Manaʻo pinepine mākou i ka hōʻole ʻia, poina, mahalo ʻole ʻia, a i ʻole ka manaʻo ʻaʻole i loaʻa iā mākou ka mahalo a mākou e manaʻo ai he pono mākou. Pehea e aʻo ai ʻaʻole e hōʻeha i nā mea liʻiliʻi? A makemake mau lākou e hōʻeha iā mākou?
Ua hoʻolālā ʻo Anna i kekahi mau pule no ka hoʻolauleʻa ʻana i ka lā makahiki o ka hui. Ua hoʻopaʻa wau i kahi cafe, loaʻa kahi mea hoʻolaha a me nā mea hoʻokani pila, hoʻouna aku i nā kono kono he nui, a hoʻomākaukau i nā makana. Ua maikaʻi ke ahiahi, a i ka hopena, ua ala ka luna o Anna e hāʻawi i ka haʻiʻōlelo kuʻuna.
"ʻAʻole ʻo ia i hopohopo e hoʻomaikaʻi iaʻu," wahi a Anna. — Ua huhū au. Ua hoʻoikaika nui ʻo ia, a ʻaʻole pono ʻo ia e ʻae. A laila ua hoʻoholo wau: inā ʻaʻole ʻo ia e mahalo i kaʻu hana, ʻaʻole wau e mahalo iā ia. Ua lilo ʻo ia i aloha ʻole a paʻakikī. Ua emi loa ka pilina me ka luna a ua kākau ʻo ia i kahi leka haʻalele. He kuhihewa nui ia, no ka mea, i kēia manawa ua maopopo iaʻu ua hauʻoli wau i kēlā hana.
Ua huhū mākou a manaʻo ua hoʻohana ʻia mākou i ka wā i haʻalele ai ka mea a mākou i hāʻawi aku ai i ka lokomaikaʻi me ka ʻole o ka mahalo.
Ua pilikia mākou ke loaʻa ʻole iā mākou ka mahalo a mākou e manaʻo ai he pono. Ke poina kekahi i ko mākou lā hānau, ʻaʻole kāhea hou, ʻaʻole kono iā mākou i kahi pāʻina.
Makemake mākou e noʻonoʻo iā mākou iho he poʻe manaʻoʻiʻo ʻole i mākaukau mau e kōkua, akā ʻoi aku ka nui ma mua o ka ʻole, ua huhū mākou a manaʻo ua hoʻohana ʻia mākou i ka wā i haʻalele ai ka mea a mākou i hāʻawi ai i kahi hāpai, mālama, a hāʻawi ʻole i ka lokomaikaʻi me ka ʻole. ʻōlelo mahalo.
E nānā iā ʻoe iho. E ʻike paha ʻoe ua ʻeha ʻoe no kekahi o kēia mau kumu kokoke i kēlā me kēia lā. Moʻolelo maʻamau: ʻaʻole i ʻike maka ke kanaka i kāu kamaʻilio ʻana, a i ʻole i ka laina ma mua ou. Ua hoʻihoʻi ka luna i ka hōʻike me ke koi e hoʻopau, ua hōʻole ka hoaaloha i ke kono i ka hōʻike.
Mai hana hewa i ka uku
"Ke kapa nei ka poʻe psychologists i kēia mau huhū he "ʻeha narcissistic," wehewehe ʻo ke kaukaʻi psychology ʻo Steve Taylor. "Ua hōʻeha lākou i ka ego, hoʻolilo lākou iā ʻoe i ka mahalo ʻole ʻia. ʻO ka hope loa, ʻo ia ka manaʻo e hoʻokumu i ka huhū - ʻaʻole mākou i mahalo ʻia, ua hoʻohaʻahaʻa ʻia mākou.
ʻO ka huhū me he mea lā he hopena maʻamau, akā pinepine nā hopena weliweli. Hiki iā ia ke lawe i ko mākou mau manaʻo no nā lā, e wehe ana i nā ʻeha noʻonoʻo i paʻakikī ke ho'ōla. Hoʻokani hou mākou i nā mea i hana pinepine ʻia i loko o ko mākou mau manaʻo a hiki i ka ʻeha a me ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa ʻana iā mākou.
ʻO ka mea maʻamau, ʻo kēia ʻeha e koi iā mākou e hoʻi i hope, e hoʻoulu ai i ka makemake e hoʻopaʻi. Hiki i kēia ke hōʻike iā ia iho me ka hoʻowahāwahā ʻana: "ʻAʻole ʻo ia i kono iaʻu i ka pāʻina, no laila ʻaʻole wau e hoʻomaikaʻi iā ia ma Facebook (kahi hui extremist i pāpā ʻia ma Rusia) i kona lā hānau"; "ʻAʻole ʻo ia i hoʻomaikaʻi mai iaʻu, no laila e pau wau i ka ʻike ʻana iā ia."
ʻO ka mea maʻamau, ʻo ka ʻeha o ka huhū e koi iā mākou e hoʻi i hope, e hoʻoulu ai i ka makemake e hoʻopaʻi.
