ʻO ka hoa kūpono - ka moʻolelo a i ʻole ka ʻoiaʻiʻo?

Ua haʻi mua ʻo Plato i nā mea kahiko i hoʻohui i nā loina kāne a me nā wahine i loko o lākou iho a no laila ua kūpono ke ʻano o ke kamaʻilio "ʻahaʻaina". ʻO nā akua lokoino, i ka ʻike ʻana i ko lākou lokahi he mea hoʻoweliweli i ko lākou mana, ua hoʻokaʻawale i nā wahine a me nā kāne pōʻino - ka poʻe i hoʻopaʻi ʻia mai ia manawa e ʻimi i ko lākou ʻuhane i mea e hoʻihoʻi ai i ko lākou kūpaʻa mua. He moʻolelo maʻalahi. Akā, ʻelua a me ka hapa tausani makahiki ma hope mai, ʻaʻole i nalowale kona nani iā ​​mākou. Hāpai nā moʻolelo a me nā moʻolelo i kēia manaʻo o kahi hoa kūpono: no ka laʻana, he aliʻi no Snow White a i ʻole Cinderella, ka mea, me ka honi a i ʻole ka nānā ʻana, e hoʻihoʻi i ke ola a me ka hanohano i ka wahine hiamoe a i ʻole kahi mea ʻilihune i nā ʻōpala. He mea paʻakikī ke kāpae ʻana i kēia mau ʻōkuhi, akā pono paha e hoʻomaopopo ʻokoʻa lākou.

Makemake mākou e hālāwai me ka hua o ko mākou manaʻo

ʻO Sigmund Freud ka mea mua i ʻōlelo i ka ʻimi ʻana i kahi hoa kūpono, e hālāwai wale mākou me ka poʻe i noho i loko o kā mākou ʻike ʻole. "ʻO ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi mea aloha, ʻo ia hoʻi ka loaʻa hou ʻana" - ʻo ia paha ke ʻano o ka hoʻokumu ʻana i ke kānāwai o ka huki like ʻana o nā kānaka. Ma ke ala, ʻo Marcel Proust ka manaʻo like i kāna ʻōlelo ʻana ʻo ka mea mua mākou e huki i kahi kanaka i ko mākou noʻonoʻo a laila mākou e hālāwai ai me ia i ke ola maoli. "Ke hoʻokipa nei ka hoa pili iā mākou no ka mea ke noho nei kāna kiʻi i loko o mākou mai ka wā kamaliʻi," wahi a ka psychoanalyst Tatyana Alavidze, "no laila, ʻo ke aliʻi a i ʻole ke kamāliʻiwahine maikaʻi he kanaka a mākou i kali ai a "ʻike" no ka manawa lōʻihi. Ma hea?

ʻO ka pilina pili maikaʻi, hiki ke hōʻuluʻulu ʻia e like me "100% uku, 0% hakakā," e hoʻihoʻi iā mākou i ka wā mua o ke ola i ka wā e ʻike ai kahi keiki hou he mea kūpono a hala ʻole ke kanaka makua nāna e mālama iā ia, ʻo ia hoʻi, pinepine ka makuahine. I ka manawa like, ʻike ʻia ka moeʻuhane o ia pilina i nā wahine. "Makemake pinepine lākou no ka mea he makemake ʻole lākou no ka hoʻopiha hou ʻana," wahi a ka mea noiʻi psychoanalyst ʻo Hélène Vecchiali. — Pono mākou e ʻae: ʻaʻole pili i ke aloha o ke kāne, ʻaʻole ʻo ia e nānā aku i kahi wahine me ka mahalo nui a ka makuahine e nānā ai i kahi keiki hānau hou. A inā ʻaʻole maopopo ka hihia, manaʻoʻiʻo ka wahine me ka ʻike ʻole he haʻahaʻa ʻo ia. ʻO ka hopena, hiki i ke kanaka kūpono loa ke hoʻokō i kona "haʻahaʻa", nona ka "hōʻoia" i ka hemolele iā ia iho. ʻO kēia hoa kūpono, kūpono loa, he mea ia e hōʻike i kona makemake no kona ʻano.

