"Pehea wau e ʻike ai inā he maʻamau wau?"

Ua ʻōlelo ʻo Morticia Addams mai ka moʻolelo e pili ana i ka ʻohana infernal: "He hoʻopunipuni ka maʻamau. ʻO ka mea maʻamau no ka spider he haunaele no ka lele.

Kokoke kēlā me kēia o mākou i hoʻokahi manawa i kona ola i nīnau iā ia iho i ka nīnau: "He maʻamau wau?" Hiki i ke kauka lapaʻau a i ʻole ka psychiatrist ke pane mai ma ka nīnau ʻana i ke kumu a i ʻole ke kūlana ola e kānalua ai mākou iā mākou iho. He nui ka poʻe, ma muli o nā hewa makua a i ʻole nā ​​​​kumu aʻoaʻo a me nā trauma o ka wā kamaliʻi, ke ola nei no nā makahiki he nui me kahi ilo o ke kanalua i ke ʻano o ke koena, akā ʻaʻole lākou ...

ʻAuhea ʻo ia, kēia maʻamau, a pehea e hoʻōki ai i ka kānalua ʻana iā ʻoe iho i ka abnormality? Kaʻana like ʻo Psychoanalyst Hilary Handel i ka moʻolelo o kahi mea kūʻai aku.

Ua nīnau ʻo Alex, he polokalamu polokalamu 24 makahiki, i kahi nīnau i manaʻo ʻole ʻia i kahi hālāwai maʻamau. Ua hele mai ʻo ia i ka psychotherapy no kekahi mau mahina, akā ʻo kēia ka manawa mua āna i nīnau ai no kēia.

— He mea maʻamau anei au?

No ke aha ʻoe e nīnau nei i kēia manawa? Wahi a Hilary. Ma mua o kēlā, ua kūkākūkā lāua i ka pilina hou o Alex a me kona manaʻo maikaʻi no ka lilo ʻana i mea koʻikoʻi.

"ʻAe, ke noʻonoʻo nei au inā he mea maʻamau ka hopohopo nui.

— He aha ka "maʻamau"? i ninau aku ai o Hilary.

He aha ka "maʻamau"?

Wahi a nā puke wehewehe'ōlelo, 'o ia ho'i "e pili ana i ka ma'amau, ma'amau, ma'amau, awelika a i mana'o 'ole 'ia, a me ka ho'okae 'ole."

Akā, pehea e hoʻohana ai i kēia huaʻōlelo e pili ana i nā kānaka āpau? ʻO ka hapa nui o mākou e hoʻāʻo e ola i ke kūlana maʻamau ma ka hōʻike ʻana i ko mākou ʻano maoli me ka manuahi. Loaʻa i kēlā me kēia kanaka ko lākou mau ʻano ponoʻī a me nā makemake kikoʻī, ʻo mākou nā mea paʻakikī paʻakikī a maikaʻi ʻole loa. Hoʻolālā ʻia kā mākou mau piliona o nā pūnaʻi nerve e nā genetics a me ka ʻike ola.

Eia naʻe ke nīnau nei mākou i ko mākou ʻano maʻamau. No ke aha mai? ʻO kēia ma muli o ka hopohopo maoli no ka hōʻole ʻana a me ka wehe ʻana, wehewehe ʻo Dr. Handel. Ke noʻonoʻo nei i kēia, ke nīnau nei mākou iā mākou iho i nā nīnau: "E kūpono anei au iā lākou?", "Hiki iaʻu ke aloha ʻia?", "Pono wau e hūnā i koʻu mau hiʻohiʻona i mea e ʻae ʻia ai?".

Ua kānalua ʻo Kauka Handel ua pili ka nīnau koke a ka mea kūʻai aku i kāna pilina hou. ʻO ka mea, ʻo ke aloha e hoʻolilo iā mākou i mea palupalu i ka hōʻole ʻana. Ma keʻano maʻamau, lilo mākou i mea maʻalahi a makaʻala, hopohopo e hōʻike i kekahi o kā mākou mau ʻano.

Ke hoʻāhewa nei ʻoe iā ʻoe iho no ka hopohopo? i ninau aku ai o Hilary.

- ʻAe.

He aha kāu e ʻōlelo ai e pili ana iā ʻoe?

— Nani ko'u hemahema!

— Alex, na wai i aʻo iā ʻoe e hoʻokolokolo iā ʻoe iho no kou manaʻo a me kou pilikia? Ma hea ʻoe i aʻo ai he haʻahaʻa ʻoe i ka hopohopo? No ka mea, ʻaʻole ia!

- Manaʻo wau he hemahema koʻu, no ka mea, i koʻu wā kamaliʻi, ua hoʻouna ʻia au i kahi psychiatrist ...

— Eia keia! wahi a Hilary.

