"He aha nā keikikāne": I ka ʻimi ʻana i ke kāne

I ka wā liʻiliʻi o kaʻu keiki a hele mākou ma nā kahua pāʻani, ua hopu pinepine ʻia koʻu mau maka i kahi keikikāne puʻupuʻu ma kahi o ʻehiku, a kapa wau iaʻu iho ʻo Kolya Bulochka. Aneane i kēlā me kēia lā ʻike ʻia ʻo ia ma luna o ka noho ma ka ʻaoʻao o kona kupuna wahine. ʻO ka mea maʻamau i loko o kona mau lima he ʻeke kō nui a i ʻole he ʻeke hua. Ma kona ʻano haʻahaʻa o ka nānā ʻana a me kona kūlana, ua like loa ʻo ia me kona kupuna wahine.

Ua haʻaheo ka luahine ʻoluʻolu ʻole i kāna moʻopuna a me ka hoʻowahāwahā ʻana i ka "haehae". ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole holo wikiwiki ʻo Kolya a puni ka pūnaewele, e hāpai ana i nā ao o ke one. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i makemake nui i nā lāʻau - kahi mea hana traumatic e hoʻoweliweli i ka makaʻu i nā mākua ma ke kahua post-Soviet. ʻAʻole ʻo ia i hoʻokuke aku i nā keiki ʻē aʻe, ʻaʻole hoʻōho, ʻaʻole i haehae i kona ʻaʻahu a ʻokiʻoki i loko o ka lāʻau dogwood, hoʻolohe i ka pāpale i ka mahina o Mei a he haumāna maikaʻi loa ia. A i ʻole kahi maikaʻi.

ʻO ia ke keiki kūpono i noho mālie, ʻai maikaʻi a hoʻolohe i nā mea i ʻōlelo ʻia iā ia. Ua makemake nui ʻo ia e kū i waho o nā keikikāne "ʻino" ʻē aʻe i maʻa loa ʻo ia i ka hana. ʻAʻole hoʻi i loaʻa kahi nalu o ka makemake e lele a holo ma hope o ka pōʻai ma kona alo poepoe. Eia nō naʻe, paʻa mau ke kupuna wahine i kona lima a hoʻōki i kēia mau hana komo.

ʻO kēia hana "castrating" he mea maʻamau. Ma kahi o nā keikikāne he nui i hānai ʻia e nā "kāne kāne like" - makuahine a me ke kupuna wahine - lilo ia i mea pono, kahi ala e hoʻopakele ai i nā aʻalolo, e hana i ka illusion o ka palekana. ʻAʻole ia he mea koʻikoʻi e ulu aʻe kēia keiki "ʻoluʻolu" i loko o kahi puʻupuʻu palaualelo me ka makemake maikaʻi loa, nāna e haʻalele i kona ola ma luna o kahi moe i mua o ka TV a ma hope paha o ka papa. Akā ʻaʻole ʻo ia e hele i kahi, ʻaʻole e hoʻopili i kahi hui ʻino a ʻaʻole hele i kahi "wahi wela" ...

ʻO ka mea kupanaha, ʻo kēia mau makuahine a me nā kupuna wahine i loko o ko lākou puʻuwai ke aloha nei i kahi kiʻi ʻokoʻa loa ... He kāne patriarchal ikaika, palaka, ikaika, hiki ke lawe i ke kuleana a hoʻoponopono koke i nā pilikia o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Akā, no kekahi kumu ʻaʻole lākou e "sculpt" e like me ia. A laila e loaʻa i kahi hūnōna wahine hypothetical ka makana!

ʻO kekahi ʻano hoʻonaʻauao ʻē aʻe ʻo ka manaʻoʻiʻo e pono ke keiki kāne i ka lima kāne paʻakikī a me ke kūʻokoʻa mua ("Ke ulu nei ke kanaka!"). I nā hihia koʻikoʻi, hoʻohana ʻia nā hoʻopiʻi koʻikoʻi o kēia kāne - ma ke ʻano he leo o nā hana hoʻomaka mua. Pehea a me ka wā e hoʻohuli ai i ke ʻano "lima paʻakikī", wehewehe nā mākua i kā lākou ʻano ponoʻī. No ka laʻana, ua lawe ka makua kāne o kahi hoaaloha iā ia i kahi psychiatrist ma ke kumu ʻaʻole makemake kāna keikikāne e pāʻani i ka pā me nā keikikāne a inaina i nā papa hoʻonaʻauao kino, akā i ka manawa like i hoʻolilo i ka manawa he nui ma ka home e kiʻi i nā comics.