Koho mākou i ke ʻano makua

He mea nui ka makua kāne no ka wahine ʻike ʻole. ʻO kēia ke ʻano o ka hoa kūpono e like me ka makua kāne? ʻAʻole pono. Mai ka manaʻo o ka psychoanalysis i kahi pilina makua, hoʻopili mākou i ka hoa me nā kiʻi o nā mākua - akā me ka hōʻailona hoʻohui a i ʻole ka hōʻailona hōʻemi. Ua hoihoi nui ʻo ia iā mākou no ka mea ua like kona ʻano (a i ʻole, hōʻole) i ke kiʻi o kahi makua kāne a makuahine paha. "I ka psychoanalysis, ua kapa ʻia kēia koho ʻo "search for Oedipus," wahi a Tatyana Alavidze. - Eia kekahi, inā mākou e ho'āʻo pono e koho i kahi "makuaʻole" - he wahine likeʻole me kona makuahine, he kāne likeʻole me kona makuakāne,ʻo ia hoʻi ka pili o ka hakakā kūloko a me ka makemake e hoʻoholo "ma keʻano'ē aʻe". ʻO ka manaʻo palekana o kahi keiki e pili pinepine me ke kiʻi o ka makuahine, hiki ke hōʻikeʻia ma ke kiʻi o kahi hoa nui a piha. "ʻO ke kanaka wiwi i loko o ia mau mea e hoʻoikaika pinepine ai i kahi" makuahine hānai "me he mea lā e "hoʻokomo" iā ia i loko ona a pale iā ia, wahi a Tatyana Alavidze. "Pēlā no ka wahine makemake i nā kāne nui."

"Ua hoihoi nui mākou i ka poʻe i loaʻa nā hiʻohiʻona kāne a me ka wahine," wahi a Svetlana Fedorova psychoanalytic psychotherapist. - Ke ʻike nei i nā hōʻike kāne a me nā wahine, manaʻo mākou i kahi kanaka e like me ko mākou makuakāne, a laila ko mākou makuahine. Hoʻihoʻi kēia iā mākou i ka illusion primordial o ka bisexuality, i pili pū me ka manaʻo o ka mana o ke keiki.

Ma ka holoʻokoʻa naʻe, he naʻaupō ka manaʻo e "hoʻokau" mākou i kā mākou mau hoa i ke ʻano o ko mākou mau mākua. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole like ko lākou kiʻi me ka makua kāne maoli a me ka makuahine, akā me kēlā mau manaʻo ʻike ʻole e pili ana i nā mākua a mākou e ulu ai i ka wā kamaliʻi.

Ke ʻimi nei mākou i nā kuhi like ʻole o mākou iho

Loaʻa iā mākou nā koi maʻamau no ke aliʻi a i ʻole ke kamāliʻiwahine? ʻOiaʻiʻo, pono lākou e uʻi, akā ʻokoʻa ka manaʻo o ka nani mai ke kenekulia a i ke kenekulia a mai ka moʻomeheu i ka moʻomeheu. "Ke koho ʻana i ka" ʻoi loa ", hoʻohana mākou i nā manaʻo huna e pili ana iā mākou iho, e hoʻolālā iā lākou ma luna o ka mea o ka hoʻomana," wehewehe ʻo Svetlana Fedorova i kā mākou mea hoʻohui. A i ʻole mākou e hāʻawi i kā mākou mea maikaʻi i nā pono a me nā hemahema i hāʻawi ʻia iā mākou iho, a i ʻole, ma ke ʻano ʻē aʻe, hoʻokomo ia i ka mea (e like me kā mākou e manaʻo ai) nele. No ka laʻana, me ka noʻonoʻo ʻole iā ia iho he naʻaupō a me ka naʻaupō, e ʻike ka wahine i kahi hoa nāna e hoʻokō i ka naʻauao a me ka hiki ke hana i nā hoʻoholo makua nona - a no laila e hoʻolilo iā ia i kuleana nona iho, no laila ʻaʻohe mea kōkua a pale ʻole.

Hiki iā mākou ke "hoʻoili" i kekahi i kēlā mau ʻano like ʻole iā mākou iho - i kēia hihia, lilo mau ka hoa i kanaka ʻoi aku ka nāwaliwali ma mua o mākou, nona nā pilikia like me mākou, akā i kahi ʻano ʻoi aku ka ʻōlelo. . I ka psychoanalysis, ua kapa ʻia kēia ʻano "hoʻololi i nā dissociations" - hiki iā mākou ke ʻike ʻole i kā mākou mau hemahema, ʻoiai ʻo ka hoa e lilo i mea lawe i kēlā mau waiwai a mākou i makemake ʻole ai iā mākou iho. E ʻōlelo kākou, e hūnā i kona makaʻu ponoʻī i ka hana, hiki i ka wahine ke hāʻule wale i ke aloha me nā kāne nāwaliwali, indecisive e loaʻa ana i ke kaumaha.

