ʻO ka ʻimi ʻana i hoa ma o nā noi he mea maʻalahi a ʻaʻole kaumaha. Eia naʻe, ʻo kēia mau papahana e luhi ai mākou, wahaheʻe, a hoʻonāukiuki. No ke aha ia mea?
Makemake mākou i nā polokalamu pili - a i kēia lā ʻaʻole mākou hilahila e ʻae! Ke lilo nei lākou i mea maʻalahi a hoʻomaopopo. Eia kekahi, ma ka hana ʻana i kahi ʻaoʻao ma Pure a i ʻole Tinder, ʻaneʻane pilikia mākou, no ka mea, ʻaʻole hiki i ka mea makemake ʻole iā mākou ke kākau a kelepona iā mākou. I mea e kamaʻilio ai me kahi hoa pili, pono ʻo ia e "swipe i ka ʻākau", a na mākou iho i hana. A ma kekahi mau noi, he wahine wale nō ke kuleana e koho.
Eia nō naʻe, e like me ka hōʻike ʻana o ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa (a me ka noiʻi ʻana e nā psychologists!), ʻo kēia mau papahana maʻalahi he mau hemahema. ʻIke ʻia ʻoiai ʻoiai lākou e maʻalahi iā mākou e ʻike i kahi hoa pili, e hāʻule ana i ke aloha a mālama i kēia manaʻo, ma ke ʻano, ke keʻakeʻa wale nei lākou. Pehea pono?
Nui loa nā koho
Manaʻo mākou ua maʻalahi ka maʻalahi o ka nui o nā hoa pili. A hāʻawi nā polokalamu pili iā mākou i kahi "nui" nui loa! Eia naʻe, he mea pono anei ia? Ua ʻike ka poʻe psychologists mai ke Kulanui o Edinburgh ʻo ka nui o nā koho a mākou e ʻike ai i mua o mākou, ʻo ka liʻiliʻi o kā mākou ʻoluʻolu.
Ua noi ʻia ka poʻe i komo i kā lākou aʻo ʻana e koho i nā hoa uʻi mai 6 a i ʻole 24 mau moho i manaʻo ʻia. A ʻo ka poʻe i hāʻawi ʻia i nā moho ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi ma mua o ka poʻe i ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi o ka "menu".
Akā ʻaʻole ia e pau i laila: ʻo ka poʻe i ʻimi i nā koho he 24 ma mua o ka hana ʻana i kahi koho e hoʻololi i ko lākou manaʻo a koho i kahi hoa ʻē aʻe i ka pule aʻe. Akā, ua māʻona ka poʻe i hāʻawi ʻia he 6 wale nō i kā lākou hoʻoholo ʻana ma ia pule hoʻokahi. Ua ʻike ka poʻe noiʻi ʻoi aku ka nui o nā koho i loaʻa iā mākou, ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi o kā mākou makemake e kū i hoʻokahi.
ʻOi aku ka haʻalele ʻana o ka poʻe uʻi kino i nā pilina o kēia manawa a wikiwiki e ʻimi i nā mea hou.
Manaʻo nā psychologists i ka wā e pono ai mākou e aʻo i kahi helu nui o nā hoa i hāʻawi ʻia e ka noi, luhi wikiwiki ko mākou lolo. Ma muli o kēia, nānā mākou i kēlā mau mea i hiki ke noʻonoʻo koke ʻia, me ka hoʻoikaika ʻole o ka noʻonoʻo. ʻO ka mea mua, ke kamaʻilio nei mākou no ke kiʻekiʻe, ke kaumaha a me ka nani o ke kino o nā moho.
Ke koho mākou i kahi hoa pili wale i ka maikaʻi o ko lākou nānā ʻana, ʻoi aku ka pōkole o ka pilina a hiki ke hoʻohoka nui iā mākou. I ka makahiki 2017, ua ʻike ka poʻe psychologists ma ke Kulanui ʻo Harvard e haʻalele ka poʻe uʻi kino i nā pilina o kēia manawa a wikiwiki e ʻimi i nā mea hou.
ʻO ke kūpono o kahi hoa
Ke loaʻa iā mākou ka manawa a me ka manawa kūpono e kamaʻilio pilikino me kekahi kanaka, aʻo nui mākou e pili ana iā ia me ka wikiwiki. Pehea kona leo maoli? Pehea kona honi? He aha kāna mau hana e hoʻohana pinepine ai? He ʻakaʻaka ʻoluʻolu kāna?
Ke kamaʻilio pū me kekahi mea hoʻohana ʻē aʻe i ka noi, ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi o ka ʻike. ʻO ka maʻamau, loaʻa iā mākou kahi nīnau nīnau pōkole, e hōʻike ana i ka inoa, kahi wahi o ka "hero o kā mākou moʻolelo" a, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi, ʻelua o kāna mau ʻōlelo punahele.
ʻO kahi kanaka ola a mākou i "makapō mai ka mea i hala" ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻokō i kā mākou mau manaʻolana
Me ka ʻike ʻole ʻana i ke kanaka maoli, makemake mākou e hoʻokō i kāna kiʻi me nā ʻano maikaʻi like ʻole. No ka laʻana, hiki iā mākou ke hāʻawi i kā mākou mau ʻano maikaʻi iā ia - a i ʻole nā ʻano ʻoluʻolu o kā mākou mau hoaaloha pili.
ʻO ka mea pōʻino, aia kahi pilikia nui e hōʻino ʻia kahi hālāwai pilikino iā mākou. ʻO kahi kanaka ola a mākou i "makapō mai ka mea i hala" ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻokō i kā mākou mau manaʻolana.
Hoʻopunipuni nā kānaka a pau
Inā ʻaʻole maopopo mākou e hiki mai ana i kahi hālāwai, aia kahi hoʻowalewale nui e hoʻonani i ka ʻike e pili ana iā mākou iho. A he nui nā mea hoʻohana noi e hoʻopunipuni maoli lākou e pili ana i kekahi o kā lākou mau palena. Wahi a nā mea noiʻi, ʻoi aku ka hewa o nā wahine i ko lākou kaumaha, a ʻoi aku ka hewa o nā kāne i ko lākou kiʻekiʻe. Hoʻopunipuni pinepine nā kāne ʻelua e pili ana i kā lākou hoʻonaʻauao, ʻoihana, makahiki, a inā paha lākou i kēia manawa i kahi pilina.
ʻOiaʻiʻo, i ka wā pōkole, hiki i kēia mau wahaheʻe ke hoʻonani iā mākou i nā maka o nā hoa pili, akā ma ka laulā, ʻaʻole ʻo ka wahaheʻe ke kumu kūpono no ka pilina hauʻoli lōʻihi. A ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo a me ka hilinaʻi, ma kahi ʻē aʻe, e hoʻopaʻa paʻa i kā mākou pilina a kōkua i ka noho kūpaʻa ʻana i kekahi i kekahi.
No laila he mea pono ke hoʻomaka i kahi pilina me kahi neʻe pilikia? ʻAʻole paha e ʻike ka mea ʻae e hui pū me ʻoe i nā ʻokoʻa liʻiliʻi ma waena o kāu mau ʻōlelo a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. Akā inā ʻike ʻo ia, ʻaʻole hiki ke kōkua i ka hoʻokumu ʻana i kahi lewa mahana i ka lā mua.