Ma ke ʻano he hoʻopaʻi no ka ʻaihue liʻiliʻi, ua lawe kekahi makuahine hoʻokahi i kahi kamaʻāina ʻē aʻe i kahi mākaʻi e hoʻopaʻa i ka papa mua no ʻumi mau minuke i loko o kahi keʻena mehameha. ʻO ke kolu, he kanaka ʻōpio palupalu a moeʻuhane, ua hoʻouna ʻia i ke kula ʻo Suvorov e pale i nā haunaele ʻōpio. Ua make ʻia ʻo ia e nā cadets ʻē aʻe, ma hope ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke kala aku i kona mau mākua no kēia ʻike o ka ulu ʻana a haʻalele i ka pilina me lākou ...

ʻO ka hā, he keiki maʻi mua, ua hānai ka makua kāne koa i ka ʻelima o ke kakahiaka no ka holo ʻana a koi iā ia e hoʻoinu iā ia iho me ka wai anuanu, a hiki i kona hele ʻana i ka haukapila me ka maʻi pneumonia bilateral a kukuli kona makuahine i mua o kāna kāne, e noi ana iā ia e haʻalele i ka kanaka ilihune wale no.

ʻO nā hewa i ka hānaiʻana i nā keikikāne e ulu mai nā manaʻo kū'ē'ē e pili ana i ke kāne, a lilo ia i moe Procrustean no kahiʻano i hanaʻoleʻia. Makaʻu nā keikikāne Brutal ma ke kula a ma ka home: ko lākou inflexible, paʻakikī, hui pū ʻia me ka ikaika kino, ʻōlelo ʻia "wīwī" i ka wā e hiki mai ana, i lalo i lalo.

ʻO ka hoʻomaha ʻole, hyperactive, frivolous e lilo i kao a me ka "hilahila i ka ʻohana." Ua aʻo ʻia lākou, hana ʻia a hōʻole ʻia, no ka mea pono ke kanaka maoli e noʻonoʻo a koʻikoʻi. Ke hoʻāʻo nei ka poʻe makaʻu, nāwaliwali a me ka hilahila e hoʻomake ikaika i ka testosterone ma nā ʻāpana pau ʻole a me nā hoʻolaha ... ʻO ke ʻano gula? Akā, pehea e loaʻa ai?

Ma Finland, ma nā kaiaulu he nui, uaʻaʻahu nā keikikāne a me nā kaikamāhine i keʻano like, me ka hoʻokaʻawaleʻoleʻana iā lākou ma ke kāne. Ke pāʻani nei nā keiki i nā kindergarten me nā mea pāʻani like ʻole, "genderless". Manaʻo nā Finns hou e hōʻike ʻia ke kāne, e like me ka wahine, i ka wā e ulu ana ke keiki a ma ke ʻano āna e pono ai.

Akā, i loko o ko mākou kaiaulu, ho'āla kēia hana i ka makaʻu nui i ka manaʻo o nā kuleana wahine ʻole - ʻo ke kāne ponoʻī, ʻaʻole ia he biological wale nō i hāʻawi ʻia, akā ʻaʻole nō hoʻi kahi kūkulu paʻa loa.

Ma kāna noiʻi ʻana, ua hōʻike ʻo psychoanalyst ʻo Alice Miller i ka ulu ʻana o nā keikikāne Kelemania i ka puka ʻana o ka fascism a me ke kaua honua i hopena i nā miliona o ka poʻe i hōʻeha ʻia. ʻO nā mea hoʻomāinoino ʻole a i ʻole nā ​​​​mea hoʻokō hoʻolohe i hiki ke hahai me ka noʻonoʻo ʻole i ka Fuhrer e ulu a paʻa.

ʻO koʻu hoaaloha, ka makuahine o nā keiki ʻehā, ʻelua o lākou he mau keikikāne, i ka nīnau ʻana pehea e hānai ai iā lākou, ʻōlelo ʻo ia: "ʻO kā mākou wahine wale nō ke hana ʻo ka hoʻāʻo ʻole e hana ʻino." E hoʻohui wau he mea hiki ʻole ke hana ʻino inā ʻike mākou i ke keiki o ka wahine ʻē he kanaka me nā hiʻohiʻona pilikino a me nā makemake, nā ikaika a me nā nāwaliwali, ʻaʻole ma ke ʻano he mea pohihihi a hoʻowahāwahā iā ʻoe. He paʻakikī loa ia, akā ke manaʻo nei au hiki.