Ma ka hana, ma ka pilina, ma ka hui o nā hoaaloha, ke koi nei kēlā poʻe i ke alakaʻi a hana i nā mea a pau e holomua. ʻO ka manawa pinepine e uku ʻia kā lākou hoʻoikaika ʻana, ʻaʻole naʻe i manaʻo ʻia ʻaʻole lawa ka lanakila iā lākou. No ke aha kēia manaʻo nui i nā hopena?
"ʻO ka hui o kēia mau lā e pili ana i ka hana," wehewehe ʻo Alain Ehrenbert, ka mea kākau moʻolelo o The Labor of Being Yourself. ʻO ka lilo ʻana i hōkū, ka loaʻa ʻana o ka kaulana ʻaʻole ia he moeʻuhane, akā he kuleana. ʻO ka makemake e lanakila e lilo i manaʻo ikaika, e koi iā mākou e hoʻomaikaʻi mau. Eia naʻe, hiki ke alakaʻi i ke kaumaha. Inā, ʻoiai kā mākou hoʻoikaika nui ʻana, ʻaʻole naʻe mākou e kūleʻa, hilahila mākou, a hāʻule ko mākou manaʻo ponoʻī.
E noho i keiki kūʻokoʻa
No kekahi poʻe, ʻo ka haki ʻana i luna a loaʻa kahi paʻa he mea ia o ke ola a me ka make. ʻO ka poʻe e hele ana ma luna o ko lākou poʻo a kānalua ʻole e hoʻohana i nā ala lepo loa e hoʻokō ai i kā lākou mau pahuhopu, makemake pinepine lākou i ka mahalo mai nā poʻe ʻē aʻe a ʻaʻole hiki iā lākou ke ʻike i nā pilikia o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Hōʻike kēia mau mea ʻelua i ke ʻano narcissistic.
ʻIke ʻia kēia ʻano i ka wā kamaliʻi. Pono kēlā keiki i ke aloha o kona mau mākua. ʻO ka hilinaʻi i kēia aloha ke kumu o ka mahalo o ke keiki iā ia iho, kahi i kūkulu ʻia ai kona hilinaʻi iā ia iho.
"ʻO ke aloha makua he hoʻoilina a mākou e lawe pū me mākou i ko mākou ola a pau," wahi a Antonella Montano, psychotherapist a me ka luna o ka Institute. AT Beck ma Roma. — Pono ke kumu ole. I ka manawa like, hiki i ka nui o ke aloha ke loaʻa i nā hopena pōʻino: e manaʻoʻiʻo ke keiki e hoʻomana nā mea a pau, me ka ʻole. E noʻonoʻo ʻo ia iā ia iho ʻo ia ka mea naʻauao loa, nani a ikaika, no ka mea, ʻo ia ka ʻōlelo a kona mau mākua. Ke ulu nei, manaʻo kēlā poʻe iā lākou iho he hemolele a hoʻopaʻa paʻa i kēia hoʻopunipuni: ʻo ka lilo ʻana no lākou ʻo ia ka nalowale o nā mea āpau.
E lilo i mea aloha loa
No kekahi mau keiki, ʻaʻole lawa ke aloha wale ʻia, pono ke aloha nui ʻia. He paʻakikī kēia pono e hoʻokō inā he mau keiki ʻē aʻe i loko o ka ʻohana. Wahi a ka psychiatrist Farani ʻo Marcel Rufo, ka mea kākau o ka puke Sisters and Brothers. ʻO ka maʻi aloha", ʻaʻole mālama kēia lili i kekahi. Me he mea lā i ke keiki hānau mua, pau ke aloha o nā mākua i ke kaikaina. Manaʻo ka ʻōpio me he mea lā e hopu mau ana ʻo ia me nā mea ʻē aʻe. ʻAʻole ʻike nā keiki waena i ka mea e hana ai: ʻike lākou iā lākou iho ma waena o ka hānau mua, e kauoha ana iā lākou "ma ke kuleana o ke kūlana kiʻekiʻe", a me ka pēpē, ka mea a nā mea a pau e mālama ai a aloha.
