He aha nā mākua i loaʻa i kā lākou mau keiki ka holomua?

Hoʻomaikaʻi a hoʻohewa paha? Hoʻonohonoho i kona lā ma ka minuke a hāʻawi iā ia i ke kūʻokoʻa piha? E hoʻoikaika i ka ʻepekema kikoʻī a i ʻole e hoʻomohala i nā mana hana? Makaʻu mākou a pau i ka nele i ka mālama makua. Ua hōʻike ʻia nā noiʻi hou a nā psychologists i kekahi mau ʻano maʻamau i nā mākua i loaʻa i nā keiki ka holomua. He aha ka hana a nā mākua o nā miliona miliona a me nā pelekikena e hiki mai ana?

1. Noi lakou i na keiki e hana i ka hale.

"Inā ʻaʻole hana nā keiki i nā kīʻaha, pono e hana nā mea ʻē aʻe no lākou," wahi a Julie Litcott-Hames, ka dean mua ma ke Kulanui ʻo Stanford a me ka mea kākau o Let Them Go: How to Prepare Children for Adulthood (MYTH, 2017). ).

"Ke hoʻokuʻu ʻia nā keiki mai nā haʻawina home, ʻo ia ka mea ʻaʻole lākou e ʻike i ka pono e hana ʻia kēia hana," wahi āna. ʻO nā keiki e kōkua ana i ko lākou mau mākua a puni ka hale e hana i nā limahana ʻoluʻolu a hui pū i hiki ke lawe i ke kuleana.

Manaʻo ʻo Julie Litcott-Hames ʻo ka wikiwiki o kāu aʻo ʻana i kahi keiki e hana, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi iā ia - e hāʻawi kēia i nā keiki i ka manaʻo ʻo ka noho kūʻokoʻa ʻana, ʻo ka mea mua, hiki iā ʻoe ke lawelawe iā ʻoe iho a hoʻolako i kou ola.

2. Hoʻolohe lākou i nā mākau pilikanaka o nā keiki

ʻO nā keiki me ka hoʻomohala ʻana i ka «social intelligence» — ʻo ia hoʻi, ʻo ka poʻe i hoʻomaopopo maikaʻi i nā manaʻo o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, hiki iā lākou ke hoʻoponopono i nā paio a hana i kahi hui - loaʻa pinepine i ka hoʻonaʻauao maikaʻi a me nā hana piha ma ka makahiki 25. Hōʻike ʻia kēia. e kahi noiʻi e ke Kulanui o Pennsylvania a me Duke University, i mālama ʻia no 20 mau makahiki.

ʻO ka mea ʻē aʻe, ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī o nā keiki i hoʻomohala maikaʻi ʻole ʻia i ka pilikanaka, ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī o ka ʻona, a ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī o ka loaʻa ʻana o ka hana.

"ʻO kekahi o nā hana nui a nā mākua, ʻo ia ka hoʻokomo ʻana i kā lākou keiki i nā mākau o ka kamaʻilio kūpono a me ka nohona pili kanaka," wahi a ka mea kākau noiʻi ʻo Christine Schubert. "I loko o nā ʻohana e nānā nui nei i kēia pilikia, ulu aʻe nā keiki me ka paʻa o ka naʻau a ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ke ola ʻana i nā pilikia o ka ulu ʻana."

3. Hoʻokiʻekiʻe lākou i ka pā

ʻO nā manaʻolana makua he mea hoʻoikaika ikaika no nā keiki. Hōʻike ʻia kēia ma ka nānā ʻana i ka ʻikepili noiʻi, i uhi ʻia ma mua o ʻeono kaukani keiki ma ʻAmelika Hui Pū ʻIa. "ʻO nā mākua i wānana i ka wā e hiki mai ana no kā lākou mau keiki, ua hoʻoikaika nui lākou e hōʻoia i ka lilo ʻana o kēia mau mea i manaʻo ʻia," wahi a nā mea kākau o ka noiʻi.

Hiki paha i ka mea i kapa ʻia ʻo "Pygmalion effect" kekahi kuleana: ʻo nā manaʻolana kiʻekiʻe o nā mākua e hoʻoikaika nui ai nā keiki e ola e like me lākou.

4. He pilina maikaʻi ko lāua me kekahi

ʻO nā keiki i loko o nā ʻohana kahi e hoʻopaʻapaʻa ai i kēlā me kēia minuke e ulu aʻe ka maikaʻi ʻole ma mua o kā lākou mau hoa mai nā ʻohana kahi i maʻamau ka mahalo a hoʻolohe kekahi i kekahi. Ua hana ʻia kēia hopena e nā psychologists mai ke Kulanui o Illinois (USA).

I ka manawa like, ua lilo kahi ʻano hakakā ʻole i mea koʻikoʻi ma mua o kahi ʻohana piha: nā makuahine hoʻokahi i hānai i kā lākou mau keiki i ke aloha a me ka mālama, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o nā keiki.

