Ke kū ka ʻimi ʻana i ka hoa ola "pono", ʻike nā wahine i ka hōʻeha hohonu a nīnau i nā nīnau e pili ana i ka hewa iā lākou, he aha kā lākou i hana hewa ai. Manaʻo ʻo Madeleine Fougeres ʻo ka mea kālaiʻike kanaka i ka wā e ʻimi nei mākou i hoa no kahi pilina ikaika, pono mākou e makaʻala i kā mākou mau manaʻo instinctive. ʻAʻohe mea ʻeha i nā wahine ke ʻike ʻo nā kāne a lākou e huki ai i ka maʻamau ʻaʻole maʻamau i nā kuʻikahi lōʻihi.
He aha kā mākou e hilinaʻi ai i ke koho ʻana i kahi hoa, ʻo ka pilina me ka mea i ka hopena e lilo i pōkole? He aha nā hewa a mākou e hana ai a pehea e pale aku ai iā lākou? Eia kekahi mau pae hoʻohālikelike.
1. Ka u'i kino
ʻAʻole kēlā me kēia o mākou e ʻae he mea nui iā ia ka nani o ke kino o kahi hoa pili. Akā, ua maopopo nā mea ʻoiaʻiʻo: ʻo nā kāne maikaʻi e hoʻowalewale i nā wahine heterosexual, ʻo ia ka mea i hōʻoia ʻia, ma waena o nā mea ʻē aʻe, e ka noiʻi ʻana e nā psychologists ʻAmelika ʻo Eli Finkel lāua ʻo Paul Eastwick.
ʻO kahi hapa, ʻaʻole ʻike ʻia kēia mea hoihoi a loaʻa nā aʻa evolutionary: ʻoi aku ka nui o nā hiʻohiʻona kāne a me ka symmetrical helehelena e hōʻike ana i ka maikaʻi o nā genes. ʻAʻole nō hoʻi mākou i waiho ʻole ʻia i nā ʻano maikaʻi ʻē aʻe e like me ka hele pū me ka nani kino. Ke kamaʻilio nei mākou e pili ana i kahi kanaka nani a me ka hiki o ke kanaka ke alakaʻi i kahi ola ikaika.
Eia nō naʻe, no ka poʻe e ʻimi nei i kahi pilina lōʻihi a paʻa, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka waiho ʻana i nā kāne uʻi. Hōʻike nā haʻawina e hoʻopunipuni nā kāne uʻi i kā lākou mau hoa. Eia kekahi, ua oi aku ka oki mare ana, no ka mea, he mea paʻakikī ke pale aku i nā manawa i hoʻohiki ʻia e kahi pilina hou.
2.Leo nani
Hoʻopiʻi pinepine ʻia nā wahine i nā kāne me nā leo uʻi. Makemake lākou i nā leo hohonu hohonu, nā kāne e hōʻike ana i nā pae kiʻekiʻe o ka testosterone. Eia kekahi, ʻike nā wahine i nā kāne me kahi timbre ʻoluʻolu i ʻoi aku ka like a noʻonoʻo iā lākou he ʻoluʻolu i ke ʻano. I ka manawa like, ʻaʻole hoʻāʻo nā kāne ponoʻī e ola e like me nā manaʻo kiʻekiʻe: ʻoi aku ka nui o nā pilina pili wahine, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka hoʻopunipuni ʻana i nā hoa pili me lākou i ka pilina lōʻihi.
Hōʻike nā haʻawina aia i waena o nā kāne me nā leo moe kolohe he nui loa ka poʻe hoʻopunipuni e hoʻohuli i nā wahine i mare mua i ka hoʻomaloka. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e noʻonoʻo i kēia mau mea hoʻopunipuni he mau hoa lōʻihi.
3. Nā kāne i ka pilina
Hoʻokomo pinepine ʻia nā wahine heterosexual i nā kāne i pili i ka pilina. Kapa ʻia kēia ʻo "kope koho hoa": inā loaʻa i ke kāne ka "ʻae mua" mai kahi wahine, hoʻomaka kekahi e ʻike iā ia he uʻi. Eia kekahi, hāʻawi lākou i ka makemake i nā kāne i loaʻa i nā hoaaloha a i ʻole nā wahine wahine, ʻaʻole nā wahine.
No ke aha he mea maikaʻi ʻole ka hahai ʻana i kahi kāne i loaʻa i kahi hoa inā ʻo kāu pahuhopu nui he pilina lōʻihi? Inā mākaukau ke kanaka e haʻalele i kāna mea i aloha ai no ʻoe, a laila e hana like ʻo ia me ʻoe ke ʻike ʻia kahi koho hoihoi.
ʻO ka loaʻa ʻana o ka ʻike moe kolohe e kōkua i ka pale ʻana i kēia kuhi hewa. ʻOi aku ka hilinaʻi o nā wahine ʻike i kā lākou koho ʻana i ka hoa a ʻaʻole manaʻo i ka pono e kope i ke koho ʻana o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe.
E launa me na kanaka kupono
Inā makemake ʻoe i kahi aloha pōkole a paʻakikī, a laila ʻo ke kāne uʻi kino me ka leo uʻi paha ka hoa kūpono. Akā no ka pilina lōʻihi ikaika, pono ʻoe e ʻimi i nā kāne ma nā ʻano ʻē aʻe. ʻOi aku ka nui o ka mahalo ʻana i kekahi no ka hui kūleʻa lōʻihi.
ʻOi aku ma mua o ke aloha, pili ia me ka manaʻo o ka ʻoluʻolu mai kahi pilina paʻa, a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. Eia kekahi, ʻoi aku ka nui o kā mākou ʻike, aloha, a mahalo kekahi i kekahi, ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi o ka nani o ke kino i ka mālama ʻana i kahi pilina lōʻihi.
E pili ana i ka mea kākau: ʻO Madeleine Fougeres he kumu aʻoaʻo no ka noʻonoʻo pilikanaka ma Eastern Connecticut University a me ka mea kākau o The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romance.