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Hiki ke ulu ka pilina ma ka moe kolohe, a ʻaʻole maikaʻi ke ola pū. ʻAʻole hiki iā mākou ke ola me ka ʻole o kekahi, akā ʻo ka hui pū ʻana he ʻeha piha. ʻO ka hopena, he hakakā, he waimaka, he haki ʻeha. No ke aha ia mea?
"Ua hui mākou ma kahi pāʻina me nā hoaaloha, a ua like koke lāua me ka uhi ʻia e ka nalu," wahi a Veronica, 32 makahiki. — Noho pu makou i ka po. Ua hāiki koʻu honua iā ia wale nō. Ua ʻike like ʻo ia.
Hoʻomaka mākou e noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ka male. Akā, ua hoʻololi iki nā mea a pau i waena o mākou ʻaʻole i kahi moe i mau ʻano hakakā a me nā hiʻohiʻona lili.
Ua hoʻoholo wau e haʻalele. Ke huki nei au iā ia, he nani ʻeha nā mea hoʻomanaʻo, a ʻaʻole maopopo iaʻu ke kumu i holo ʻole ai." No ke aha ʻaʻole lawa ka huki ikaika no ka pilina lōʻihi?
A ʻo wai ka puaʻa cartilage
ʻAʻole lawa ka moekolohe no ka noho paʻa ʻana o nā kāne, "pono ʻia nā mea ʻē aʻe: ka mahalo i kekahi, nā makemake hui," wahi a Lyubov Koltunova, he mea lapaʻau Gestalt, Jungian psychologist.
- Inā ʻaʻole, e hele ana ma waho o ke ʻano o ka pili ʻana i ka moekolohe, ʻaʻole e ʻike nā kāne i ka mea e hoʻopaʻa ai iā lākou, a hiki ke kū mai nā kūʻē he nui. ʻIke ʻia ua makemake kekahi i ka melika, a ʻo ka cartilage puaʻa ʻē aʻe.
ʻO ka manawa wale nō e hoʻopakele ai i kēlā kuikahi, ʻo ia ke ʻimi i nā kuʻikahi. Akā ʻo kēia kahi e kū ai ka pilikia. ʻAʻole mākaukau nā kānaka a pau e hoʻololi no ke aloha.
ʻO ka manawa pinepine, makemake nā hoa i nā hakakā a me nā hakakā mau i nā kūkākūkā - pono kēlā me kēia i kekahi e hoʻololi e like me kona mau pono, e lawe i kahi kūlana infantile - "ʻo kaʻu makemake i ka foreground." He mea paʻakikī ke noho ma ia pilina no ka manawa lōʻihi.
A aloha au a inaina au
“Na‘á ku ‘i he‘ene ‘ofa mo hoku uaifi mu‘á,” ko e lau ia ko Vadim ta‘u 43, “Na‘á ku fie ma‘u mo ia ‘i he minute kotoa pē. I kona hele ʻana e hālāwai me kona mau hoaaloha, manaʻo wau e hālāwai paha ʻo ia me kekahi a hele aku i ona lā. A laila, ʻai au i ka lili, manaʻo wau: ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kona make ʻana ma mua o ka noho pū ʻana me kekahi!
No ke aha mākou e ʻike ai i nā manaʻo polarized i kekahi manawa? A pono kakou kekahi i kekahi, a ua makaukau e pepehi; hoʻohaʻahaʻa mākou, hoʻomāinoino i kekahi - a mai kēia mea mākou e ʻike ai i ka ʻeha nui?
"ʻO ke kumu o ia mau pilina paʻakikī, ʻehaʻeha, ʻo ia ka uhaki ʻana i ka hoʻopili ʻana o kekahi a i ʻole nā hoa ʻelua," wahi a Lyubov Koltunova, "ke ʻike ʻole mākou i ka hopohopo i ka wā e komo ai i nā pilina pili pili.
He aha ka psychoanalyst Karen Horney i kapa ʻia "he manaʻo o ka hopohopo kumu" - ulu ia mai ka mehameha a me ka nele i loaʻa iā mākou i ka wā kamaliʻi inā ʻaʻole mālama ko mākou mau mākua iā mākou.
Manaʻo mākou i kahi hoʻokipa irresistible i kahi hoa a ma ka manawa like me ka ʻike ʻole e hoʻāʻo e mālama i kahi mamao, no ka mea, ua ʻeha ka ʻike o ka pili.
