - ka hiki ke kūkākūkā, kaʻana like i kona mau manaʻo a me kāna mau makemake o kāna keikikāne (kaikamahine), hoʻokumu i ka pilina - hiki iā ia ke hoʻopili i nā pilina me kona makuahine ponoʻī. He lōʻihi paha ka manawa ma mua o ka ʻike ʻana o ka wahine i kekahi mau ʻano e hana hou ai kona makuahine. A ʻaʻole ʻo ia ka mea ʻino loa e hiki mai ana i kona ʻano."
He aha e hana?
Nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo a ka psychotherapist Tatyana Potemkina
“E kamaʻilio me kou makuahine e pili ana i kona ʻano makuahine. E nīnau: "Pehea ia iā ʻoe? Pehea ʻoe i hoʻoholo ai e hānau keiki? Pehea ʻoe me kou makuakāne i hoʻoholo ai i ka nui o kāu mau keiki? Pehea kou manaʻo i kou ʻike ʻana ua hāpai ʻoe? He aha nā pilikia āu i lanakila ai i ka makahiki mua o koʻu ola? E nīnau e pili ana i kona wā kamaliʻi, pehea i hānai ai kona makuahine iā ia.
ʻAʻole kēia manaʻo e kaʻana like ka makuahine i nā mea āpau. Akā, e hoʻomaopopo maikaʻi ke kaikamahine i ke kiʻi o ka makuahine e noho nei i loko o ka ʻohana, a me nā pilikia a nā wahine o kona ʻohana e kū mau nei. ʻO ke kamaʻilio ʻana kekahi i kekahi, pili loa i ka lanakila ʻana i nā pilikia.
Kūkākūkā kōkua. ʻAʻole ʻo ʻoe kou makuahine, a aia kona ola ponoʻī. Hiki iā ʻoe ke kūkākūkā e pili ana i kāna kākoʻo, akā ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke manaʻo i kona komo ʻana me ka ʻole. No laila, he mea nui e hui pū me ka ʻohana holoʻokoʻa a kūkākūkā i nā mea e hiki mai ana ma mua o ka hānau ʻana o ke keiki: ʻo wai ka mea nāna e mālama a noho pū me ia i ka pō, he aha nā mea waiwai o ka ʻohana, pehea e hoʻonohonoho ai i ka manawa kaʻawale no ka makuahine opio. No laila e pale aku ʻoe i nā manaʻolana hoʻopunipuni a me nā hōʻeha hohonu. A manaʻo ʻoe he hui kou ʻohana.