ʻO kekahi hiʻohiʻona koʻikoʻi o ka uʻi ka hui pū ʻana o ka nani a me nā hiʻohiʻona like ʻole, ʻoi, a me nā hiʻohiʻona grotesque i ka helehelena. "ʻO ka nani no mākou e pili ana i ke ʻano o ke ola, a ʻo ka nani o nā hiʻohiʻona hewa a me nā hiʻohiʻona ʻino e pili pū me ke ʻano o ka make," wahi a Svetlana Fedorova. - ʻO kēia mau instincts ʻelua nā mea nui o kā mākou ʻike ʻole a pili pono. Ke hui pū ʻia lākou i nā hiʻohiʻona o ke kanaka hoʻokahi, me ka paradoxically, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kēia. Ma o lākou iho, makaʻu nā hiʻohiʻona hewa iā mākou, akā i ka wā e hoʻoulu ʻia ai lākou e ka ikaika o ke ola, ʻaʻole kēia e hoʻolauleʻa wale iā mākou me lākou, akā hoʻopiha pū nō hoʻi iā lākou me ka nani.

Pono mākou e kanu i ka manaʻo o ke keiki

ʻO ka like ʻana me kahi hoa pili i ka mea maʻamau i manaʻo ʻia kekahi o nā koʻikoʻi koʻikoʻi no ka hoʻohui maikaʻi ʻana o nā «halves». ʻAʻole wale ka maʻamau o nā hiʻohiʻona, akā nā ʻono maʻamau, nā waiwai maʻamau, e pili ana i ka pae moʻomeheu like a me ka pōʻai kaiaulu - kōkua kēia mau mea i ka hoʻokumu ʻana i nā pilina. Akā ʻaʻole lawa kēia no nā psychologists. "Pono mākou e hele mai i ke aloha a me nā ʻokoʻa o kā mākou hoa. ʻO ka mea maʻamau, ʻo kēia wale nō ke ala e launa pū ai, "wahi a Helen Vecchiali.

No ka nohoʻana me kahi mea a mākou i lawe aku ai i ka paepae,ʻo ia hoʻi, ua hala mākou i ke kahua o kaʻaeʻana i nā hemahema, nāʻaoʻao malu (loaʻa iā ia a i loko o mākou iho),ʻo ia hoʻi, e kanu i ka "infantile" kūpono o kahi hoa. A hiki i ka loaʻa ʻana o ka hoa kūpono no ke kanaka makua. He mea paʻakikī i ka wahine ke manaʻoʻiʻo i kēlā aloha - ke aloha ʻaʻole e pani i kona mau maka i nā hemahema, ʻaʻole ʻimi e hūnā iā lākou, manaʻoʻiʻo ʻo Helen Vecchiali. Manaʻo ʻo ia e hele nā ​​wahine i ka hoʻomaka - e ʻike a ʻike hope i ko lākou piha ponoʻī, me ka manaʻo ʻole e lawe ʻia mai e kahi hoa kūpono. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, hoʻohuli i ke kumu a me ka hopena. He kūpono paha kēia: me ka loaʻa ʻole o ka lokahi i ka pilina me ʻoe iho, paʻakikī ke hilinaʻi iā ia ma ka pilina. ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke kūkulu i kahi kāne ikaika, e noʻonoʻo ana iā ʻoe iho ʻaʻole kūpono no ke kūkulu ʻana i kahi pōhaku. A ʻaʻole kōkua ka hoa (ka pōhaku waiwai ʻole) ma ʻaneʻi.

"He mea nui e ho'ōki i ka manaʻoʻiʻo ʻo ka hoa kūpono he" like me aʻu "a i ʻole kekahi mea e hoʻokō iaʻu., hoʻoikaika ʻo Helen Vecchiali. - ʻOiaʻiʻo, i mea e make ʻole ai ka huki ʻana i kahi kāne, pono e loaʻa kahi maʻamau. Eia naʻe, pono e loaʻa kahi ʻokoʻa. A ʻoi aku ka nui o kēlā. Manaʻo ʻo ia ʻo ka manawa kēia e nānā hou i ka moʻolelo o "ʻelua hapa". ʻO nā moeʻuhane o ke aliʻi maikaʻi a i ʻole ka hoa ʻuhane e pale iā mākou mai ka holomua ʻana no ka mea ua hoʻokumu ʻia lākou ma ka manaʻo he mea haʻahaʻa wau i ka ʻimi ʻana i ka mea i ʻike ʻia a kamaʻāina. Pono kekahi e manaʻolana no ka hui ʻana o ʻelua mau mea piha piha, ʻaʻole i huli i hope, akā i mua. Hiki iā lākou ke hana i hui hou o nā kānaka ʻelua. ʻO ia ʻano hui, ʻaʻole ʻelua i hoʻokahi holoʻokoʻa, akā hoʻokahi a hoʻokahi, ʻo kēlā me kēia mea i loko ona iho, ʻekolu: ʻo lākou iho a me ko lākou kaiāulu me kona wā e hiki mai ana i piha i nā mea hauʻoli.