Contents
Nā kāne i hala: He ʻoiaʻiʻo ka noho pū ʻana e luku i ke aloha i ka wahine?
hoohanau
ʻAʻole pū, ʻaʻole scrambled, akā i ke aloha. ʻO ka «Noho kaʻawale ʻana» (LAT) formula he mea ulu i ka lua, ʻekolu a ʻehā paha o nā kāne
ʻO ka noho pū ʻana (i ka lōkahi sentimental) akā ʻaʻole i huikau ʻia (i ka noho pū ʻana o ka wahine) me he mea lā e ulu ana i ke kahua o nā pilina ʻelua. ʻO ia ka mea i ʻike ʻia ma LAT mau kāne (acronym no «E noho kaʻawale», ʻo ia hoʻi ka pololei, ka noho kaʻawale ʻana akā like pū kekahi) a he hanana ia i hoʻopaʻa ʻia ma o ka ʻike o kāna mau maʻi e ka psychologist ʻo Laura S. Moreno, he loea i ka pilina pili ma ka Wahi Psychological Wahine. ʻO kēia mau ʻano o nā kāne a ʻoiai lākou e mālama i ka pilina paʻa a me kahi kūpaʻa, ua hoʻoholo ʻia e ka ʻaelike like e noho ʻole i ka helu like.
Hoʻonāukiuki ke kumumanaʻo i ka hoihoi a i kekahi mau hihia a lili hoʻi, akā kekahi kānalua no ka pili kaiapili i ka paʻa a i ʻole ka kūleʻa o kēia ʻano kāne. Hoʻopau mākou i kekahi mau kaʻao wahaheʻe e pili ana i ka mea i kapa ʻia ʻo "LAT couple" me ka psychologist ʻo Laura S. Moreno:
Pono ka noho like ʻana e holomua i ka wahine?
ʻĀ, nui e haʻi pololei iā ʻoe ʻo ka mea i hoʻopiʻi ʻia ai ka wahine a ka noho pū ʻana. He ʻoiaʻiʻo ka manaʻo o kekahi poʻe ʻo ka noho ʻana ma kahi pālua e hōʻike ana i ke kaʻana like ʻana i ka hale like a no lākou ka noho pū ʻana he mea nui. Eia nō naʻe, ʻo kēia koho hoa hoa LAT ("Noho ʻokoʻa"), kahi ʻokoʻa i ka noho pū ʻana, e hōʻoiaʻiʻo i ka poʻe e makemake e mālama i kekahi ʻano o ka wahine ma ka ʻōlelo paulele y kaʻawale, no ka laʻana, akā me ka ʻole o ka pono e noho pū. ʻO ka mea a kēia haʻilula i pale ai ka ʻaʻahu a me ka waimaka o ka noho pū ʻana.
He koho kūpono ia, ʻae, akā ʻaʻole no nā mea āpau. Makemake kekahi poʻe e ukali i kahi laina hoa maʻamau, ʻo ia kekahi ʻae hou ʻia me ke kaiāulu. Eia naʻe, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka haʻalele ʻana i kēlā laina maʻamau a me ka pilikia kaiaulu. A ʻo kēia ka ukali ʻole ʻana i ka laina a kēlā me kēia e ukali nei he mea hiki ke hiki i nā wahi he nui, ʻelua ma ka wahine, e like me ka hana, ke ʻano o ka noho ʻana a i ʻole ka ʻohana.
He aha ke ʻano o ka «LAT» a i ʻole «Noho kaʻawale» nā kāne?
