"Ke kani nei ka uaki!", "I ka manawa hea mākou e manaʻo ai e hoʻopiha hou ʻia?", "Ua lōʻihi paha i kou mau makahiki?" Hoʻopilikia kēia mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo i nā wahine a pale iā lākou mai ka hoʻoholo ʻana i nā keiki.
ʻO ka mea hope a ka wahine e makemake ai e lohe, ʻo ia ka haʻi ʻana i ka wā e hānau keiki ai. Eia nō naʻe, manaʻo ka poʻe he kuleana ko lākou e hoʻomanaʻo i nā wahine he ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hānau mua ʻana o nā wahine, ma kahi o 25 mau makahiki. I nā hoʻopaʻapaʻa "biological clock" maʻamau, ua hoʻohui lākou i kēia manawa: nui nā hopohopo ʻohana e kau mai ma luna o mākou.
Wahi a nā «aʻoaʻo», hoʻopaʻi mākou iā mākou iho i ke ola i waenakonu o ka "sandwich" o ʻekolu hanauna. Pono mākou e mālama i nā keiki liʻiliʻi a me nā mākua makua. E lilo ko mākou ola i kahi haunaele pau ʻole me nā diapers no nā keiki a me nā mākua a me nā strollers, nā keiki a me nā maʻi maʻi, nā makemake a me nā pilikia o nā mea aloha ʻole.
Ke kamaʻilio nei e pili ana i ke koʻikoʻi o ke ʻano o ke ola, ʻaʻole lākou e ʻimi e hoʻohaʻahaʻa. E paʻakikī paha? Ua ʻike mua mākou i kēia - mahalo i ka poʻe loea i haʻi mai iā mākou no nā makahiki i ka paʻakikī o ka wā hāpai. ʻAʻole pono mākou i ke koi hou aku, ka hilahila a me ka makaʻu o ka "nalo" i ko mākou manawa.
Inā makemake ka wahine e hānau keiki i ke kakahiaka, e ʻae iā ia. Akā, ʻike mākou ʻaʻole hiki i nā manawa a pau. ʻAʻole lawa paha kā mākou kālā e kākoʻo ai i ke keiki, ʻaʻole paha e loaʻa koke i kahi hoa kūpono. ʻAʻole makemake nā kānaka a pau e hānai i kahi keiki wale nō.
Ma waho aʻe o nā "pilikia" e hiki mai ana, ʻo ka wahine ʻaʻole i hānau keiki ma mua o 30 mau makahiki e manaʻo ʻia e like me kahi kipaku.
I ka manawa like, ke ʻōlelo ʻia nei mākou me ka ʻole o nā keiki, ʻaʻohe kumu o ko mākou ola. Ma waho aʻe o nā "pilikia" e hiki mai ana, ʻo ka wahine ʻaʻole i hānau keiki i ka makahiki 30 e like me ka mea i hoʻokuke ʻia: ua hānau mua kāna mau hoaaloha āpau i hoʻokahi a ʻelua paha, e kamaʻilio mau e pili ana i ka hauʻoli o ka makuahine a - ma ke ʻano maoli - e hoʻomaka e noʻonoʻo i kā lākou koho i ka mea kūpono wale nō.
Ma kekahi mau ʻano, kūpono ka poʻe kākoʻo i ka manaʻo o ka makuahine mua. Hōʻike nā helu helu ua pālua ka helu o ka hāpai ʻana i nā wahine ma luna o 40 mai ka makahiki 1990. ʻO ka mea like i ka hui o nā wahine ma mua o 30. A i nā makahiki 25, ua emi kēia helu, ma ke ʻano ʻē. Akā naʻe, ʻaʻohe oʻu manaʻo he mea e hopohopo ai. ʻAʻole maikaʻi loa ka lilo ʻana i ʻāpana o ka "hanauna Sandwich". ʻIke wau i kaʻu e kamaʻilio nei. Ua hele au ma ia mea.
Ua hānau koʻu makuahine iaʻu i ka makahiki 37. Ua lilo wau i makuahine i ka makahiki like. I ka hānau ʻia ʻana o ka moʻopuna i kali ʻia, ʻoliʻoli mau nō ke kupuna wahine. Ua noho koʻu makuakāne i 87 a ʻo koʻu makuahine i 98. ʻAe, ua loaʻa iaʻu i ke kūlana i kapa ʻia e ka poʻe sociologists ʻo ka "hanauna Sandwich." Akā, he inoa ʻē aʻe kēia no ka ʻohana nui, kahi e noho pū ai nā hanauna like ʻole.
I kēlā me kēia hihia, pono mākou e maʻa i kēia kūlana. I kēia lā ke ola lōʻihi nei nā kānaka. He pipiʻi loa nā hale hānai maikaʻi, a ʻaʻole leʻaleʻa ke ola ma laila. ʻO ka noho pū ʻana ma ke ʻano he ʻohana nui hoʻokahi, ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole ʻoluʻolu loa i kekahi manawa. Akā he aha ke ola ʻohana i piha me ka pilikia ʻole o ka home? Maʻa mākou i ka lehulehu a me ka walaʻau inā olakino a aloha ko mākou pilina.
Akā, e nānā kākou: i kēlā me kēia manawa a mākou e hoʻoholo ai e hānau keiki, aia nā pilikia.
Ua kōkua koʻu mau mākua iaʻu a kākoʻo mai iaʻu. ʻAʻole lākou i hōʻino mai iaʻu no ka "ʻaʻole male." A aloha lākou i kā lākou moʻopuna i ko lākou hānau ʻana. I kekahi mau ʻohana, inaina nā mākua a me nā keiki kekahi i kekahi. Hōʻole kekahi mau makuahine i nā ʻōlelo aʻo a ko lākou makuahine ponoʻī. Aia nā ʻohana i loko o kahi kaua maoli, kahi e hoʻāʻo ai kekahi e hoʻokau i kā lākou mau manaʻo a me nā lula ma luna o kekahi.
Akā, pehea ka makahiki? ʻAʻole anei e kū like nā pilikia like ʻole o nā kāne ʻōpio me nā keiki e noho ana ma lalo o ka hale o ka makua?
ʻAʻole au e ʻōlelo ʻaʻole pilikia ka hānau makuahine. Akā, e nānā kākou: i kēlā me kēia manawa a mākou e hoʻoholo ai e hānau keiki, aia nā pilikia. ʻO ka hana a ka poʻe akamai e hāʻawi iā mākou i ka ʻike e like me ka hiki. Ke kali nei mākou iā lākou e haʻi mai iā mākou e pili ana i nā mea hiki a kōkua iā mākou e hana i kahi koho, akā ʻaʻole e koi aku iā ia, e pāʻani ana i ko mākou mau makaʻu a me nā manaʻo ʻino.
No ka mea kākau: He mea kākau moʻolelo ʻo Michelle Henson, kolamu no The Guardian, a me ka mea kākau o Life with My Mother, lanakila i ka makana 2006 Book of the Year mai ka Mind Foundation for the Mentally Ill.