Ke ulu nei ka huhū, a hiki i ka hoʻomaka ʻana e nānā i ke ala ʻē aʻe, e hālāwai me kēia kanaka ma ke alahele, a i ʻole e hana i nā ʻōlelo ʻino ma hope o kou kua. A inā e pane ʻo ia i kou makemake ʻole, hiki iā ia ke piʻi i loko o kahi ʻenemi piha. ʻAʻole kūpaʻa ka pilina ikaika i ka hoʻopaʻapaʻa like ʻana, a hāʻule ka ʻohana maikaʻi no ke kumu ʻole.
ʻOi aku ka pōʻino - ʻoi aku hoʻi i ka wā e pili ana i ka poʻe ʻōpio - hiki i ka huhū ke hoʻonāukiuki i kahi hopena ʻino e alakaʻi ai i ka hana ʻino. Ua helu ʻo psychologists ʻo Martin Dali lāua ʻo Margot Wilson no ka ʻelua hapakolu o nā pepehi kanaka a pau, ʻo ka hoʻomaka ʻana ʻo ia ka manaʻo o ka huhū: "ʻAʻole wau i mahalo ʻia, a pono wau e mālama i ka maka i nā koina āpau." I nā makahiki i hala iho nei, ua ʻike ka US i ka piʻi ʻana o ka "flash homicides," nā hewa i hoʻoulu ʻia e nā hakakā liʻiliʻi.
ʻO ka mea pinepine, ʻo ka poʻe pepehi kanaka he poʻe ʻōpio nalowale ka mana, ʻeha i ka maka o nā hoaaloha. I kekahi hihia, ua pana kekahi ʻōpio i ke kanaka ma kahi pāʻani pōpeku no ka mea "ʻaʻole wau makemake i ke ʻano o kona nānā ʻana mai iaʻu." Hoʻokokoke ʻo ia i ke kanaka a nīnau: "He aha kāu e nānā nei?" Ua alakaʻi kēia i ka ʻōlelo hōʻino a me ka pana ʻana. I kekahi hihia, ua hou kekahi wahine ʻōpio i kekahi no kona ʻaʻahu ʻana i kona ʻaʻahu me ka noi ʻole. Nui aʻe nā laʻana like.
Makemake lākou e hōʻeha iā ʻoe?
He aha ka mea hiki ke hana i mea e emi ai ka pilikia i ka huhū?
Wahi a Ken Case, ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo pilikino, ʻo ka hana mua ka ʻae ʻana e ʻeha mākou. Me he mea maʻalahi ia, akā ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana i ka manaʻo o ke kanaka ʻino a ʻino - ka mea nāna i hōʻeha iā mākou. ʻO ka ʻike ʻana i ka ʻeha o kekahi e hoʻopau i ka hoʻihoʻi hou ʻana i ke kūlana (ʻo ia ka mea e hōʻeha nui ai iā mākou, no ka mea hiki ke ulu ka huhū ma mua o ke ana).
Hoʻokumu ʻo Ken Case i ke koʻikoʻi o ka "wahi pane". E noʻonoʻo i ka hopena ma mua o ka pane ʻana i kahi hōʻino. E hoʻomanaʻo i ka poʻe i huhū maʻalahi, ʻaʻole ʻoluʻolu nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Inā 'oe manaʻo slighted no ka mea, ua manaʻo 'oe i kekahi pane, a 'aʻole ia i hahai, malia paha ke kumu inflated manao e pono e hoololi.
Inā ʻaʻole ʻike kekahi iā ʻoe, e ʻaiʻē paha ʻoe no nā mea pili ʻole iā ʻoe.
"ʻO ka manawa pinepine ka huhū mai ka heluhelu hewa ʻana i kahi kūlana," hoʻomohala ʻo Elliot Cohen psychologist i kēia manaʻo. — Inā ʻaʻole ʻike kekahi iā ʻoe, manaʻo paha ʻoe i kāu moʻokāki i kahi mea pili ʻole iā ʻoe. E ho'āʻo e nānā i ke kūlana mai ka manaʻo o kekahi mea āu e manaʻo nei e haʻalele ana iā ʻoe.
Malia paha ua wikiwiki ʻo ia a ʻaʻole ʻike iā ʻoe. ʻO ke ʻano haʻahaʻa a nānā ʻole paha no ka mea ua paʻa ʻo ia i loko o kona mau manaʻo. Akā, inā paha he ʻano ʻino a hoʻomāʻewaʻewa paha kekahi, aia paha ke kumu o kēia: malia paha ua huhū ke kanaka a ua hoʻoweliweli ʻia paha e ʻoe.
Ke ʻeha mākou, ʻike ʻia ka ʻeha mai waho mai, akā i ka hopena, ʻae mākou iā mākou iho e ʻeha. E like me kā Eleanor Roosevelt i ʻōlelo naʻauao, "ʻAʻohe mea e hoʻohaʻahaʻa iā ʻoe me kou ʻae ʻole."