ʻOiai hiki ke noʻonoʻo ʻia i kēlā me kēia makahiki, malia paha ʻaʻole ala kēia ala o ka noʻonoʻo a ʻaʻole pinepine paha inā makemake ka wahine i nā keiki i loko o ka maʻamau a i ʻole inā makemake lāua e hoʻāʻo i ka noho pū ʻana no ka mea ʻaʻole lāua i ola i kēlā ʻike ... i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ka hui makahiki i ka mea i hiki ke kūpono a ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kēia ʻano ʻelua mai nā makahiki 45. ʻO ka hapa nui o ka poʻe o kēia au i ʻike i ka noho pū ʻana o kekahi (a i ʻole hiki ke kiʻi ʻia ma muli o kekahi hanana) a i kekahi mau hihia ua hala lākou i ka ʻike o ka hānau keiki… Eia nō naʻe, manaʻo maikaʻi lākou, ʻiʻini, a ʻae lākou e hāʻawi i ke aloha i ka lua, ke kolu, ka hā, ka ʻelima (a ʻoi aku paha) ka manawa. ʻAʻohe makahiki o ke aloha. ʻO ka mea a lākou e makemake ʻole ai e ola hou ka ʻike o ka noho pū ʻana.
No ke aha mai?
ʻĀ, no nā kumu he nui. Manaʻo kekahi he "ko lākou home" ko "ko lākou home" a ʻaʻole makemake lākou e noho me kekahi. ʻO nā keiki ʻē aʻe he ʻaneʻane ʻōpio a makemake ʻole hoʻopilikia i ka ʻohana me ka noho pū ʻana a ʻo nā mea ʻē aʻe no ka mea ʻoluʻolu ʻole ia no lākou a ʻaʻole makemake lākou e haʻalele i ko lākou home e hele e noho me kahi kanaka ʻē aʻe a i ʻole makemake lākou e noho ka mea ʻē aʻe i ko lākou home. Akā he mau laʻana wale nō kēia, he nui paha nā kumu ʻē aʻe, kahi kikoʻī loa.
Akā, ʻo ka mea e like like ai lākou āpau, mai kēia mau makahiki he akeakamai a i ʻole ke ʻano o ka noho ʻana i ke ola ma ke ʻano he kāne ma kekahi ʻano ʻē aʻe, ka mea pono ʻole e hele ma waena o ka noho pū ʻana, a i ʻole ma o kaʻana like kumukūʻai. Makemake lākou e mālama i kā lākou kālā, kā lākou mea, ko lākou hoʻoilina… akā makemake lākou e kaʻana like i nā manawa a me nā ʻike me kā lākou hoa (e huakaʻi pū, e leʻaleʻa ana i ka wā leʻaleʻa, e kamaʻilio ana, e aloha ana kekahi i kekahi ...). Manaʻo lākou i kēlā kanaka kou hoapili, akā makemake lākou ʻaʻole e noho i ka hale like i kēlā me kēia lā. ʻO ke kī i ke kūleʻa no kēia mau ʻano o nā kāne he maopopo leʻa ʻaʻole makemake lāua e noho pū.
Ma mua o kona kuhikuhi ʻana i ka ʻae kaiāulu a me ka kaomi kaiāulu e lilo i mau kuʻuna. ʻAʻole ia i manaʻo ʻia he pilina koʻikoʻi i ka pilikanaka?
Aia kekahi mea i kapa ʻia hae a aia ma ke kua o kēia mau mea āpau. Loaʻa i ka poʻe i makemake e hele i kēlā me kēia mea e hele i ke ala kūpono. Hoʻomaopopo wau i nā makahiki i hala aku nei ua hele au i ka male a kaʻu mau hoaaloha a ma laila lākou e haʻi mau ai iaʻu pehea ka maikaʻi o ka male ʻana a me nā keiki. Eia nō naʻe, ke kamaʻilio pū ʻoe me kēlā poʻe me ka puʻuwai puʻuwai, e hōʻoia lākou i ka male ʻana he mea hōʻeha weliweli ia a ʻaʻole nani nā keiki ke pena lākou no ka mea i ka wā ʻōpio i lilo i poʻe ʻaʻohe mea e pili ana iā lākou. . . Akā me kēia, he mea keu paha ia, ʻo ka mea aʻu e manaʻo maoli ai i kekahi manawa makemake ʻia ʻoe e ola i kēlā ʻike i ola ai lākou, me nā mea maikaʻi a me nā mea maikaʻi ʻole, a ʻaʻole ʻokoʻa ʻoe.