ʻAʻole i pau ka pōʻaiapuni
I ka wā o ka moekolohe, hele ka hoʻoulu ʻana ma nā ʻano he nui - ua kapa ʻia kēia ʻo ka "wikiwiki pane ʻana", a ma hope o ka pili ʻana o nā hoa i kekahi i kekahi.
ʻO ka mea mua, aia ka hoihoi, a laila ka hoihoi, ka hauʻoli, ka mea e hoʻonui mālie, a i ka hopena hiki mākou i kahi hoʻokuʻu - kahi orgasm. Akā ʻo ka mea hoihoi loa, ʻaʻole i pau ka pōʻaiapuni o ka pane ʻana i ka moekolohe ma kēia pae.
"Ma hope o kahi orgasm, hoʻomaka kahi pae refractory: ka emi ʻana o ka hauʻoli, noi ke kino no ka hoʻomaha, hoʻomaha, a laila ka pae o ka assimilation - hoʻomaopopo i ka ʻike i loaʻa," wehewehe ʻo Lyubov Koltunova. - Ma muli o kēia hoʻopau ʻana o ka pōʻaiapuni o ka hoʻololi ʻana i ka moe kolohe, kū mai ka pili.
Makemake mākou e hoʻoluliluli i nā lima o kekahi, kamaʻilio, hoʻolāʻihi manawa hou aku, ʻai a hele wāwae paha.
Akā, i loko o nā pilina pili, ua haʻalele pinepine ʻia ka pae hope loa o ka pōʻai wahine: hopu ka mea hoʻohiwahiwa ikaika i nā mea aloha ma nā wahi a pau o lākou, ma ka mokulele, i loko o ka lumi lumi hale ʻaina a i ʻole kahi hale kiʻiʻoniʻoni. ʻAʻohe manawa no ka assimilation.
A laila ʻike ʻia ʻaʻole i pau ka pōʻaiapuni o ka hoʻololi ʻana. Aia ma laila ka hoʻohiwahiwa, akā ʻaʻole ala ka pilina - ka heleuma e hoʻoikaika iā mākou e hui pū.
Ua makapō au iā ia
He nani ʻo ia ma kahi moe, a manaʻo mākou he aloha kēia. Akā i ka hoʻomaka ʻana o ka pilina, ʻoi aku ka like me ke aloha. A he mea pōʻino me nā projections: hāʻawi mākou i ka hoa me nā ʻano i makemake ʻia. ʻOiaʻiʻo, hāʻule ka projection i ka mea inā loaʻa kekahi mau "hooks" - kahi mea e hiki ai ke hopu.
Hoʻokumu ʻia lākou e ko mākou ʻike ʻole mai ka mōʻaukala o ka ulu ʻana, ka ʻike mua o ka hāʻule ʻana i ke aloha me nā kiʻi o ka wā ʻōpio, nā manaʻo ʻikeʻike, me nā mea pili i ka wahine. Ua hauʻoli mākou i kona leo? Inā mākou e noʻonoʻo i ka wā i hala, hiki ke ʻike ʻia ʻo ke kumu, ka mea a mākou i aloha nui ai i ka makahiki 15, ua like ka timbre.
ʻIke ʻia ʻaʻole mākou e kamaʻilio me kahi hoa, akā me ko mākou manaʻo iā ia. E lele ana nā kuhi i haku ʻia ke ʻike ʻia nā kūʻē i loko o nā kāne, me he mea lā e wehe mākou i nā aniani kala rose a kamaʻāina me kahi kanaka maoli, ʻaʻole noʻonoʻo. Mai ia manawa mai ka hoʻopaʻapaʻa ʻana i ka pilina, a ke alo nei mākou i kahi koho - ʻo ia ka mea e pono ai a ʻaʻole paha?
ʻO nā pilina he lehulehu. He ʻano koʻikoʻi ka moe kolohe ʻana o ka naʻau, akā ʻaʻole ʻo ia wale nō.
He aha ka mea e heluhelu ai no ia mea?
ʻO Gestalt Therapy of Sexuality na Brigitte Martel
Swing, loneliness, ʻohana… ʻO ka laina ma waena o ka maʻamau a me ka pathology, nā moʻolelo like ʻole e pili ana i ke ola moekolohe o nā mea kūʻai aku, nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo a me nā kumumanaʻo kumu.
(Institute for General Humanitarian Studies, 2020)