Inā i ʻōlelo ʻia ʻo Alex ʻōpio ʻo ka hopohopo kekahi ʻāpana o ke kanaka… He mea ʻoluʻolu ʻole ia, akā hiki iā mākou ke aʻo e hoʻomaha. He mea pono a waiwai kēia akamai i ke ola. Inā paha i haʻi ʻia ʻo ia e haʻaheo no ka ʻike ʻana i kēia akamai, e lilo ʻo ia i kanaka maikaʻi maoli, hoʻokahi kapuaʻi ma mua o nā poʻe he nui ʻaʻole i aʻo i ka hoʻomaha ʻana iā lākou iho, akā pono maoli nō ia ...

Ua ʻike ʻo Alex i kēia manawa inā pane kekahi hoaaloha i kona hopohopo, hiki iā lākou ke kamaʻilio e pili ana a ʻike i ke kumu o ka pilikia. Malia paha ʻaʻole ʻo ia kona kanaka, a i ʻole e loaʻa paha iā lākou kahi hopena maʻamau. ʻO kēlā me kēia hihia, e kamaʻilio mākou no lāua ʻelua, ʻaʻole no ia wale nō.

ʻO keʻano maʻamau a me ka hilahila

No nā makahiki, ua hoʻonuiʻia ka hopohopo o Alex i kona hilahila no kona "hewa". Piʻi pinepine ka hilahila mai ko mākou manaʻo he ʻano ʻokoʻa a ʻokoʻa paha mākou mai nā mea ʻē aʻe. A ʻaʻole kēia he manaʻo olakino e hōʻoiaʻiʻo ʻaʻole mākou e hana kūpono ʻole. He mea ʻawaʻawa, hilahila ʻona e hoʻomāʻewaʻewa iā ʻoe.

ʻAʻohe kanaka kūpono e hana ʻino ʻia ma muli o ko lākou ʻano, ke ʻole lākou me ka manaʻo e hōʻeha a hoʻopau i kekahi. Makemake wale ka hapanui e ʻae i ko mākou ʻano maoli a aloha iā mākou no ia mea, wahi a Kauka Handel. He aha inā e hoʻokuʻu loa mākou i ka hoʻokolokolo a apo i ka paʻakikī o ke kanaka?

Hāʻawi ʻo Hilary Handel i kahi hoʻoikaika liʻiliʻi. ʻO nā mea a pau āu e hana ai, e nīnau iā ʻoe iho i kekahi mau nīnau.

Hoʻohewa iā ia iho

• He aha kou manaʻo he mea ʻino iā ʻoe iho? He aha kāu e hūnā ai mai nā poʻe ʻē aʻe? E huli hohonu a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo.
• He aha kāu e manaʻo ai inā ʻike kekahi i kēia mau ʻano a i ʻole nā ​​ʻano ʻano o ʻoe?
• Ma hea ʻoe i loaʻa ai kēia manaʻoʻiʻo? Aia ma muli o ka ʻike i hala?
• He aha kāu e manaʻo ai inā ʻike ʻoe he like ka mea huna o kekahi?
• Aia kekahi ala ʻē aʻe i hiki ke hōʻike i kāu mea huna?
• He aha ke ʻano o ka nīnau ʻana iā ʻoe iho i kēia mau nīnau?

Ka hoahewa ana i na mea e ae

• He aha kāu e hoʻokolokolo ai i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe?
• No ke aha ʻoe e hoʻāhewa nei?
• Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻokolokolo ana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe ma kēia ʻano, he aha nā manaʻo āu e alo ai? E papa inoa i nā mea a pau i hiki mai i ka naʻau: ka makaʻu, ka hewa, ke kaumaha, ka huhū, a me nā manaʻo ʻē aʻe.
• He aha ke ʻano o ka noʻonoʻo ʻana iā ia?

Malia paha e kōkua nā pane i kēia mau nīnau iā ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo i kou manaʻo iā ʻoe iho a i ʻole kekahi. Ke ʻae ʻole mākou i kekahi mau hiʻohiʻona o ko mākou ʻano, pili kēia i kā mākou pilina me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. No laila, i kekahi manawa he mea pono ke nīnau i ka leo o ka mea hoʻohewa i loko a hoʻomanaʻo iā mākou iho, e like me nā mea a pau a puni mākou, he poʻe wale nō, a he kū hoʻokahi kēlā me kēia ma ko lākou ala ponoʻī.

E pili ana i ka mea kākau: ʻO Hilary Jacobs Handel kahi psychoanalyst a me ka mea kākau o ʻAʻole pono ke kaumaha. Pehea e kōkua ai ka triangle o ka loli iā ʻoe e lohe i kou kino, wehe i kou mau manaʻo, a hui hou me kou ʻano maoli.