Ua hoʻopaʻi ʻia ka ʻokoʻa?
He kākoʻo ikaika wau no ka poʻe ʻokoʻa i ka poʻe ʻē aʻe. Manaʻo wau pono ʻoe e hōʻoia iā ʻoe iho a ʻaʻohe mea nāna e kuhikuhi i kou ola. Inā hoʻoholo ʻoe me kāu pakanā ʻo kēia ke ʻano o ka pilina e hana nei no lākou, hiki i ka manawa ke hāmama, me ka noho ʻole ʻana a me ka noho ʻole ʻana, me kekahi mea like a ʻokoʻa kāne paha, ʻo ka mea nui wale nō ka ʻae o ka ʻelua. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e ola i ka lā holoʻokoʻa ke kali nei i ka ʻae ʻia o haʻi.
Ma waho o ka ʻae ʻana i nā mea ʻelua, he aha nā koi e pono ai no kahi LAT mau kāne e hana?
Loaʻa i ka noʻonoʻo like hiki ke maʻalahi i nā mea, akā ʻo ka fullfilment o nā koi palekana a me ka hilinaʻi iā ia iho a i kekahi. No ke aha mai? ʻĀ, no ka mea inā he ʻano hoʻokele a i ʻole inā lili a lili paha kekahi o lākou, a inā paha ua ʻike mua ʻoe i ka kumakaia a me ka hoʻopunipuni, paʻakikī i kēlā kanaka e noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ke ʻano o kēia mau ʻano.
Hiki iā ia ke kōkua e hōʻoia i ka loaʻa o kēlā me kēia o lākou kumumanaʻo ʻoihana i kahi a lākou e neʻe maikaʻi ai, makemake lākou iā ia a ʻae iā lākou e manaʻo e hoʻokō. He ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻaʻole ia he mea nui, akā ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi ma mua o ka hanana ʻana o kekahi o lākou e noho i ka lā holoʻokoʻa i ka home, me ka ʻole o ka hana. A ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o ka loaʻa ʻana o pōʻai kaiapili o nā hoaaloha a me ka ʻohana mahalo lākou i kēlā ʻano nohona ma ke ʻano he kāne a ʻaʻole lākou censor a nīnau paha iā ia.
I ka pōkole, ʻo ka lilo ʻana i LAT a kahi mea e pili ai me ke kanaka a me ko lākou manawa nui, no ka mea ʻaʻole ia he mea neʻe a paʻa pono. Me kahi kanaka hiki iā ʻoe ke hana maikaʻi ma ke ʻano he LAT a laila hiki iā ʻoe ke aloha aloha me kekahi kanaka āu e makemake ai e noho.
Mai ka ʻike me nā hōʻike o kāu poʻe maʻi, he aha ka mea maikaʻi e pili ana i ka noho LAT?
Mālama lākou i ka ʻaʻahu coexistence. A he mea kēia e kikoʻī ai i ka hohonu, me nā hiʻohiʻona kikoʻī loa a paʻa, e ka hapa nui o ka poʻe i noho pū a koho i kēia ʻano.