Ua ʻike kekahi haʻawina inā ʻike pinepine ka makua kāne hemo i kāna mau keiki a mālama i kahi pilina maikaʻi me ko lākou makuahine, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o nā keiki. Akā, i ka wā e hoʻomau ai ka hoʻopaʻapaʻa i ka pilina o nā mākua ma hope o ka hemo ʻana, pili kēia i ke keiki.

5. Alakaʻi lākou ma ke ʻano hoʻohālike.

ʻO nā makuahine hāpai i ka wā ʻōpio (ma mua o ka 18 makahiki) ʻoi aku ka nui o ka haʻalele ʻana i ke kula a ʻaʻole hoʻomau i kā lākou aʻo ʻana.

Ua ʻike ʻo psychologist Eric Dubov i ka pae hoʻonaʻauao o nā mākua i ka manawa o nā makahiki ʻewalu o ke keiki hiki ke wānana pololei i ka holomua o kāna ʻoihana i nā makahiki 40.

6. Aʻo mua lākou i ka makemakika

I ka makahiki 2007, ua hōʻike ka meta-analysis o nā ʻikepili mai 35 mau kamaliʻi kula mua ma US, Canada, a me UK i nā haumāna i kamaʻāina mua i ka makemakika i ko lākou wā i komo ai i ke kula ua hōʻike i nā hopena maikaʻi aʻe i ka wā e hiki mai ana.

"ʻO ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa mua ʻana i ka helu ʻana, ʻo nā helu helu helu kumu a me nā manaʻo e hoʻoholo ai i ka holomua o ka wā e hiki mai ana ʻaʻole wale ma ka ʻepekema pololei, akā ma ka heluhelu pū kekahi," wahi a Greg Duncan, ka mea kākau o ka noiʻi. "ʻO ka mea pili i kēia, ʻaʻole hiki ke ʻōlelo maopopo."

7. Kūkulu lākou i ka hilinaʻi me kā lākou mau keiki.

ʻO ka noʻonoʻo a me ka hiki ke hoʻokumu i ka pilina naʻau me ke keiki, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka wā ʻōpiopio, he mea nui loa ia no kona ola e hiki mai ana. Ua hana ʻia kēia hopena e nā psychologists mai ke Kulanui o Minnesota (USA). Ua ʻike lākou ʻo ka poʻe i hānau ʻia i loko o ka ʻilihune a me ka ʻilihune e hoʻokō i ka kūleʻa hoʻonaʻauao nui inā ulu lākou i kahi lewa o ke aloha a me ka mahanahana.

Ke "pane koke nā mākua i nā hōʻailona o kahi keiki" a hōʻoia i ka hiki i ke keiki ke makaʻala i ka honua, hiki iā ia ke uku no nā kumu maikaʻi ʻole e like me kahi kūlana dysfunctional a me kahi haʻahaʻa o ka hoʻonaʻauao, wahi a psychologist Lee Raby, hoʻokahi. o na mea kakau o ke ao ana.

8. ʻAʻole lākou e noho i ke kaumaha mau.

"ʻO nā makuahine e holo wikiwiki i waena o nā keiki a me ka hana "hoʻopilikia" i nā keiki me ko lākou hopohopo, "wahi a ka sociologist Kei Nomaguchi. Ua aʻo ʻo ia i ka hopena o ka manawa a nā mākua me kā lākou mau keiki i ko lākou ola maikaʻi a me nā mea e hiki mai ana. Uaʻikeʻia ma kēia hihia,ʻaʻole ka nui o ka manawa, akāʻoi aku ka nui o ka maikaʻi.

ʻO ka mālama nui ʻana a me ka hoʻoluhi ʻana e like me ka pōʻino e like me ka mālama ʻole ʻana, wahi a Kei Nomaguchi. ʻO nā mākua e ʻimi nei e pale i ke keiki mai ka pōʻino, ʻaʻole lākou e ʻae iā ia e hoʻoholo a loaʻa i kona ʻike ola ponoʻī.

9. He "manaʻo ulu" ko lākou

ʻO kahi ala maopopo e wānana inā e kūleʻa ana ke keiki i ke ola, ʻo ia ke nānā i ke ʻano o ka loiloi ʻana i nā kumu o ka holomua a me ka hāʻule ʻole.

Hoʻokaʻawale ʻo Carol Dweck psychologist Stanford ma waena o ka noʻonoʻo paʻa a me ka noʻonoʻo ulu. ʻO ka mea mua i hōʻike ʻia e ka manaʻoʻiʻo ua hoʻonohonoho ʻia nā palena o kā mākou hiki mai ka hoʻomaka ʻana a ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke hoʻololi i kekahi mea. No ka lua, hiki iā mākou ke hoʻokō hou aku me ka hoʻoikaika.

Inā haʻi nā mākua i kekahi keiki he kālena maoli kāna, a ʻo kekahi ua "hoʻonele ʻia" ʻo ia ma ke ʻano maoli, hiki i kēia ke hōʻeha i nā mea ʻelua. E hopohopo ka mea mua i kona ola a pau ma muli o nā hopena kūpono ʻole, hopohopo e nalowale kāna makana makamae, a ʻo ka lua e hōʻole ʻole e hana iā ia iho, no ka mea "ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻololi i ke ʻano."