Ke moeʻuhane nei mākou a pau, akā i ka hiki ʻana mai i loko o ko mākou ola, he kakaikahi ka mea hiki ke hoʻomanawanui a mālama. No ke aha kēia hana? ʻO nā ʻōlelo a ka psychotherapist Adam Philips no ke aha ke aloha e lawe mai ai i ka ʻeha a me ka huhū.
ʻAʻole aloha nui mākou i ke kanaka e like me ka noʻonoʻo ʻana i ke ʻano o ke kanaka e hoʻopiha ai i ko mākou ʻuhane o loko, wahi a ka mea noiʻi psychoanalyst Adam Philips. Ua kapa pinepine ʻia ʻo ia ʻo ka "poet of frustration", kahi i manaʻo ai ʻo Philips i ke kumu o ke ola kanaka. ʻO ka hōʻeha kahi ʻano o nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole mai ka huhū a i ke kaumaha a mākou e ʻike ai i ka wā e hālāwai ai mākou i kahi pale ma ke ala i kā mākou pahuhopu makemake.
Manaʻo ʻo Phillips ʻo ko mākou mau ola ola ʻole-ʻo nā mea a mākou e kūkulu nei i ka noʻonoʻo, e noʻonoʻo ʻoi aku ka mea nui iā mākou ma mua o nā ola a mākou i noho ai. ʻAʻole hiki iā mākou ke noʻonoʻo maoli iā mākou iho me ka ʻole o lākou. ʻO ka mea a mākou e moe ai, ʻo kā mākou makemake i nā manaʻo, nā mea a me nā kānaka ʻaʻole i loko o ko mākou ola maoli. ʻO ka nele o nā mea e pono ai ka mea e noʻonoʻo a hoʻomohala, a i ka manawa like e hoʻopilikia a kaumaha.
I loko o kāna puke Lost, kākau ka psychoanalyst: "No ka poʻe o kēia wā, ka poʻe i hoʻoweliweli ʻia e ka hiki ke koho, ʻo ke ola kūleʻa kahi ola e ola ai mākou i ka piha. Hoʻopili mākou i nā mea i nalowale i ko mākou ola a me ka mea e pale iā mākou mai ka loaʻa ʻana o nā leʻaleʻa āpau a mākou e makemake ai.
Lilo ka huhu i wahie o ke aloha. ʻOiai ʻo ka ʻeha, aia kahi hua maikaʻi i loko. He hōʻailona ia e loaʻa ana ka pahuhopu i makemake ʻia ma kahi o ka wā e hiki mai ana. No laila, loaʻa iā mākou kahi mea e hoʻoikaika ai. ʻO nā kuhi hewa, pono nā manaʻo no ke ola ʻana o ke aloha, ʻaʻohe mea inā he makua a he erotic paha kēia aloha.
ʻO nā moʻolelo aloha a pau he mau moʻolelo no ka pono ʻole. ʻO ka hāʻule ʻana i ke aloha, ʻo ia ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi hoʻomanaʻo o ka mea i hoʻonele ʻia iā ʻoe, a i kēia manawa me he mea lā ua loaʻa iā ʻoe.
No ke aha he mea nui ke aloha iā kākou? Hoʻopuni ia iā mākou no ka manawa pōkole me ka hoʻopunipuni o ka moeʻuhane i hoʻokō ʻia. Wahi a Philips, "ʻo nā moʻolelo aloha a pau he mau moʻolelo no kahi pono ʻole… ʻO ke aloha e hoʻomanaʻo ʻia i ka mea āu i hoʻonele ʻia ai, a ke manaʻo nei ʻoe ua loaʻa iā ʻoe."
"Me he mea lā" no ka mea ʻaʻole hiki i ke aloha ke hōʻoiaʻiʻo e hoʻokō ʻia kāu mau pono, a inā e hana ʻia, e hoʻololi ʻia kou huhū i mea ʻē aʻe. Mai ka manaʻo o ka psychoanalysis, ʻo ke kanaka a mākou e aloha maoli ai he kāne a he wahine paha mai kā mākou mau moemoeā. Ua hana mākou iā lākou ma mua o ko mākou hālāwai ʻana me lākou, ʻaʻole no ka mea ʻole (ʻaʻohe mea i hele mai mai ka mea ʻole), akā ma ke kumu o ka ʻike mua, ʻoiaʻiʻo a noʻonoʻo.
Manaʻo mākou ua ʻike mākou i kēia kanaka no ka manawa lōʻihi, no ka mea ma kekahi ʻano ʻike maoli mākou iā ia, he ʻiʻo a he koko ʻo ia iā mākou iho. A no ka mea, ua kali maoli mākou no nā makahiki e hālāwai me ia, manaʻo mākou ua ʻike mākou i kēia kanaka no nā makahiki he nui. I ka manawa like, he kanaka ʻokoʻa ʻo ia me kona ʻano a me kāna mau maʻamau, he mea malihini ʻo ia iā mākou. He malihini kamaʻāina.
A ʻo ka nui o kā mākou kali ʻana, a me ka manaʻolana, a me ka moeʻuhane e hālāwai me ke aloha o ko mākou ola, aia wale nō ke hālāwai mākou me ia, hoʻomaka mākou e makaʻu i ka lilo ʻana iā ia.
ʻO ka paradox ʻo ka ʻike ʻana i loko o ko mākou ola o ka mea o ke aloha he mea pono ia e ʻike ai i kona nele.
ʻO ka paradox ʻo ka ʻike ʻana i loko o ko mākou ola o ka mea o ke aloha he mea pono ia e ʻike ai i kona nele. ʻO ka ʻiʻini paha ma mua o kona ʻike ʻia i loko o ko mākou ola, akā pono mākou e hālāwai me ke aloha o ke ola i mea e ʻike koke ai i ka ʻeha e hiki ai iā mākou ke nalowale. Ke hoʻomanaʻo nei ke aloha hou iā mākou i kā mākou hōʻiliʻili o nā hemahema a me nā hemahema, no ka mea, ua hoʻohiki ʻo ia e ʻokoʻa nā mea i kēia manawa, a no ia mea, lilo ia i overvalued.
ʻOiai ka ikaika a me ka makemake ʻole o ko mākou manaʻo, ʻaʻole hiki i kāna mea ke pane piha iā ia. No laila ka ʻeha.
Ma kāna ʻatikala "On Flirting," ʻōlelo ʻo Philips "hiki ke kūkulu ʻia nā pilina maikaʻi e kēlā poʻe i hiki ke hoʻopaʻa i ka huhū mau, ka huhū i kēlā me kēia lā, ka hiki ʻole ke hoʻokō i ka pahuhopu i makemake ʻia. ʻO ka poʻe i ʻike pehea e kali a hoʻomanawanui a hiki ke hoʻokuʻikahi i kā lākou mau moemoeā a me ke ola ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻopili pololei iā lākou.
ʻOi aku ka ʻelemakule, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kā mākou hana ʻana me ka huhū, manaʻo ʻo Phillips, a ʻoi aku paha ka maikaʻi o kā mākou launa pū ʻana me ke aloha ponoʻī.