ʻAʻole hiki ke lanakila hou i kahi i loko o ka puʻuwai o nā mākua, hakakā ke kanaka no ia ma waho, i loko o ke kaiāulu.
ʻO ka nīnau inā paha e hiki i nā mākua ke "hāʻawi" i ke aloha ma ke ʻano e ʻike ai kēlā me kēia keiki i ka nani o ko lākou kūlana a me ko lākou wahi i loko o ka ʻohana. ʻAʻole hiki kēia i nā manawa a pau, ʻo ia ka manaʻo o ke keiki ua lawe ʻia kona wahi.
ʻAʻole hiki iā ia ke lanakila hou i loko o ka puʻuwai o kona mau mākua, hakakā ʻo ia no ia ma waho, i ka hui. "Auwe, ʻike pinepine ʻia ma ke ala i kēia kiʻekiʻe ua nalowale ke kanaka i kāna mau pono ponoʻī, nā pilina me nā mea aloha, haʻalele i kona olakino ponoʻī," hoʻopiʻi ʻo Montano. Pehea ʻoe e ʻeha ʻole ai i kēia?
He aha e hana
1. Hoʻoponopono i nā pahuhopu.
I ke kaua no kahi i ka lā, maʻalahi ka nalowale i nā mea nui. He aha ka waiwai a koʻikoʻi iā ʻoe? He aha kāu e hoʻokele ai? He aha kāu e loaʻa ai ma ka hana ʻana i kēia a ʻaʻole ma kahi ʻē aʻe?
E kōkua kēia mau nīnau e huki i ka laina ma waena o nā pahuhopu i kuhikuhi ʻia e ka ʻāpana narcissistic o ko mākou ʻano a me nā manaʻo olakino.
2. Hana akamai.
Ke hana nei ma lalo o ka mana o nā manaʻo a me nā manaʻo, e hehi i kou puni no ka manawa pōkole, me ka waiho ʻole ʻana i ka pōhaku. No laila ʻaʻole e pau ka ʻono o ka lanakila i ke ola make, pono e hoʻolohe pinepine i ka leo o ka noʻonoʻo.
3. Mahalo i ka lanakila.
Hiki mākou i luna, ʻaʻole naʻe mākou e ʻoluʻolu, no ka mea, aia kahi pahuhopu hou i mua o mākou. Pehea e wāwahi ai i kēia pōʻai ʻino? ʻO ka mea mua - ka ʻike ʻana i ka hoʻoikaika ʻana. No ka laʻana, ma ke aʻo ʻana i ka diary a me ka papa inoa o nā hana a mākou i hoʻopau ai no ka loaʻa ʻana o kā mākou makemake. He mea nui hoʻi e hāʻawi iā ʻoe iho i makana - pono mākou.
4. E ae aku i ka pio.
E ho'āʻo e hoʻoikaika i ka manaʻo. E nīnau iā ʻoe iho: "Hiki iā ʻoe ke hana maikaʻi?" Inā ʻae ka pane, e noʻonoʻo i kahi hoʻolālā no kahi hoʻāʻo hou. Inā maikaʻi ʻole, e haʻalele i kēia hemahema a hoʻonoho iā ʻoe iho i pahuhopu hiki ke hoʻokō.
Nā kōkua no nā mea ʻē aʻe
ʻO ka manawa pinepine ka mea e makemake ana e lilo i "helu ʻekahi" i manaʻo iā ia iho he hemahema, "ka mua mai ka hopena." ʻO ka mea maikaʻi loa āu e hana ai iā ia, ʻo ia ka hōʻoiaʻiʻo iā ia he waiwai ʻo ia iā mākou iā ia iho, me ka nānā ʻole i ka kūleʻa a me nā hoʻokō, a ʻo kahi āna e noho ai i loko o ko mākou puʻuwai ʻaʻole e hele ma kahi āpau.
He mea nui hoʻi e hoʻohuli iā ia mai ka hoʻokūkū mau loa a wehe hou iā ia i ka hauʻoli o nā mea maʻalahi.