ʻO ke kuhi ʻoiai ʻoiai hiki i kekahi poʻe ke kūlike loa i ka pae o kahi kāne, a laila paʻakikī ka hoʻokū ʻana i loko o ka home. Hiki iā lākou ke aloha aloha i kekahi i kekahi a ʻaʻole hiki iā lākou ke noho pū, no ka mea ʻaʻole lākou i kūlike i nā manaʻo e like me ke kauoha, ka ikaika o ke ola ʻana, nā hana, nā loina, nā papa kuhikuhi…
ʻO nā mea maikaʻi ʻē aʻe i hōʻike ʻia e ka poʻe i hoʻāʻo e mālama lākou i kā lākou Kulekele, kāna ala o ka holo ʻana i ka hale a me kāna hoʻokele waiwai. A he mea nui ka hope ma muli o nā manawa he nui i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o ka noho kaʻawale ʻana e hōʻike i ka loaʻa ʻana o nā ʻāpana kūʻokoʻa piha. Hoʻokaʻawale kēlā i nā lilo ke hele lākou i kahi huakaʻi, ke hele lākou i waho i ka ʻaina ahiahi a i ʻole ke hele i nā kiʻi ʻoniʻoni. Uku kēlā me kēia i kāna ponoʻī a loaʻa i ka lunamanaʻo maopopo loa o ka mea a kekahi a me nā mea a haʻi.
A he aha ka mea maikaʻi ʻole a i ʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke haʻalele ma ke ʻano he LAT?
Aia kekahi poʻe e pono ai ka ʻike kino, ka pilikia alo... ʻO lākou ka poʻe, maʻa mau, ʻoi aku ke aloha, ʻoi aku ke aloha. nā hopena āpau. ʻOluʻolu maoli kekahi poʻe i ka hiki ke hoʻokokoke aku i kā lākou hoa i kēlā me kēia manawa, e ʻōlelo i loko o kona pepeiao a aloha iā ia a lawe mai iā ia i kīʻaha kī a i kaʻana like i kahi hilinaʻi a i ʻole kahi manaʻo. ʻO kēlā ʻāpana, ka mea no kekahi poʻe ʻaʻole pono e lilo i mea nui, hiki i kekahi poʻe ʻē aʻe. A maʻamau no ka mea kēlā hoʻohuihui hana i nā loulou waiwai.
Loaʻa nā ʻāpana maikaʻi ʻole o ka noho pū ʻana, akā inā pili nā kāne a kūlike ʻia kēlā mau ʻae a me nā ʻae ʻole i pili i ke ola. pili ana a he mau limu i maikaʻi pū kekahi.
He kāhea i pane ʻole ʻia, he WhatsApp i heluhelu ʻole ʻia, kahi hoʻopau hoʻokahakaha ... Hiki i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo he mau LAT wahine ke hoʻoili i nā paio hou e pili ana i ka kamaʻilio?
ʻAʻole wau e piliwi. Manaʻo wau he pono kēia mau ʻano kāne e hana i nā code of kamaʻilio i ʻae ʻia e nā mea ʻelua a hoʻololi ʻia i nā kūlana o ka noho pū ʻole ʻana. ʻO kaʻae ʻana iā lākou kahi ʻāpana o ke oʻo pilikino.
Ke lilo nei i kahi LAT mau i kahi laha maʻamau?
Manaʻo wau aia i loko o ka hui a mākou i kamaʻilio ai, ʻoi aku ka nui o nā mākua a ʻoi paha luna, E ʻōlelo kākou. ʻO ka wehewehe ʻana he 30 mau makahiki i hala aku nei ua noʻonoʻo ka poʻe i ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi hoa hou inā waiho wale ʻia lākou i 50, 60 a i ʻole 70 mau makahiki, akā i kēia manawa ke hana nei lākou, ʻoiai ke ʻelemakule nei lākou.
ʻOkoʻa ke kuanaʻike i ka mea i ola a me nā mea i koe e ola ai. Akā he ʻoiaʻiʻo i kēia mau lā "ʻaʻole makemake nā kāne" LAT e hāʻawi i nā wehewehe he nui e pili ana i nā ʻano a i ʻole e pili ana i ke ʻano o ka pilina i loaʻa iā lākou. Akā loaʻa iaʻu ka manaʻo i ka wā i hala iki ai kēlā stigma a i ʻole kaomi ʻia ʻana o ka pilikanaka, e nui ana ka poʻe e pili ana i kēia hana.