ʻO ka hopohopo no ke keiki he hoa mau loa ia o ka makua. Akā pinepine ʻole ko mākou hopohopo. Hiki iā mākou ke hopohopo makehewa no ka mea ʻike liʻiliʻi mākou e pili ana i nā ʻano o kahi makahiki kamaliʻi, wahi a ke keiki psychologist Tatyana Bednik.
Nā manaʻo noʻonoʻo: I kou ʻike, he aha nā ʻōhumu hoʻopunipuni e pili ana i kahi keiki a nā mākua?
Tatiana Bednik: No ka laʻana, loaʻa i kekahi o ka ʻohana kahi keiki me ka autism. A me he mea lā i nā mākua ke hana nei kā lākou keiki i nā ʻano like ʻole, hele ma ka tiptoe ma ke ʻano like - ʻo ia hoʻi, pili lākou i nā hōʻailona waho, ʻaʻole nui a hoʻomaka e hopohopo. ʻAʻole like ka makuahine a me ke keiki i ke ʻano: mālie ʻo ia, melancholic, a paʻa loa ʻo ia. A me he mea lā i kona manaʻo he mea hewa ia iā ia. Ke hopohopo nei kekahi no ka hakakā ʻana o ke keiki i nā mea pāʻani, ʻoiai no kona mau makahiki he mea maʻamau kēia ʻano, a makaʻu nā mākua i kona ulu ʻana i ka huhū.
Ua makemake nui anei kakou e hana i ke keiki e like me ke kanaka makua?
T. B.: ʻAe, pili pinepine nā pilikia me ka ʻike ʻole i ke ʻano o ke keiki, he aha nā hiʻohiʻona o kahi makahiki, pehea ka hiki i ke keiki ke hoʻoponopono i kona mau manaʻo a hana i ke ʻano o kā mākou makemake. I kēia manawa, nānā nui nā mākua i ka hoʻomohala mua ʻana a hoʻopiʻi pinepine: pono ʻo ia e holo, ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻonoho iā ia i lalo e hoʻolohe i nā moʻolelo, a i ʻole: ʻaʻole makemake ke keiki i kahi hui ulu e noho i ka papaʻaina a hana. kekahi mea, akā hele a puni ka lumi. A e pili ana kēia i kahi keiki 2-3 makahiki. ʻOiai ʻo kahi keiki 4-5 mau makahiki he paʻakikī ke noho mālie.
ʻO kekahi hoʻopiʻi maʻamau, ʻo ke keiki liʻiliʻi he ʻinoʻino, ua huhū ʻo ia, ua ʻeha ʻia ʻo ia e ka makaʻu. Akā i kēia makahiki, ʻaʻole i hoʻomohala ʻia ka cerebral cortex, nona ke kuleana o ka mana, ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke hoʻokō i kona mau manaʻo. Ma hope wale nō e aʻo ai ʻo ia e nānā i ke kūlana mai waho.
E hiki mai ana anei? A i ʻole ma muli o nā mākua?
T. B.: He mea nui e hoʻomaopopo a minamina nā mākua iā ia! Akā, ʻōlelo pinepine lākou iā ia: “Hū! E hooki! E hele ʻoe i kou lumi a mai puka i waho a hoʻomaha ʻoe!" Ua huhū loa ke keiki ʻilihune, a ua kipaku ʻia hoʻi ʻo ia!
A i ʻole kahi kūlana maʻamau: i loko o ka pahu one, lawe kahi keiki 2-3 makahiki i kahi mea pāʻani mai kahi ʻē aʻe - a hoʻomaka ka poʻe mākua e hoʻohilahila iā ia, e ʻāhewa iā ia: "Hilahila iā ʻoe, ʻaʻole kēia kāu kaʻa, ʻo Petina kēia, hāʻawi aku iā ia! Akā ʻaʻole maopopo ʻo ia i ka mea "ʻo wau" a he aha ka "haole", no ke aha e hōʻino aku ai iā ia? ʻO ka hoʻokumu ʻana o ka lolo o ke keiki e hilinaʻi nui ʻia i ke kaiapuni, i nā pilina āna e ulu ai me nā mea aloha.
I kekahi manawa makaʻu nā mākua i ka hoʻomaopopo mua ʻana i ke keiki, a laila hoʻōki ...
T. B.: ʻAe, hiki ke paʻakikī iā lākou ke kūkulu hou a hoʻomaopopo i ka loli. ʻOiai ka liʻiliʻi o ke keiki, hiki i ka makuahine ke hana me ia i ke kūpono a me ka pololei, hoʻopiʻi ʻo ia iā ia a ʻae iā ia e hana i ka hana. Akā i kēia manawa ua ulu ʻo ia - a ʻaʻole mākaukau kona makuahine e hana hou a hāʻawi iā ia i ke kūʻokoʻa hou aʻe, ke hana mau nei ʻo ia me ia e like me kāna i hana ai me ka mea liʻiliʻi. ʻOi aku ka pinepine o ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i ka wā i lilo ai ke keiki i ʻōpio. Ua manaʻo ʻo ia iā ia iho he kanaka makua, ʻaʻole hiki i kona mau mākua ke ʻae i kēia.
Loaʻa i kēlā me kēia pae makahiki kāna mau hana ponoʻī, kāna mau pahuhopu ponoʻī, a ʻo ka mamao ma waena o ke keiki a me nā mākua pono e hoʻonui a hoʻonui, akā ʻaʻole mākaukau nā poʻe mākua a pau no kēia.
Pehea mākou e aʻo ai i ke keiki?
T. B.: He mea nui ka makuahine, mai ka wā kamaliʻi mai, e nānā iā ia, e pane i kāna mau loli liʻiliʻi, e ʻike i kāna manaʻo: tense, makaʻu ... Aʻo ʻo ia e heluhelu i nā hōʻailona a ke keiki e hoʻouna ai, a ʻo ia - ʻo ia. He kaʻina like ia i nā manawa a pau. I kekahi manawa ʻaʻole maopopo nā mākua: he aha ka mea e kamaʻilio ai me kahi keiki hiki ʻole ke kamaʻilio? ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, ke kamaʻilio pū me ke keiki, hana mākou i kēia mau pilina me ia, ʻo ia ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana.
Akā naʻe, nalo mākou i kekahi mea. Pehea e hiki ai i na makua ke hana me ka hewa?
NO HOI: Me he mea lā ua maʻalahi nā mea a pau. ʻAʻole maikaʻi mākou a pau, ʻo mākou a pau "kekahi" a, no laila, e hānai i "kekahi" a ʻaʻole nā keiki kūpono. Inā mākou e pale i kekahi hewa, e hana mākou i kekahi. Inā ʻike maopopo ka makua i kāna mea i hana hewa ai, noʻonoʻo paha ʻo ia i ka mea e hana ai, pehea e neʻe ai i kēia manawa, pehea e hana ʻokoʻa ai. I kēia hihia, ʻo ka manaʻo o ka hewa e ʻoi aku ka naʻauao a me ke kanaka, hiki iā mākou ke hoʻomohala.